Saturday, August 30, 2008

Twisted Thoughts That Spin 'Round My Head

While many lyrics stick with me, there is one line from Pearl Jam's 'Black' that has always had personal meaning.

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky
But why can't it be mine?"

A fairly obvious quote, to be sure. But there are reasons that it is important to me.

When I ended things with an ex long ago, he said something very similar to me. And I knew he meant it. He cared about me so much that he wanted me to be happy in my life, and find the person I am truly meant to be with. But at the same time, he wished so badly for it to be him.

This broke my heart. To this day, it still does.

Over the years, I've become less sure that we actually find "the one". I desperately hope that it does exist, but I haven't any proof of it. At different points in my life, I thought I had just that. But maybe the reason I believed it so much was because I wanted it so badly that I was willing to be oblivious. I don't think I am anymore.

All I truly ever want is to be "the star in someone's sky". And maybe I am... but maybe I'm not.

Are we ever actually loved the full and complete way we want to be?

Maybe true love isn't a fairytale full of utter happiness and sweet words. Maybe it's accepting that nothing is perfect and being content with what you have; taking all the bad with whatever good you receive.

I don't know.

It might just be that I'm over-thinking on a lazy Saturday afternoon in St. Catharines.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

im sure your man really loves you and you love him too. but statistics won't allow it to last.
divorce and break ups are the new black.

Kris said...

Ah, a lesson in positivity.

Ya might be right, or you might be wrong. That isn't necessarily the point of this post.

Wil said...

God dammit, I am now weeping openly.

The Trailer Of Love

Kris said...

Heh. How dare you mock me!

Actually, I would too. Mock on, brother. Mock the hell on. :)

Holly B. said...

I think about this type of thing a lot. I'm single and can't find anyone that clicks. From what I remember you always seemed to have boyfriends or guys around that adored you so this is an eye opener to know that what seems perfect might not be. I haven't forgotten that one break up. Sorry for the long comment, I like this post.

Kris said...

Ah, "the breakup". Yeah well... things happen. If you remember, at that time, I was sure I'd never get past that.

I was entirely wrong.

Adoration is good and all, but ya gotta have substance.

Kris said...

Just realized I start two comments with "Ah,".

Consistent, if nothing else.

Wil said...

And all I got was a "heh"? Or would that be AN "heh"? Whateva!

The Trailer Of Love

Anonymous said...

fuck love.

Lord Byron said...

Life is "what is" and not "what should be." Never forget that, oh shambled ramblings....

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