I See A Subway Car, I Want To Paint It Black.

Shambled Ramblings Christmas Hiatus Status: Officially over.

Back in Toronto, and started my new job today.

I need to admit something. We're all friends here, right? Except for that one guy. But no one likes that one guy.

I'm a bad Torontonian. A joke, even. Cuz I've never ridden the subway alone... until today.

I know, I know.

But now I have, so it's all jim dandy. And I think I'll like taking the subway to my far-far-away office everyday, because that's where all the fun people are!

(note: fun = "interesting")

There was a lady who sat directly across from me and stared intently at me the whole time, no doubt performing some kind of evil voodoo. I stared back at her questioningly, but she did not waver. Not once. Creepy. I'm now afraid for my soul.

As I waited for a different train, a man came up and told me I was pretty. I was polite, said thank you, etc. Then he asked me out. I said I had a boyfriend. But I don't think he believed me. He was nice, though, so I hope he finds another lady on the subway who will take him up on his offer.

Good luck to you, sir.

And the most interesting person on the subway tonight?

Mick Jagger.

Yup. Good ol' Mick.

Slumped in a corner seat trying to go unnoticed with his dirty clothes and messy hair. He may or may not have even been drinking whisky out of a paper bag. I desperately wanted to tell him how much Paint It Black changed my life. (It didn't really, I just like it lots... ok?) If I see him tomorrow, I'll tell him you all said hi.

No autographs, please.

I've Built My Dreams Around You...

Ah, the inevitable Christmas post.

I blogged this video last year at this time, so here's to tradition. I know, I know... everyone's posting the same song. I don't care. It's my favourite, and it reminds me of last Christmas with the boy.

Tomorrow, we head back to Niagara for family time with Jack & Daisy in tow.

I haven't been in the Christmas spirit much this year, I've been too focused on other things. But I think when I get home, I'll remember why it's my favourite season.

I'm extremely thankful to our friends and family, especially right now. A certain few have helped and supported us through stresses and hardships, and we're so very grateful.

Finally, I'm happy to say that things are looking up. As of next week, I start a new job.

Good things can happen around this time. As negative as I am, I believe it.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, or whatever you may celebrate. It's a great time to be with family and friends, and reflect on the positives in your life.

Oh - and judging by this post? It's also a time that Kristen gets over-emotional and sentimentally lovehead.

Happy Holi-Daisy everyone!

Mrs. Beer

This past Saturday, we went to Niagara for Craig's Mom's surprise bday party.

Lotsa fun. It was hard not to steal his little nieces and bring 'em home.

No pics, however. I decided to give people a break for one night.

My lovely twinner friends were there, and they surprised me with a Christmas present.

Oh, my girls know me so well.

A Home Beer kit.

Awesome for agoraphobic beer addicts like me!



2 gallons of love.

Daisy learns quickly.

(She's also healing quite well, if you'll notice)



And soon enough, I'll be as happy as this guy... sittin' in my underwear, drinking beer I made, and never having to leave the house.

There really IS a Santa Claus.



Goetz Beer coming to no bars near you.

Doused In Mud, Soaked In Bleach

For those who asked, here's the blooper reel from the promos and commercials I did for Proud FM.

Probably not funny for anyone who doesn't know me or isn't drunk and confused.

Oh well.

Please, gather 'round and let your ears discover the professionalism that I do not possess.

And Mom? Just a warning:

Multiple expletives coming from your baby daughter.

One does not censor them self in the booth! Blame Masuka.



Explanations:

Most of the things I say are in response to what Masuka (Sean) is telling me in the headphones.

The Virgin Thing - cuz it was my second commercial.

The Tampon Thing - cuz he said "say this one as if it's a tampon commercial"

The Nirvana Thing - cuz he played "Come As You Are" through the headphones for me.


Fini.

I Just Blogged... To Say... I Love You.

Everyone, this is Jeff.

You may remember him from such posts as The Harper One, The Drinking One, The Other Drinking One, and The One About That Dude Going To Beijing For Some Olympic-y Thing

He's very special to me and Craig.

But lately, he feels unloved by us. And so, this post is to prove that to be untrue.

