Wednesday, April 30, 2008
This is one of my favourites.
New Years Eve - around 4-5am:
First of all, please draw your attention to the girly on the hotel hallway floor. That's Sam. She got there because she was trying to hold herself up horizontally between the two walls. Needless to say, she was unsuccessful.
Behind me, we have Miss Maggie using the wall to support her as she laughs her little butt off. She was in charge of lifting Sam's legs to execute the "wall stand" but she, also, was unsuccessful.
I can't quite be sure what Ken is doing. Dancing? Gesturing wildly? Dunno. To me, it looks like he just threw Sam over his head. I'm fairly certain he did not. I may have been wasted, but I'd remember that.
As for me, well... Not unlike usual, I'm just the chick with the beer, laughing at the randomness of my life. And off I went to find the boyfriend.
I'm ok with Ellen Page, especially since I tend to support Canadian actors where I can. She's a seemingly smart girl, even if her Juno role was a bit over-the-top as far as intelligent sounding wise-ass remarks go. That ain't her fault, I suppose.
So you adapt a movie from a best-selling book, add a movie veteran like Burstyn, throw in a cinematic "it" girl like Page, and take the finished product to a few film festivals. Does that guarantee success?
Yeah, that's right... It's Movie-Talk day at Shambled Ramblings Headquarters. Which pretty much just consists of myself, my computer, the voices in my head, and you people. But seriously, I'd like to know if this is a recipe for a best-seller. Ya never know... i may one day foray into movie-making.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
So I channeled the retired Dear Abby. No, she's not dead. This was not a seance, nor a go at the Ouija board. I merely used my magical mind powers to ask her advice. She was quite accommodating.
She told me that if something important is broken and you want it to be whole again, you must put the pieces back together carefully and build it up stronger than it was before.
Yeah, ok. So maybe I was just talking to myself. Not so wise at all.
Either way, I'm investing in cases of Krazy Glue.
Beware people - if anyone gives me shit, I'll glue your body parts together. I've got some buildin' to do.
Turns out it's true. Take my column away from me, I can't even tell myself what to do.
I am a fraud.
I guess it's so much easier to be objective when it's someone else who needs the help. Personal problems are just that - personal. Too personal, probably. You just can't step back and look at it the right way because your thoughts and feelings are far too involved.
So here I am, writing on my damn blog because I can't deal. I'm torn up and terrified. And I can't even seem to figure out what I'm supposed to do about it. How do you change what you hate, and how do you live with feeling like things are hidden from you?
Holy annoying post, Batman.
Where the shit is my Dear Abby? I think we need a chat.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Warm weather, patio beers, frizzy hair, tan lines.
This past year has been so crazy for me; so many changes, ups, downs, insanity.
Let's take a look back to see what Kristen has learned since last spring, shall we?
- Gut instincts are rarely wrong.
- Sometimes asshats really are just asshats.
- Your friends always need you, even when they don't realize it.
- Chance meetings can prove to be the most important kind.
- Car batteries can and will die in the same driveway twice.
- Insecurity is contagious.
- If someone goes through four cars in two years, you should stop their drinking problem or DUMP them.
- I'm no longer afraid of dogs.
- Big Macs and Fat Girl Platters are more addictive than the public realizes.
- The St. Catharines Rut is truly inevitable. Flee at once.
- Age ain't nuthin' but a number. Well that, and a gauge for how long you've been alive.
- It's easy to make great friends in a short time.
- I still suck at cooking.
- The person you need comes along when you think you don't need anyone.
- My list obsession has gotten out of hand.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Simply by thinking of random stupid things that others probably wouldn't get.
when I stop and tell myself "Kris, you're a dumbass. You're laughing at yourself",
I laugh all over.
At the mere fact that I'm a loser.
Does that make me a crazy person?
You're all just jealous cuz I'm funnier than you.
Time to answer the last 5 questions of that questionnaire, as requested by the Crayfish/Fishlips/Mackerel fella. Whatever, henceforth he is Le Poisson Farfelu.
6. If you could only have one, would you want money or love?
This question is so common now. I always say love, because I'd rather be happy and poor than rich and miserable. But that's only if it's the kinda love that you KNOW is "it". If my options are either a flash-in-the-pan temporary relationship, or shitloads of cash... well, hell. Take a guess.
7. Do you have any regrets?
Oh boy. Do I ever. I am the Queen of Regrets and Second-Guessing. Come visit my kingdom in The Land of Indecision, where we will bask in the sun and swim in the Lake of Past Mistakes.
In other words, yes. Me & regrets know each other well.
