Friday, January 29, 2010

Answers From Above


Yep. I'm still alive. I've been forcing myself to NOT blog, because I didn't want to vent and post about how sad, depressed and scared I was. I still don't want to post all that, but a wise man told me to use the blog as an outlet. Get everything out. So maybe I will... within reason. 

I'm not going to pretend to be happy for the sake of keeping up appearances. I'm not happy. Waking up in the morning is the hardest part, because for a few seconds I forget. And then it all comes back to me. Everything has changed. I won't lie, I'm scared to be alone.

But I'll make the best of it. I promise.

I've been back home in St. Catharines for the past few days in order to clear my head and be around friends and family. It's been good, if not a bit strange. This is the city I grew up in, but I feel like a stranger. And yet, Toronto doesn't quite feel like it's mine either. 

Perhaps The Littlest Hobo and I can travel together. Who needs a home? Not us.

For any of you who read my blog before I ever moved outta this place, you may remember my weekly Wasted Wednesdays at my home-away-from-home, Mansion House.

For the first time in the past year and a half, I was back there on a Wednesday. It was good to see friends and familiar faces. That bar doesn't change much, and it shouldn't.

Even if just for a couple of hours, it was a distraction. 

After the bar, a couple of us ventured off to get FGPs (Fat Girl Platters, of course...) because no visit with me is complete without one. Unfortunately, the place was closed so we headed to Mcdonalds.

Surely, a Big Mac can make my life feel better? Right?

It was delicious. I admit.

But you wanna know the kicker?

While the three of us sat there, eatin' our fat-infused goodness, the only people in the place (we ate inside).... I heard something that I never in my life expected to hear.

Skid Row was playing over the speakers.

That's right. Skid Row was playing in an empty Mcdonalds at 3 in the morning.

I'd like to think it's Sebastian Bach's way of telling me that I'm going to be ok.

Thanks Sebastian. 

I trust you, your leather chaps, flowing hair, and girl-pretty good looks. Surely you would not steer me wrong.


In Bach I trust.

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Situation

So. I suppose I should explain why I haven't posted here or visited any blogs in over a week.

It's been a rough few days, to put it mildly.

The boy (as he is lovingly referred to on the ol' blog) and I have decided to part ways. We are in the process of breaking up.

It's sad. It's unbelievably painful. It's scary.

But it's happening.

We'll be splitting up our little family and leaving behind the home we made together. We'll both venture off to start new lives, and re-build ourselves.

Having never been alone, this is pretty terrifying for me. There are so many options and non-options, it has my head spinning. Whether to stay here, or  move back to St. Catharines. Money issues. Personal issues. It's all jumbled.

And before anyone asks - I have no ill will towards C. At all. He is a wonderful man, who has been a great support for me. He pushed me in ways that I couldn't push myself, and saw potential I didn't let myself believe in. I'm grateful. We've been through more together than most couples can say - I'm actually proud of us both.

I loved him with all my heart for the years we've been together, and will always care for him greatly. Some things just don't work out the way you want them to. The hurt I'm feeling now is because I care so much. So I'm not in a good spot right now, but I know it will get better with time. Hopefully we won't be out of each other's lives completely.

And so, don't expect any happy, joke-riddled posts for awhile. This is gonna take some time to get over. As I pick up the pieces and start to feel normal, everything else will too I hope.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Sad Plight of Gerry the Giraffe

Meet Gerry the Giraffe.

He was given to Daisy for Christmas. He's her new special friend.

Gerry is a happy guy who likes to lie on the couch and watch cartoons.

He is also very affectionate.

Unfortunately for Gerry, Jack finds stuffed giraffes delicious.

Veeeery delicious. He likes to rip off their ears, chew off their noses, and empty their insides.


Jack once had his own special friend.... this is Larry the Lion.

He didn't last very long.

As for Daisy?

She's smart. She knows that Gerry the Giraffe is slowly being killed by Jack. She can't blame him.

So she found a new back-up best friend.

The End.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Adventures in Nothingness

It has come to my attention, via a lovely reader, that I no longer blog about what I've been up to, or how my weekend was. (The main reason? Not a lot goin' on!)

This weekend wasn't overly packed full o' adventures, but here we go anyways:


Got my hair done. A bit darker, a bit shorter (darn previously bleached damaged ends...)

Random Fact: this is the shortest my hair has been in my adult life. GROW BACK NOW!


The usual doggie play time outside. Nuthin' says "we're a happy family" like Jack peeing on Daisy.

Went to see the boy's hockey game. My secret boyfriend Neil came along. At C's request, I wore this vintage jersey for support of some type.

Then we headed to our casa for some beers and Playstation.

I am noticeably riveted by the boys playing Gran Turismo.