Remember all the good times, Jeff?

Remember?

Remember when we 'drank til 6am' that 'one time'?

Remember watching Mitch Hedberg on YouTube for hours, and then repeating it all for weeks after? "Bag em up"? "I'm FOR 'em"?

Remember Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp?

Remember our day dates, when we'd go do stuff 'n junk and you'd show me places 'n stuff and we'd look at crap and things?

You can't forget that.

Without you, I wouldn't know as much of Gilbert Gottfried's goodness. Or the 20 million random jokes you've taught me. Or what it's like to almost throw someone's Blackberry in a hotel toilet accidentally on purpose while he's sleeping in the next room.

I also wouldn't have the two Klosterman books that I borrowed from you and have yet to return. ... oh, right. I um, still have your books.

Anyways.... you get what I'm saying.

The love has not wavered, my dear chimp.

Nay, it has only grown.

Even your bigshot hockey night in Canada-ness is not enough to scare THIS broad away.

Come back to us.


Love,

"K" (aka - Leggy leggy leggy leggy, blondie blondie blondie blondie)

p.s. - John Bland has been spreading his propaganda and lies. Don't believe it. And he owes me a banana.

A Very Proud Kris-Mas

Friday was the second Proud FM Christmas party.

It included a 'blooper reel' from all the promos and commercials, put together by Masuka.

I was (un)lucky enough to be in a big chunk of it. Craig laughed so hard, he cried.

I thought about posting it here.

But... I'm not gonna.

Probably.



A bartender.

One of the Proud guys asked him to take off his shirt. And so, he did.

How very obliging.

Afterward, pretty men fought to look at these pictures.

Drink.

Drank.

Drunk.

Saturday, not so fun.

The price ya pay for free drinks, right?

The Season Begins...

Last week, my Mom & Dad made the trip up to Parkdale to bring me my tree that was in storage, and some other Christmas decorations.

Yay.

It's hard to get in the mood for Christmas without that stuff.

Why do pictures of trees never do them any justice?

When people stop by the casa now,

they'd be blind not to notice

that our tree

has BALLS.

Join The Joy Ride... I Mean DRIVE... Yeah, Drive.

Oh... I have a blog.

I forgot.

How I will re-cap the past few days, I have no idea.

Had a busy weekend. It included me and the boy going to Hoopdome where I showed my lack of basketball skills quite nicely. There ARE videos, but you may never see them. Then again, you might.

Sunday night was the first of two Proud FM Christmas parties.

From what I remember, it was a damn good time.


This, ladies and gents, is Sean.

But I call him Masuka.

Learn to love him. You have no choice.


Oh wow, did we win a TV?

What? No? It's Sean's?

Oh. Thanks.

Excited about their prizes. I would be, too.

I'm trying to do Sean Proulx's 'picture face'. I fail. He's prettier than me.

Lovely Laura givin' me the eyes over her wine.

Whatcha pointin' at?


Oh, Masuka.

That's what love looks like. Or at least people tell me it is.


Ladies shoes and tights.

All about the texture.

Cheesecake on a stick?

Uhhh....

Yeah!

Bus ride back to the station.

Fun night.
Now, as I said above, this is Sean.

Masuka.

I've been instructed to write about how much I love him and how wonderful he is.

All true.

He had me come into the station yesterday to voice 7 or 8 promos/commercials for them.

So fun, and this guy kills at his job.

The first promo is finished. So, of course, I have it here for you all.

I had to sing. Luckily, not alone. And the chick voice talking is me. (Yeah, no shit.)

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

(If it doesn't work, try this: http://www.esnips.com/doc/ede9d654-71e7-426a-b9c5-6e1ee6a2697f/proud_promo)

If you wanna hear that, the other stuff I did, and more of Sean's awesomeness (and you're in the GTA), hit up 103.9.

Word.

Weak Excuses

Dang.

Lack of posts.

Sorry, sorry.

Busy chick.

No time to type.

Will catch you all up soon-ish.

Possibly even with the inclusion of pictures

and mildly humorous anecdotes.

Or not.

Either way.


I have not forgotten you.

Well, most of you.

Junk Male

Wow.

You think you know who your friends are.

