The conversation - or debate, as is usually the case - is about whether or not it's important to have the same music tastes as the person you're dating.
Is it a big deal? Do you care?
My stance is always that it's pretty important, it's a trait I look for, and something that makes a huge difference to me. It's rare that someone agrees with me on the subject, though. So even though I've briefly blogged about this topic before, here's where I get more in-depth and state my case (aka: get a bit defensive).
My friend Geoff and I have had a few conversations recently about dating in general and what we look for in significant others. We're very different people - we have pretty different tastes in most things. So whenever I mention that a love of music is important in the person I'm dating, he thinks it's kinda nuts. Fair enough. That's why I felt it was time for another discussion, but this time with you wonderful weirdos.
Here's the main point: you want to have things in common with the person you're dating, right? You want to share experiences with them. If you're sports obsessed, you likely wouldn't be with a person who hates all things athletic. If you live for travelling, you wouldn't get serious with a person who never wants to leave the house.
Well, it's the same thing.
|This is a concert. Concerts are fun. Tell your friends. (10 points if you can guess the band.)|
If music is important to me, why is it bad that I'd want to share that interest? There is nothing better than sharing new music with someone, or listening to a band that we both really dig. Music creates a bonding experience. I'd love nothing more than to have someone to go to all the shows with - that one has proven tough, but I remain optimistic.
Music is a big part of me. A big part of who I am, what I'm into, and how I operate. And when I'm dating someone with completely different tastes (or worse, who doesn't like music at all. Yikes.), it's like a communication gap - we're speaking different languages. No comprende. Je ne comprende pas.
Trust me, I've tried it.
|Even murderous sociopaths liked Undertow|
I'm not unreasonable, though. I'm well aware that I won't ever find someone as Deftones-obsessed as me. Or who loves all things Maynard, Thom, Josh, & Brody like I do. Most of my long-term serious relationships were not with guys who liked every band I did; often just a key few.
Tastes don't have to be exact, but some crossover and an open mind go a long way in this case. Introducing each other to new tunes is part of the overall benefit to dating a fellow music dork.
I'd never expect a person to like all the other things I like, either. I don't need a guy who loves to read like I do. I don't need someone who wants to make friends with every single dog he passes on the street, like I do. I don't require someone who will understand all of my random Simpsons references (though we'll work on that one). But music? Yeah. I need some common ground there. I need them to "get" it, in order to "get" me. It's an intangible connection, one that often goes hand-in-hand with the right chemistry.
So there. I've said my piece. Now you're all invited to tell me how wrong and delusional I am - I welcome your input, I know not everyone is the same. But I won't be swayed. This chick knows what she needs.