Thursday, January 29, 2009

Monologue Dialogue

If I were to speak to myself from a year or two ago, I wonder how it would pan out. Pretty sure I'd hate the bitch.

For shits & giggles (or yawns and boredom), allow me to guess how that conversation would go.

Older Kris vs. Younger Kris:

Younger Kris - Hey.

Older Kris - Hello.

YK - You go out last night?

OK - Nope. Fell asleep watching the Raptor game with Craig.

YK - Holy crap. What time did you get up?

OK - Just after 6am, I guess.

YK - You're insane. When was the last time you were out all night?

OK - Can't remember. A few weeks ago. Maybe. Maybe not.

YK - What the hell happened to you? Where'd this chick go?

OK - That's you. And you look like an idiot. Your shirt is too small.

YK - Ok, Grandma. I'll go get you a cardigan. This this is what I become?

OK- What's wrong with that?

YK- You look dead. Remember being fun? Like this birthday that you hardly remember?

OK - Yeah. I out-drank a small country. And I'm still fun.

YK- Yeah, sounds like it. Hey, how's that new guy you're dating? The way older one that everyone's giving you shit about?

OK - Craig? We live together. No one gives me shit about him anymore. The age thing has long blown over.

YK - Ah. You're all domesticated. Do you still have friends at least?

OK - You really are a bitch. Yes, I still have friends. Those ones just live back home.

YK - Of course. Hey... old lady... Remember when people liked you? And thought you were funny?

OK - Judging from this conversation with you, I see I wasn't so funny after all. I was apparently just unable to make normal faces in pictures.

YK - Yeah. Now everything is about your dogs and boyfriend and boring shit no one cares about.

OK - Grow up.

YK - No thanks....

Hey. Do ya want a beer?

OK - Yes. Yes I do.

YK - Aw, maybe you didn't change too much after all.

OK - Nope... Maybe not.


Krista said...

I am definitely at the OK stage right now, looking back at the YK thinking wow you sure spent a lot of money partying didn't you?

Dirty Harry said...

a - I think you're still quite funny.

b - The picture with the Crue tank would go on my screen saver if it wouldn't make me creepy. I love old Crue but I love unbeleivably gorgeous women in the shirts more.

c - Canada looks more fun than where I am in the states.

d - How much older is your boyfriend if you don't mind the question?

Kris said...

Krista - Tell me about it!

Dirty Harry -

a) Thanks

b) Wowzers. Thanks again. Old Motley Crue makes me quite happy.

c) Where are ya in the States?

d) I don't mind. He's 11 years older. But most people don't believe me.

phx said...

Wow. I would never have guessed there was an age difference. :)

Thanks for the laugh... if I did one of these I think the old me would sound emo, and that scares me.

chimp said...

Even though I didn't know the old, K...I like this K best.

she rocks

she's fun

she makes me laugh

a lot

Kris said...

phx - Emo might be better than drunk! Well, maybe not. :)

chimp - You're gonna make me emotional.... Big hugs to you.

Mike D. said...

You've always been great. It just so happens that you're not quite as hot as you used to be.

I'm so kidding. Put down the gun.

Kris said...

Nah, you're right. I hit my peak at the age of 1... and it's been downhill ever since.

Wil said...

Well I never would have guessed Craig was 36. Would you believe I'm actually 55? Shit, you probably would. Damn hard living!


Kris said...

Actually Wil, I had no idea! And I'm sure Craig will like your comment. :)

Wil said...

Jesus! It was a joke, I'm only 41!


Kris said...

Far too easy, Wil!!!

Anonymous said...

greatest. post. ever.

Anonymous said...

also, your bf has hairy feet. Is he a hobbit?

Kris said...

Yes. Yes he is. Luckily for me, he's a TALL hobbit. The other hobbits shunned him for being different, so I rescued him and showed him that he was special.

Yep. I'm hot for hobbits.

phx said...

sometimes my hubby and i pull a weird al on some songs... you should do that with the song "hot for teacher"... "hot for hobbits"... lol.

k said...

So i'm reading this post and think to myself.."No f*cking way is she 11 years older..she looks good". Hell, more power to her..screw stereotypes.Then I re-read..and get the actual gist. That dude's got the whole boyish thing going. No way in hell would I have picked him as that age. Maybe it's the way you present yourself in your writing..I thought you were the older one.

k said...

Hell, crap..I didn't mean you look old..just mature. Hmm there's no way of redeeming this now is there.Ok..foot inserted in mouth..lodged firmly down throat.

Kris said...

phx - I 'Weird Al' EVERYTHING! good call!

K - Hahahahahaha... thank you for making me laugh. Craig's gonna LOVE your comment. I'm 25, he's 36. And yes, he does have the 'boyish' thing goin on...

And I think it's great that you thought I was the older one! I'm tired of people at bars asking me if I'm 19...

Frosted Mini-wheat rebellion said...

Wow K.

And the Boy doesn't look mature?


Chris Ragobeer said...

Holy Sh* are hilarious Kris haha

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...