Friday, October 2, 2009

A Three Hour Tour

We recently held a work party aboard a boat. Looking back I realize that the boat cruise was, in fact, a three-hour tour.

How very Gilligan of us.

This calls for another Shambled How-To.

Shall we??

How To Re-Make Gilligan's Island Without The "Stranded" Part:

1. Before boarding the vessel, meet with fellow cruise goers at a safe house to ensure rules of boat safety are explained and memorized. Then drink mimosas and take pictures.

2. Travel to location of docked boat by limo, so that the stress of city driving does not impair one's judgement and cause them to later become confused and throw themselves off of said boat.

Besides - men this pretty should travel everywhere in style.

3. Board boat. Receive drink tickets. Use one or more ticket. Socialize. Repeat.

4. When the buffet lunch becomes available, be sure to eat more than you think you can fit, just in case you DO become stranded on an island and a fatassed skipper decides to take all the rations you may have brought.

5. The guy with the hat is always in charge. And he always has a hot lady beside him, who can take the place of Mary Anne and Ginger. Also remember - he who wears the captain's hat is probably the captain. This means he is in charge of drink tickets. Make friends with the captain.

6. If you've mistakenly forgotten your neck protection, borrow someone else's. Even if it is fuchsia and looks better on him than you.

7. Take picture inventory of all who board the ship, and later do a head count. If another woman kisses you while picture is being taken, it does not count as one head due to attachment. It's still two people.

8. Lastly, and most importantly, REMEMBER TO GET OFF THE BOAT WHEN IT DOCKS. I cannot stress this enough. Otherwise, who knows where you will end up. And sometimes, when you get off that boat, there's a limo waiting to take you to another location full of beer and wondrous things.

So screw you, Gilligan. This is where you went wrong.


Anonymous said...

You just gave me a great idea: scarves for couples. "Because sometimes, holding hands isn't enough."

Kris said...

It's true!!

Do it!

Mike D. said...

Very funny. But you look drunk!

Kris said...



Anonymous said...

That bar didn't know what hit it, I hear!

Kris said...


Good times.

ghost said...

this is good to know. ill file it next to my zombie survival guide.

Kris said...

Just tryin' to help :)

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