Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,

Hi. I know you haven't heard from me in awhile. Don't take it personally, I just haven't needed to send you a letter about the Jem dolls I want for Christmas, or how I only needed one She-Ra to have the collection.

(Um... If you have any Jem or She-Ra dolls kickin' around the ol' workshop, I'll still take 'em off your hands...)

Anyway... I decided to write to you this year because you're the man with the ability to give people what they want, and more importantly what they may need.

And any dude who can pull off that outfit demands respect for sure.

I don't need a lot. I've learned that.

But the truth is, the past couple of years have taken their toll. They've been hard - due to bad luck, bad choices and bad breaks. For me and my little immediate family, life lessons have been learned in ways that most people will never know.

So really, all I ask is for normalcy. Basic things in life that are so easily taken for granted. And the knowledge that we'll survive everything that will continue to be thrown our way.

Same goes for those I love and care for - can you make sure their needs are met and that they live day-to-day with a content feeling? And stability?

Can you do that?

I know. It's a lot to ask. I'm just hoping for a good 2010. One that will restore my faith in...well, everything.

And that's hard to do.

So if you can't help a chick out, I understand.

And I'll still be your friend. Promise!

But I guess that means I should ask for something else as a back-up... I always have a contingency plan, Mr. Claus. My mom taught me well.

So, if you can't deliver on the happiness and all that mushy bullshit I just asked for....

Can I have a brand new 52 inch flat screen TV with surround sound? I want the kind that'll make my meals, do my taxes, wash my clothes and tell me I'm pretty.

I think they're on sale at Best Buy, so you should really act quickly.

No really... get goin'.

K, thanks!

Lots of love,



Anonymous said...

Good Plan B.

PS You're pretty.

Santa Vail said...

It may be sacrilege, but I always felt Barbie and the Rockers had more talent than Jem and the Holograms. They say Barbie slept her way to the top, fornicating with men missing their genitals, but I say, hogwash!

Kris said...

screetus - You, sir, are better than tv, obviously!

Ho Ho Vail - Yep. I had Barbie and her Rockers. Even the instruments and stage set-up! C'mon... you should expect that.

ghost said...

i, ghost, do hereby attest and bear witness to this letter. futhermore, i second this to the letter. unlike kris though, if you choose not to deliver on this, you can lose my number. because face it, you effed me over with 2009.

Kris said...

Ah, ghost. I'm making sure Santa delivers a great 2010 to you, sir.

Kris said...

Ah, ghost. I'm making sure Santa delivers a great 2010 to you, sir.

Mike D. said...

Killer panyhose things. Oh my.

Kris said...

Ya want a pair?

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