8. Are you trustworthy?
I tend to be trustworthy to a fault. I can be overly honest, and shoot myself in the ass because of it. It's important for me to earn people's trust, because I am so untrusting. I trust almost no one, and yet I do what I can to ensure that they can and will trust me. I'm a bitch, let's not act surprised here.
9. Do you believe in true love? And if so, does everyone have one?
Eek. These questions are loaded. You're bringin' down my blog, man! Ha.
Yeah, I believe in it. And I've always stupidly believed that everyone has a person who is right for them; someone they're supposed to be with. I'm fairly certain it's complete bullshit, but hey... a chick can dream. More than once in my life I thought I had the "one true love", and it didn't work out that way. So it's hard to believe in it. But I'm trying.
10. When you die, what do you want to have accomplished in your life?
Mostly,the simple normal stuff. A solid marriage with a good man I adore, a couple of kids who inherit my taste in music and far surpass my basic intelligence, a successful writing career, etc. I wouldn't mind if the aging process stopped at 25, either. Oh, and a concert list to be envious of. Ah, screw it... I just wanna be happy. That's tough enough.
Thanks Dan "the non-commenter" for the questions.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
One-piece bathing suit
The Lone Ranger
The Only Gay Eskimo
David Lee Roth
One shot deal
Proof that self-sufficiency and independence can work. AKA - "bitch don't need NObody..."
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
An embarrassing, if not sad, karaoke performance of Hole's version of Gold Dust Woman, taken about a month ago. One of many songs that me and Leah attempted that night.
Please note that I am only posting THIS video, and not the others, because you can't hear me much. But you can watch my spastic dance moves!
Moral of the story - Kristen should never get drunk and then sing in front of people she knows, yet she continues to do so.
1. What do you want people to remember you for?
For my cosmic awesomeness, I think. Seriously, I'm not sure. Hopefully as a good friend, an honest person, and maaaybe as an author who published best-selling novels (?). But I'll probably just be remembered as "that chick who knew the lyrics to everything, and would randomly scream them in public."
2. What makes you uncomfortable?
Conversations about money or drugs, oddly enough. Only in certain situations, but when someone is speaking casually and nonchalantly about one or the other, I tend to clam up and not speak. If it's a serious conversation, that's different. But yeah. Money and drugs. Go figure.
3. Who is most important to you?
Well, that's just gonna get me in trouble. Obviously Craig is important as my 'other half', Leah is important as my family and best chick, Steph is my important older sister, the list goes on. There are different levels of importance. (Notice I'm only naming people who read this? I'm not stupid!)
4. Where do you see yourself a year from now?
At my computer posting a questionnaire to my blog, feeling the oddest sense of deja vu and the nagging sensation that I failed somewhere along the line.
Or moved away, makin' money, and hopefully succeeding at being Happy Kristen. Maybe both.
5. You have three days to live - what do you do?
Day 1 - Force the boyfriend to spend the entire day doing stupid fun things, and act like complete assholes. Day 2 - Make time for all the people who are closest to me. Day 3 - Have a big damn all-day fiesta with everyone I care about. And then, y'know.... I die.
Today I suck at time management, and don't have time to answer the other 5 questions. Oh well, I've bored you enough.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Ok, you're done reading this post now. Go outside, it's beautiful.
I mean it. Go, damn you!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Why did no one ring the doorbell on the rock that I've been living under?
I've been waiting for tickets to go on sale, yet I stupidly didn't pay attention. Oy vey. In the words of some band I may have wanted to see, but oddly forget the name of "you do it to yourself, you do..."
In other news, I'd like this week to be over. It's been another shit-tastic day in a fully shit-tastic week. The kinda week that makes a person feel out of place in their own skin.
Time for the "fake happy in public" face. Yaaaay!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
It's too easy for me to resort to my hermit ways; hiding from people, allowing myself to become depressed and crazy. I'm not letting it happen this time. I'm making a conscious effort to try to stay content and somewhat positive.
For today, at least. Tomorrow may be another story.
I'm stupidly boring right now, so no dumb tidbits of info or random rants for this evening. Yes, I can hear your sigh of relief. Thank me by way of beer.
p.s.- "Who The Hell Is Kristen Goetz" http://www.ragobeer.com/strategy_to_win/2008/04/who-the-hell-is.html
Monday, April 14, 2008
It's pretty odd to me when I need to answer questions as a "blogger", because I still don't consider myself one. This isn't a blog, it's a mash up of things that no longer have room in my brain.
Like an external hard drive, if you will.
Nevertheless, here the questions be:
Our team, named for my aunt, is "Ginny's Hope". We won "Best Team Name" this time around.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Today, ladies and gents, I must rant about how much men piss me off. Not all men, of course. Some are lovely creatures, truly.
