I've never been an animal person.
When I was younger, I was absolutely TERRIFIED of animals, especially dogs. I couldn't be on the same side of the street, nevermind in the same house as a dog.
So don't ask me how the hell I am now living with one. I haven't a clue.
Guess I got over my insane phobia, as I now have a cat and a jack russell who has epilepsy and a tendency to go batshit crazy. Mind you, these pets are technically my boyfriend's. But since he started calling me their "mommy" a long damn time ago, and we all co-habitate together, they're mine too.
So here's my question...
Why the crap do pets make us speak and act as though we lack all intelligence?
When I'm hangin' out with Jack (the dog) I talk like a total idiot. I make up inane nicknames for him, smother the poor guy, and tell him over and over how much I really "lub" him. I even sing him songs where I replace lyrics with my nicknames for him. (Examples: "Hey, Mickey" is now "Hey, Jicky", and one part of "Rock Me, Amadeus" where they say "Amadeus, Amadeus" over and over is now "Baby Jackie, Baby Jackie").
And every time he comes into a room I seem to freak out like I didn't just see him two seconds ago. I'm not used to this crap, I swear I used to be sane! I didn't always act like I've recently been lobotomized.
But it's not just me. We're all guilty of this odd behaviour. Even you macho dudes who pretend you aren't. I call bullshit.
We're all to blame.
"Oh, little Jicky baby I lub you sooo much! Yes, mommy lubs you! Want some scratchins? Wanna go fer a walkie?? Ooohh, I lub you doggy."
Makes the bile rise, don't it?