The past month has been, to put it bluntly, a scum-sucking ass-tastic son of a goddamned bitch.
Everything went wrong. Big things. Little things. Stupid things. Didn't matter what it was. It went from horribly bad, to worse, to "how is it that I'm able to exist from day-to-day with all this shit going on? Hmm."
As if the breakup hadn't been (and isn't still) hard enough, it was merely a starting point. A launch pad o' fun.
And so, the negativity soared. I'm negative by nature... it's true. But lately? Since Murphy's Law had decided to make an example of me (y'know... "everything that can go wrong WILL go wrong.."), I saw no positivity in anything.
It's the wrong way to be.
Feeling helpless and overwhelmed and lost is shitty. Just plain shitty. I've recently been prone to random cry-fests, overwhelming nausea, massive outbursts of rage, capped off with an unavoidable need to curl up in a ball and stay that way. Permanently.
Today I've decided to change all of that. If I let it consume me, it'll never go away.
So I'm going to look forward to new things. Look "change" in the eye, punch it in the face and run away. Then come back and ask it to be my friend.
*I have to take positive baby steps in order to be the lion I need to be.
Cuz I've got plans, baby.
(* current mindset is subject to change. Yeah, sorry bout that...)