Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Goin' Off The Rails On The Daisy Train


Oh hi there. It's me. Daisy.

I'm just dog-bloggin' on my mom's Mac.

She got to post all those darn pictures of her friends, I thought it was only fair that I did too.


She brought me to work for a couple of days last week, before we moved away from Toronto.

Y'know those popular girls in high school that everyone wanted to touch, talk about and be around?

Yeah. That was me. Her co-workers loved me.

Not tryin' to brag or anything.... but geez. After my sad breakup with Jack, this kinda made me feel better.


He's so into me.


And look! Another friend.

She took me for a walk, so I decided to love her forever.

But my mommy had to move me away from my friends, so now we're in St. Catharines.



It's cool, though.

I mean... I have a big yard to play in. My mom takes me on long walks by the lake.

I've already picked out all the squirrels and birds I'm going to eventually kill, and then I'm gonna take on a huge monster that roams the streets going "gobble, gobble!".

What the hell is it?

Soon to be dead. That's what.


And I guess it's pretty good here cuz I'm already being spoiled. I got a brand new bed... some new toys... and three big people to cuddle me.


Too tight, mom.


Yeah. She loves me. Guess I can't complain.


Holy crap, this blogging thing is tiring. I don't even have opposable thumbs, so it ain't easy.


Goodnight, blog readers. Time to go sleep with my pet tiger. And my basketball.

Hugs 'n licks,


Your Favourite Bitch - Daisy

p.s. - uh.... woof.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Roll The Windows Down, This Cool Night Air Is Curious.

First post from St. Catharines... but enough about St. Catharines. Let's talk about my Toronto people.

Cuz... wow.

Friday night I had my "Goodbye... For Now" party at the Rhino in my favourite 'hood, Parkdale.

I honestly wasn't sure if anyone would show up.

I was wrong.

It was amazing to see so many faces and friends, all together in on place.

About 3 or 4 completely different groups of people all hanging out together and making new friends.


You guys are awesome.

I had a great time, and it was the perfect sendoff.



I am now more dedicated than ever to making this work so I can come back.

Guess I made Toronto my home.

I just hadn't realized how much.




I took a lot of pictures, but I wish I took more.

Some faces are missing, and this is the kind of night I really want to remember.


I managed to keep tears at bay, for the most part.

Some of those damn tears may have managed to slip by at the very end of the night.

Blame the Labatt 50. Blame those I cried with.

Blame me, cuz hell... I'm an emotional kinda chick.




We pause now for a Kristen & Neil Photoshoot of Nutbar Faces:





I'll miss my freak.


"Are you still here? Don't you have another city to be in?" 

C came too, just to make sure I was really leaving. 

Kidding. Thanks for the Jager and hugs, boy!


And Matt, thanks for the Chino vs. Maynard singalong! Sorry if I ruined your ears, or anyone else's.



And so, the night eventually ended.

I went home to get no sleep.

And moved back to St. Catharines.


And from here, I will rant to you all about my adventures in dog walking, wild turkey chasing, and Mansion House visiting.

Til I get my ass back where it belongs.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Would You Stay If She Promised You Heaven?

*deep breath*

Aaaand exhale. Well hi there.


Thanks for all the messages and emails and comments about my last couple of posts. Yeah, shit's gone crazy. That's why I'm gonna fix it. Right? Right.

This past weekend was an interesting one, and I'd like to thank my lovely cousin Leah for visiting and putting up with my wonky moods. We managed to have some fun in the midst of all the emotional crap. We're good at that.

Did dinner at the Rhino... then drinks at the Wreck Room.


Neil - "You can't leave me!"

Me - "Bitch, I'll be back."



This is CrazyDrunkenDancingLeatherMan.

He... well... that name says it all.



He enjoyed posing. I quickly ran away.

Despite my depressed and unsure state, I had a pretty fun night.

And then... I forgot how to walk while going down THREE damn stairs, and I sprained my ankle.

Yeah, you read that right. Sprained ankle. The bad luck continues, friends.


Well... today is Wednesday. I'm moving away on Saturday. Craziness.

For anyone who is interested, I'm having a "Goodbye For Now" party on Friday night at The Rhino, my ol' West end watering hole.

Come on by if you're up to it. No really. Come.


Daisy's all ready for the move. She can't wait to run around in my parents' backyard, chase some squirrels, maybe kill a few.... and then go head-to-head with that elusive wild turkey.

Lucky bitch.

Thinking about how good it will be for her makes me feel a bit better about the decision to leave.

Still haven't quite got used to the idea of it. Still have the anxiety attacks. But heeere we go!

See ya Friday! Or else...


Saturday, March 20, 2010

Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You

Well...

Since the last post, chronicling a lovely 24-hour long breakdown, a decision has been made.

I can't stay here. I want to. But I can't.

I'm broke. I'm in debt from the difficult few years that C and I had. I have to be out of my apartment at the end of the month, but I can't afford to go anywhere in Toronto. It isn't a possibility anymore - things have come up.

So I'm going home. Back to good (?) ol' St. Catharines.

It's a temporary thing. I'm giving myself a month or two to save all the money I have, get a temp job or bartending job, save more, all the while looking for a job in Toronto.

Gotta get back on my feet.

So I will return.

The sooner I find a good job, the sooner I'll be back. And that'll be the fire under my ass that drives me.

I won't lie, I'm really sad about it. There's a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach. I made Toronto my home. I don't want to leave all my friends and the people I love.

But some things in life give you no damn choice.

So I'll be back, and better than ever. It's just going to be friggin' hard.

... it feels like another damn breakup.


I'm leaving you in a week, Toronto.

I'll put on a smile and pretend to be happy about it.

But hell. I'm not.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Screw The Title

Today was a day I can't even explain.