Even if they ARE strangers who read your blog and feel like they know you and maybe know some stuff that your real friends don't know because distance makes things easier to talk about, including body issues and points of insecurity, blah blah blah...

I digress.

But really. I tell you guys some important stuff. I think I can trust you. And then I get THIS email :

"Endorsed by healthcare professionals, doctors, and the top 3 Men's Magazines; this is what everyone has been waiting for. Amazing, incredible shooting volume.

Looking to achieve massive gains in a short period of time? Forget patches, and extenders that cause pain and don't work. Discover the new breakthrough in medical science, that allows for safe, effective and incredible gains to your manhood. "

WHO TOLD?

Who told this guy that I need 'incredible gains to my manhood'?

I told you in confidence. And now the word has spread about my lack of penis.

For shame, people. For SHAME.

Bite This

Ok, my lovelies. I promised happier posts.

So this is my gift to you.

What gift is it, you ask?

Why, it's the gift of laughter.

Laughter at my expense, no less.

Yes indeed. This little video clip here is an outtake. Who doesn't love outtakes?

I made videos for a TV show that will be airing on Bite TV in the near future and, because I am a spaz, I screwed up a few times before I was happy with what I did. Alas and alack, here is one such screw-up.

I'd also like to point out that I look oddly shaped in this video, and I seem to only have a lisp when I'm on camera. Oh yes, and I'm also an idiot. The question I'm answering is "What would you do if you were Prime Minister of Canada?" Enjoy!



Commence the hilarity of your mean comments. But don't be too mean.

There is a little white, wounded dog on my lap right now, and she

is

judging

you

all.

Happy Wednesday!

Mail Blagh

Kris;

Hello. I'm Sam. I live in London, ON and have been reading your blog regularly for almost a year. I never comment because I am shy and feel like I'll say something stupid and irrelevant. I see that other people have felt that way too. Silly, I know.

I decided to write to you today because I've been noticing that your entries have been sad again. I know you get 'those days' as you've named them. But they don't usually last this long. (I apologize for seeming like a crazy fan. I notice patterns.) I suppose I'm just curious and a bit concerned since I've grown to enjoy reading your stories. Is everything going alright in your world?

Please don't feel that you must respond. I am quite aware that it is not my business. Sometimes people just need to to talk and don't realize it. I'm just a concerned reader and admirer who hopes you are okay.


Sam

Thanks for the email, Sam. Strangely enough, this was not the only one like it.

I don't get TOO much mail from readers, but lately I have been. It's funny how strangers can be worried about someone they feel like they know. I do appreciate that concern.

To be perfectly honest, I'm just dealing with a lot of stress. It's been difficult, but I don't want to get into too many specifics on my blog. Some things I will absolutely allude to, but I tend to leave more personal information out. The reason being that it does not solely affect me, and I don't think readers will get any joy from reading about it.

Anyways, as the famous line goes "this, too, shall pass". And it will.

I apologize for making my posts depressy and annoying. Sometimes that can't be helped. I'll do my best to make them a bit more upbeat and positive. But please don't be angry if at times they just aren't. I'm human. And more flawed than I should be.

Thanks again for the kind words.

And Sam? Comment, damn you! My posts are irrelevant enough that nothing you say will make them any more so. :)

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Another weekend gone.

My little family is trying to deal with stress as best as we can. It's been hard.

So Saturday night, after a particularly difficult couple of days, me & the boy had a night out with friends. Had some folks over, watched some hockey at the rink, then off to the Rhino.

Was a lovely distraction for a bit. No troubles.

That is, until Sunday morning.

Took the doggies to the dog park so they could play with their friends.

As I've said before, Daisy is a feisty chick when it comes to playtime with other dogs. Apparently one of the local dogs didn't like her attitude, and attacked. She fought back, but was hurt in the end. Received a pretty nasty bite.

Took her to the vet, where it literally cost $230 JUST to be looked at.

Friggin' scam.

My poor little girl.

She's sore, but toughin' it out.

She'll be feeling better soon, we hope.

'Til then, I'll be watching this video from when she was her usual playful self.



(Please disregard my dorkiness. The dogs bring that out in me. For serious.)