Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Temple of the Dog

I've never been an animal person.

When I was younger, I was absolutely TERRIFIED of animals, especially dogs. I couldn't be on the same side of the street, nevermind in the same house as a dog.

So don't ask me how the hell I am now living with one. I haven't a clue.

Guess I got over my insane phobia, as I now have a cat and a jack russell who has epilepsy and a tendency to go batshit crazy. Mind you, these pets are technically my boyfriend's. But since he started calling me their "mommy" a long damn time ago, and we all co-habitate together, they're mine too.

So here's my question...

Why the crap do pets make us speak and act as though we lack all intelligence?

Seriously.

When I'm hangin' out with Jack (the dog) I talk like a total idiot. I make up inane nicknames for him, smother the poor guy, and tell him over and over how much I really "lub" him. I even sing him songs where I replace lyrics with my nicknames for him. (Examples: "Hey, Mickey" is now "Hey, Jicky", and one part of "Rock Me, Amadeus" where they say "Amadeus, Amadeus" over and over is now "Baby Jackie, Baby Jackie").

And every time he comes into a room I seem to freak out like I didn't just see him two seconds ago. I'm not used to this crap, I swear I used to be sane! I didn't always act like I've recently been lobotomized.

But it's not just me. We're all guilty of this odd behaviour. Even you macho dudes who pretend you aren't. I call bullshit.

We're all to blame.

"Oh, little Jicky baby I lub you sooo much! Yes, mommy lubs you! Want some scratchins? Wanna go fer a walkie?? Ooohh, I lub you doggy."

Makes the bile rise, don't it?

Monday, September 29, 2008

Gripe & Swine 2008

So, another Grape & Wine has come and gone.

Good times were had by all.

Sometimes "good" can be replaced with "drunk" in sentences that I write. Please keep that in mind.

I was the resident Sober Sally, since I chose to drive. That of course meant that I treated myself to the infamous Fat Girl Platter afterwards.

Yeah, like you didn't know THAT was comin'.


I took a crapload of pictures, as promised. But I won't be posting any that have my face in them.

I'm sparing you, my lovely readers, from the monstrosity that it was. You'll thank me one day.

Gross damp weather + straightened wavy fried blonde hair = "Holy shit, is that a sasquatch?"

Yeah.

So instead of showing my face, I will only post pictures without it.

I climbed some benches...

Got patted on the ass by my lovely girlfriend Cait...

And unknowingly was photographed the whole time.

Just so I could bitch at my doppelganger, Mike.

And now Grape & Wine is over, and the whole of Niagara will be nursing their hangovers for the next month or so.

Gotta love it.

Friday, September 26, 2008

The World Is Scratching At My Door...

Sometimes, after being "good" for awhile and taking the adult approach to life by being responsible and clear-minded, you need to take the time and revert to childish ways.

And so we did.

The pictures in this post occurred after a slight debate about hockey fights over beers with Mr. Hockey (Jeff). In order to end said debate, he quickly You Tubed the popular Katrina and the Waves hit - Walking On Sunshine.

Safety first - always dance while wearing sunglasses.

A few days later, we stepped out to the Cadillac for a "few pints".

Which turned into more than a few, with the added bonus of bourbon and wine, and multiple bars.

Oh, and a deathly ill Kristen the next day.

Seriously folks, it was ugly.

And yet - I still made it to the Bad Religion concert with the worst hangover in life.

The week's not over yet.

Tomorrow it's back to St. Catharines for Grape & Wine.

Expect a full re-cap with pictures that no one will remember taking.

Debauchery at it's finest - annually.

But don't worry. I'll get back to responsibilities and routine.

Next week.

Canada Blog Friends

Check out a write up done by Rob Campbell of Canada Blog Friends about Shambled Ramblings.

It's a great site that spotlights certain Canadian blogs, and he was nice enough to add me to it.

Give 'er a look!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Bride of Boogedy

Sunday was the first of two of my sister's bridal showers.

Lucky chick gets 2x the presents.

There was a board set up with random info about her, so that guests could "get to know" the bride.

Lotsa pics were included.

If you look closely, there is a naked pic of us in the tub.

Please... don't look closely. Thanks.

The MOB ( Mother-of-the-Bride) w/ the soon-to-be Mrs.

I'm the SOB. For many reasons.

Yeah, my mom and sister are cute. I know it.

Gift time.

She got lotsa stuff. I tried to steal it, but I'm getting slow in my old age.

Whatever.

I've said it once, I'll say it again.

Soooo strange to think of my sister as a bride.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Rude Food

Grocery stores are apparently branching out into new products.

I hadn't realized that Loblaws sold sex toys.

Cheap, too!

They disguise it as some form of produce, but I've seen this exact model at the Stag Shop for about $65.

Call it a "cucumber" if ya must, but come on. We know the truth.

Better watch out...


It's comin' to getcha.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My Secret Identity


Bizarro Kristen is not yet dead.

The picture says it all. No traces of muscle tone, and a very confused look on my face.

Allow me to explain why.

If you know me, you'd better sit down before you read the next sentences.

Are ya sittin? (Who stands while at a computer anyways, you freaks?)

I now have.... a GYM MEMBERSHIP.

Oh man.

I've never worked out at a gym before.

Ever.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I've never technically "worked out".

Lets see how this pans out, shall we?

Stay tuned for info on my (lack of) progress, and pictures of the (nerdy) workout clothes I bought.

Pretty sure I don't know who I am anymore.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Super Happy FunTime Post

They say bad things happen in threes.

So it can't be good when you've lost count.

