Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Love Letters


Dear Lady Who Almost Ran Over My Dog Last Night,

Good morning. Hope you slept well. You may not remember me (frankly you didn't seem to be paying attention to anything around you), but you and your Vehicle of Mass Destruction nearly plowed me down yesterday on the corner of Jarvis and Church. Now, it isn't myself that I am so concerned about. But to put it bluntly...

Bitch, you almost killed my dog.

Since you were driving, I can only assume that you must have passed a driving test. Congratulations for that. Did you skip the part about pedestrians crossing when the light is green? Did you see that little white image of a person walking? I saw it. That's why I crossed with Jack, and Craig crossed with Daisy.

You, on the other hand, turned right when you weren't supposed to. How you failed to see two fairly tall adults walking two white dogs, I have no idea. But you were a milisecond away from trapping Jack under your neutral-coloured mid-sized generic family sedan, and you paid no notice. Even when Craig screamed at you, you didn't flinch.

People like you make me angry. I hope that you never have to go through the anguish of killing someone's dog - but if you do, let it be a lesson to you. You are a shitty driver who doesn't deserve the privilege of owning anything motorized, except the blinds in the house you should never leave.

Had you killed this little guy, trust that there'd be hell to pay.


Sincerely,


The Chick Who Would've Pounded Your Face In If She Had The Chance



11 comments:

Shaz said...

License plates? Find her, track her, smear butcher meats on her grill and bumper and wheels, she'll be guilty feeling for months.

Kris said...

I didn't catch the plates.

Next time, though... she's dead meat. Jack may be epileptic, but he's spunky! And tough. :)

blepharisma said...

awwww, poor little guy! good thing he's ok!

Anonymous said...

I grasp that rage feeling. Years ago, while crossing an intersection on a motorcycle, I had a guy come within feet of t-boning me with his large sedan. After the shock of the close call I looked at the guy just wanting some sort of acknowledgement of concern. Nothing. Wouldn't even look at me. He took off fast so I whipped around the block and caught him at the stop sign, parked my bike in front of his car trapping him and walked to his window.He wouldn't even look at me. So I kicked in his door, then common sense kicked in and the rage dissipated and I left.Prick, he deserved it, hope it cost him a grand to repair.Maybe not my finest moment, but coming close to being mangled will get you going. I had one of my dogs get out of our gate once and get clipped by a car going at least 30 mph. Totally my fault but the Gods were kind. Crazy little f*cker just bounced up as people gasped and just kept running.A lucky day.

Anonymous said...

There will be blood at recess for this bitch.... Oh bloody bloody recess

Kris said...

Bleph - Jicky's tough, he just shruggede it off :)

Anon - We were pretty steamed, but there was no way we were catching the car after she sped off. Even if we kicked in her door, she probably wouldn't notice. Grrr.

Anonx2 - Heh.

ghetto.punk.chic said...

Oh.my.lord.

Why is it that I didn't know of this til now? Poor Mister Jeckles. Some people should not have licences.

Kris said...

I haven't talked to ya much lately, my love! And yeah.. wait til you hear about Mr. Jickles THIS weekend :(

Mike D. said...

This guy has really been through the ringer huh?

Kris said...

Yep. Sure has.

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