The ones that make me wanna pull out my hair and choke them to death with it are a very specific breed. I believe the technical term for them is "Dudes With Girlfriends Who Try To Pick Up Other Girls Behind Their Chicks' Backs"
Or DWGWTTPUOGBTCB's, if you will.
Seriously, they are the scum of the earth. And as far as I can tell, they're multiplying.
About 8 out of 10 guys who hit on me (or try their damndest), I later find out have girlfriends or wives. When confronted about it, they act like you should be flattered by it and think maybe that little factoid will help their chances to journey forth into your pantal regions.
Honestly, does that work?
It makes me sick. Especially since many of these asshats act like the perfect boyfriend when their woman is in their presence. The poor oblivious girl has no idea, because her guy gives her no reason to doubt him.
These "men" give the good guys a bad rap, and cause girls like me to become further untrusting.
As much as I may joke about this subject, and try to lighten it a bit... it really is a big thing to me. Why do people keep their significant others, if they're just gonna go out and look for more? Many women are guilty of this too.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Is it possible to evict yourself from your own head?
Or divorce yourself due to 'irreconcilable differences'?
If so, I need a damn good lawyer.
Every day I have patterns, like so:
Sad, Happy, Sad
Negative, Positive, Negative
Hopeful, Shot Down, Hopeful
Bitchy, Bitchy, Bitchy.
I need Nancy Drew to come and solve The Case of Kristen's Missing Awesomeness.
She can bring those cute Hardy Boys, too. I'm sure they'll lift the mood.
If she can't hack it, I'm looking out for the Mystery Machine next.
That Velma knows her shit.
Looking through my bajillion pictures (yes, bajillion. Give or take a couple)
I've noticed a trend....
An addiction, if you will...
And it's borderline severe.
The sad part is that many of my band t-shirts have never been photographed.
Methinks I need help.
Monday, April 7, 2008
People from Italy, Poland, United Kingdom, Chile, the Netherlands, Germany, and New Zealand.
They read my half-assed blog and probably think "Wow. Canadian chicks are strange. Remind me not to visit."
While I'm thinking, "New Zealand? Bret, Jemaine, Murray, is that YOU?"
It's true, I have a one-track mind.
Kristen's goin' global.
I apologize for the inevitable drop in tourism here, but you should probably blame the interweb if your business suffers.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
While not being able to fully admit she had fallen in Love, Kristen was content to admit she was full on Lovehead over her new man!
Yeah, that's right. Not only is the boyfriend well-versed in urban slang (?), he's also a definition-writer.
Possibly also a fortune teller, trained assassin, and life coach to the stars.
Friday, April 4, 2008
He is apparently the reason for disappointed chicks everywhere. The perfect imperfect man.
In his ever-present Clash t-shirt, beige trench coat and high tops, playing "In Your Eyes" on his boombox outside the home of the woman he loves.
The problem with this character is that so many ladies have decided "that's the kinda guy I want", and have failed to find him.
My friends and I have discussions all the time about finding our "Lloyd Dobler" amongst the neverending sea of assholes. The truth is that there are guys like him - sweet, loving, hotly geeky, and willing to do whatever it takes for their relationship.
Most girls overlook them.
My boyfriend has some Lloyd-like qualities about him, but I gotta wonder if I would've passed him by if he was a full-out Dobler.
Here's to all the good guys out there. I hope you find women worthy of you, unlike Lloyd did.
Diane Court was an ungrateful bitch.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I feel that it is time we broke up.
I know. I'm sad, too.
But the truth is, you're far too delicious. My ass expands from my love for you. Or no, that might just be from your ludicrous fat content. But either way... Our late night dates will surely be missed.
When the waitress automatically knows that I want you, and she even knows my nickname for you, well... that tells me I have a problem. A Fat Girl problem.
And so, this must end. I won't be visiting, not for awhile. I need some time to get over you, and maybe to lose a couple of the pounds you packed on me. Please don't try to contact me; it's better this way.
Give the mozza sticks my regrets.
Big Macs... you're next.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
So now, every year the majority of my mom's side of the family gets together and participates in the MS Walk to raise funds.
It's actually a fun little walk around Port Dalhousie and surrounding neighbourhoods.
If anyone wants to sponsor me or our team, let me know. Every little bit is appreciated.
Or, if you want to JOIN us onthe walk, sign up here: http://www.mssociety.ca/en/events/scwalk/online-fundraising.htm
Everyone is welcome to join our team.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
It's very strange.
I've written a bajillion articles before, but this one seems much more personal.
So, here it is: http://loveintoronto.com/taxonomy/term/564
If you read it, be honest. I can handle if it's crap.