Or when the only thing that makes it all worthwhile, that makes the bad things bearable, may not hold up under the heavy weight of the issues.

Then you have nothing.




Screw that.

I want everything.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Everyday Is Halloween

So, it's gonna be Halloween-time again soon.

I am seeking your help, ladies and gents.

I need a kickass costume.

This was me last year.

Complete with tats, a vial of fake blood around my neck, and an "adopted" immigrant baby.

Fun to be, but kinda stupid since me and my planned Billy-Bob parted ways a month earlier.

So, who has ideas?

I'm looking for something killer for a couple.

A couple that includes me and this happy-looking fella.

He's willing to do Ziggy Stardust, but what could I be with it?

Other than that, what have ya got?

Aaaaand..... GO!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

TFC - Toronto Fanatic Convention

Last week we went to the TFC game.

They lost.

But beer numbed the pain of losing.

TFC is probably the only kinda game you can go to, that you still have a blast even if the team got killed.

The fans are nuts.
Craig and I didn't have TFC shirts, so he fashioned his own using hockey tape.

Clever bugger he is.

On the way to the game, he bought me a jersey from dudes sellin' em outta their trucks.

Truck shirts = better than official shirts. Yup.

His one-of-a-kind shirt caught the attention of the TFC's Marketing Chick (can't remember her official title).

She loved it.

Look for it next year, on Torontonians everywhere.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Bizarro Kristen

This is me in a nutshell.

I am a carb and grease addict, exercise detester (i.e. total avoider), and a sworn enemy of all things nutritious and healthy.

So this week, I think something is wrong with me.

Saturday night, I ran out of cigarettes. I didn't buy more until Wednesday night - and I still have yet to smoke one.

5 days. Unheard of! But that's not all...

Although I'm quite accustomed to my sedentary (read: lazy as shit) lifestyle , I've been feeling pretty sloth-like, which is causing me to just be blah. So what did I do?

I downloaded a friggin' Tae Bo video. I shit you not. I figured it would be easy enough for dumbasses like me.

Billy Blanks goes punchy punchy, kicky kicky.

Kristen goes punchy punchy, kicky kicky.

Simple.

And yeah, I've actually done the workout now. TWICE.

(Please take note that this Shambled Rambler has not done a "workout" or "exercise" since... oh, I dunno. Whenever Johnny Depp was still kickin' it on 21 Jump Street.)

On top of those two monumental things, I have also made a point to add more fruits and veggies to my diet, while (kinda, sorta) staying away from uber fatty things. For those who know me, that may be most shocking of all.

But fret not, dear readers and friends.

Knowing me, which I do quite well, this won't last much longer.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

"If Your Hair Wasn't Fake, I'd Rip It Out!"

Teenagers seriously lack creativity.

Right outside my house, two girls just had a bitch fight louder than any should be at 7:45 in the morning. Or at any other time, for that matter.

It went something like this.

"You're a bitch!"

"No, YOU'RE a bitch, you fucking bitch!"

"Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you!"

"Bitch, shut the fuck up! Fucking bitch!"

"I'll fuck you up, you whore! (wow, a different insult!) Bitch! (nevermind.)"

It then came up through incoherent yelling that the one "fucking bitch" was, like, totally wearing a similar shirt as the other "fucking bitch." Ohmygod for reals.

Ooh. Betch.

Ugh.

Were my teens really only 6 years ago?

Light years, people... light years.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Old Red Wine, Not Worth A Dime

It's about that time again.

The end of September.

A whole year later.

And the countdown is on.

It's the time where all of Niagara, and a hell of a lot of visitors, get a bit happy.

And get a bit crazy.

And have a bit of fun.

A year ago I was in such a different place.

Who knew so much could change?

If you had told me then that less than a year later I'd be shacked up with the guy on the right...

Well.

I'd have told you to lay off the booze, friend.

The Grape & Wine Festival - Bringing strangers together since the 1950's.

Can't wait.

Friday, September 5, 2008

You Were A Vampire, & Baby I'm The Walking Dead

Have you ever screamed yourself awake?

It used to be a rare occurrence for me; I'd be having a disturbing dream and start screaming in it. But then I wasn't only screaming in the dream, and could somehow hear myself actually screaming, while still fully in the dream. Eventually I wake up, well... screaming.

The actual noise coming from me is horrible, and completely non-human. The sound itself scares me out of the nightmare.

Lately, it's been happening more often. A sign of stress and confusion.

A couple of nights ago I had a dream that, for some reason, ended up with me alone in my dark kitchen singing loudly. Only I didn't want to be singing, and couldn't stop - I had no power over it. And my perception somehow split, so I knew I was singing in real life as well, and tried to force myself awake. I couldn't. Dream Kristen and Real Kristen kept on singing against their will. So eventually, I started screaming because I had no control and wanted out of the dream.

When I woke up, it was sudden and startling. The noises freak Craig out, but he knows where they come from.

Him holding me afterward helps a lot, but those dreams sure do mess up my head for awhile.

Are they normal?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Drinking By The Lighthouse, Smoking On The Pier

After a weekend back in St. Cath, I've come to realize that my friends bring out the best qualities in me.

"Beer-is-my-friend" crazy.

"I'm-only-yelling-because-the-voices-told-me-to" crazy...

and finally, "Y'arrr-I'm-A-Pirate-Monster-From-The-5th-Dimension....Stop-Looking-At-Me!-I'm-Not-Crazy!" crazy.

Good times, folks.

And uh, oh hey.... Blogger/Blogspot (whatever you are)... quick question.

Why must you take so effin' long to load my pictures?

Yeah. I dunno either.
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