To anyone around me, they'd never know anything was wrong.

But it is.

The positive attitude I've adopted in the past little while, psyching myself up for new things and a completely changed life? All gone. In just a day.

I don't like to get too personal on here, and I don't think I could explain if I tried... but all day I just wanted to not be there. I wanted to not exist.

It was the kind of day when all you want to do is go home and cry your eyes out. And I haven't done that in a very long time, all things considered.

I could feel the tears welling up as I trudged down the street toward my apartment. So sad, so lost, so.... wrong. And I couldn't control it. Positive thoughts sounded empty and false in my own silly head.

I got home, ready for some kind of comfort in crying and being in my own space. But all I got was a lovely view of my apartment uncharacteristically destroyed by my dog. (Which is an issue because my only apartment options at this moment are shared. If my dog is going to destroy things, I just won't be able to live with someone else and chance that.)

And there, I lost it. It capped off the entire day.

I was on the floor crying like I've never cried before, lying on spilled dog kibble and random chewed up things provided by Daisy.

The realization sadly hit then and there... I have nothing. I have no apartment after April 1st. I have no money. My job is becoming something unrecognizable that will blow up in my face. I have no one to rely on, or really talk to.

I don't know how the hell I'm going to salvage any of this.

I'm still crying, even now. A big stupid blubbering idiot. I want my positive thoughts back.

I just can't find them.

I give up.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Massive Attack

Every single morning, without fail, I wake up to a serious anxiety attack.

Every damn morning.

And with each attack comes a sudden yearning to run back to St. Catharines where it's easy and comfortable.

In those first few minutes of wakefulness, it seems like the best idea. To go backwards. To start over. To engulf myself in old habits and routines, with people I know I could depend on.

It drives me nuts. I almost convince myself. Every morning.

Luckily, by afternoon I switch outlooks and psyche myself up for the challenges of an entirely new life. Because literally every single aspect of my life has recently changed, is in the middle of changing, or will be changing shortly.

Bring it on.

Oh, and mornings? You and I have some shit to settle.

These anxiety attacks are getting in the way of my sleep.


This chick needs her sleep.



*****

Last week was Canadian Music Week. 

Because I work in radio, I attended some seminars, an awards lunch, and a Trailblazer Breakfast for women in broadcasting (celebrating Denise Donlon, who I now want to be.)

But I somehow failed to go to all the live shows I meant to.



Two of my girlies came up for the night on Saturday, and it took all the energy we had to get off our asses and head to the Horseshoe to see some bands.

We lasted an hour.


*****

And lastly.... as today is March 17th, and I AM Irish:



Happy St. Patrick's Day, folks!

Wish I was doing the day up proper with my hometown favourites, but alas... I am not.

So enjoy your shamrocks and shenanigans everyone.

I'll be at home, playing with my shillelagh.

Drink a few for me

Saturday, March 13, 2010

And It Leans On Me, Like A Rootless Tree

I haven't been so good at posting much lately.

Ah... not that I was any good at it before.

But I'm trying to keep busy.

And even when I'm trying NOT to keep busy,

Busy seems to be keeping me.


I've never lived alone before.

It's... strange.

Quiet.

Good points, bad points.




For someone who has rarely done daily routine things alone in my whole life, I'm becoming oddly accustomed to doing everything by myself.

Just me.

I like me. I kick ass. I'm a good companion, if only for myself.

And maybe for Daisy.



But still.

It hasn't been very long.  A week?  Week and a half?

And I have to admit...

I really, really miss him.

He was the sweetest boy I've ever known, and I don't think I'll ever love another like him.

I selfishly hope he misses me too...




Oh, Jack. My little guy. It's just not the same without ya.


What?

Who did you think I was talkin' bout?

Yes, C is missed too.

And he knows it. (Daisy sends kisses)

Alright. That's all I got for today.

Time to attack the weekend, head-on.

G'bye, blogtown.

Monday, March 8, 2010

I Will Find A Center In You, I Will Chew It Up And Leave

Weekend's over. Just thought you'd like to know.

I spent 8 hours, yes 8 HOURS walking around the West end of Toronto on Saturday, looking at apartments with my dear Neil.


Luckily we had time to make a few brief stops.


I took him to my old street in Parkdale for some poutine at Stampede.

Extra curds, cuz that's how ya gotta roll.


And without realizing until now, I made Labatt 50 my boyfriend of the weekend. We hung out Friday and Saturday. I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.


Being back in the West end, hoofing around Roncy and Parkdale felt great. I had missed it so much, living downtown this past year. I'm excited to finally move back - if only I found the right apartment.

And going back to the Rhino (our ol' neighbourhood watering hole) and having a pint felt like coming home.

Weird.


"See? Windows in the west end are just cooler. And they like better music. And watch better movies. And... the window is the only one listening to me."


Later, although exhausted from the long day, we headed to the Wreck Room to see Bob spin again.

And I may have had too much fun screaming my favourite Rage Against The Machine, Deftones and Faith No More songs. Oh, and Tool... can't forget Tool. Thanks Bob.


Well look who it is! There's a face y'all haven't seen in awhile.

Hey Craig! Get outta my apartment, you don't live here anymore!

I must be irresistible, loveable and wonderful. Why else would he be back?

... oh... right. The dog.

;)

He came for a little while to come bring my sweet Jack to his new home.

And I'm kinda nice for a mean bitch, so I cooked him up a meal. It's a fact that single dudes don't eat right.  

Eggs. I don't know how to cook much else.


Oh, my puppies. So sad to have to separate them.

Daisy was pretty upset when she knew Jack was gone. She cried, which isn't normal for her.

She even sat at the door with her ball, waiting to play with him.

She's better now though.


It's you and me, girly.

But you're gonna love it. 

Promise.


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