But then, it's my turn at the ol' Guitar Hero. The boy remains impressed with my questionable skills, and will never ever play.


Not much to speak of. We tried to go see Avatar at the Varsity Cinemas, but a darn blackout caused us to turn back home without a movie date.


My life isn't all that exciting. I'd rather write about random nonsensical bullshit that holds my attention for five seconds until I see something shiny that causes me to stop what I'm doi - Oooh! Sparkly lights!

Friday, January 8, 2010


Dear coffee and chocolate-dipped doughnut,

Partaking in your deliciousness while everyone else at work is on diets and cleanses did not make me feel like a cow, and never will. You are a simple pleasure that brightens my mood. Thanks for the calories - I mean, memories. Same goes to you Big Mac, you delicious beast.

Dear Shaz,

As per your request - picture proof of the aptly nicknamed dirty Creamsicle Boots. Unfortunately, after a quick test, I found out that they do NOT taste anything like Creamsicles.

(Daisy says hi.)

Dear stomach,

We haven't had a good life together. I know that. You tend to disagree with me, and you've never been fond of my eating habits. but the pain you're bringing me lately is just too much. I will NOT allow you to put me in a hospital again. You can't control me. And if I find out that you have decided to start-up a gluten allergy, ohhh... there will be HELL to pay.

Dear Mona Lisa,

I know you're mad. I'm sorry. I do realize that you're one of the most famous paintings ever, and that I should've been happy to have you. But chick, you were HUGE. You would've taken up an entire wall with your bored little eyes following me everywhere. And besides. We already have a girl in our living room. And Modigliani's sucidal ex probably would've stabbed you right in the "Mona Lisa Smile".

Dear Kris,

Yeah. I'm writing to you again. I mean I'm writing to me again. Whatever. Just... make up your mind, ok? Figure out what you want, and get it. Stop treading water like a clueless idiot who is afraid to take chances. You're better than that. I'm better than that. God.

p.s. - You're still a funny jerk sometimes.

Dear Google,

Today I learned something. I don't need you. When Neil and I were racking our brains to remember Kim Catrall's damn name, I FORCED myself to use my head instead of automatically looking to you for help. And y'know what? It came to me. I figured it out on my own. I don't need to Google everything anymore. Not like that guy.... shit, what was his name? With the dark hair... and the face. Yeah. Ugh, I forget his name...

Alright, Google. I'll come back to you. But just this once.

Love to all of you,


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

3 Decades Later...

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but it's winter out there.

I realize that I live in Canada - but dammit, I don't deal well with the cold weather.

And so I've taken to wrapping myself up like a mummy in scarves and toques, warm jackets and gloves, and my orange and white winter boots that look like they belong to a little girl. Which means that the end result is pretty much me looking like a little girl in a snowsuit, waddling down the street.

During today's waddle to work, while I was feeling like a giggly little monkey, a song came on my Zune that fit perfectly with my current state of mind and reinforced a long lost love.

That song was Motley Crue - Looks That Kill.

Oh yeah. Mama loves her 80's hair bands.
Crue. Skid Row. Poison. Slaughter. Scorpions. Tesla. I could go on forever.... but I won't.

Because I know that most people don't agree, and will make fun of me for still loving these leather-clad, painted men and their pre-pubescent screaming abilities.

But all I know is that walking (ok... waddling...) down the street this morning with Vince Neil wailing in my ears about some badass chick reminded me of when I was younger.

And that actually made the cold weather more bearable.

... but maybe not that much .

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Twenty Ten

Well, it's a new year.

2010... there's a bit of a "holy shit" factor when I sit and think about it.

Ten years ago I was 16. Insecure, yet loudmouthed. Unsure of where I belonged, but loyal to those who made me feel like I did.

Meh. Guess not much has changed.

Every year begins the same way for most people.

We tend to see it as a fresh start, a new beginning.

A time to make resolutions that we promise ourselves will come true.

I'm really no different.

I try to have a "fresh start" and "brand new outlook" each month, thinking it'll change everything into positives.

It hasn't. But I'm not giving up yet.

2010 will NOT be the same as 2008 and its bitchy sister 2009.

I will make 2010 my new best friend.

In return, 2010 will give me what I need.

Security. Contentedness. The drive to keep going.

And just enough difficulty to keep this chick interested.

I'm vowing here and now to fight for the things I want.

Let go of the things, and people, that I no longer need.

And continue to indulge in the beers and Big Macs I'm told to avoid.

This year is for me.

Now, if I could fast-forward time to a year from now,

I admit

There's a damn good chance I'll be spewing the same nonsense then.


It just means that I'm gonna keep trying

Til I get it right.

So Happy New Year to all of you.

May all your dreams for 2010 come true.

And if they don't?

Well, hell....

There's always next year.

Good riddance, 2009!

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