Saturday, March 20, 2010

Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You

Well...

Since the last post, chronicling a lovely 24-hour long breakdown, a decision has been made.

I can't stay here. I want to. But I can't.

I'm broke. I'm in debt from the difficult few years that C and I had. I have to be out of my apartment at the end of the month, but I can't afford to go anywhere in Toronto. It isn't a possibility anymore - things have come up.

So I'm going home. Back to good (?) ol' St. Catharines.

It's a temporary thing. I'm giving myself a month or two to save all the money I have, get a temp job or bartending job, save more, all the while looking for a job in Toronto.

Gotta get back on my feet.

So I will return.

The sooner I find a good job, the sooner I'll be back. And that'll be the fire under my ass that drives me.

I won't lie, I'm really sad about it. There's a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach. I made Toronto my home. I don't want to leave all my friends and the people I love.

But some things in life give you no damn choice.

So I'll be back, and better than ever. It's just going to be friggin' hard.

... it feels like another damn breakup.


I'm leaving you in a week, Toronto.

I'll put on a smile and pretend to be happy about it.

But hell. I'm not.

25 comments:

ghost said...

:(

Anonymous said...

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

screetus said...

Well, the great thing about your plan is that Toronto will be here, ready for your triumphant return.
And you can always come visit in the meantime.

Kris said...

ghost - dont be sad. I'm still really far from you, either way! :p

Anon - Glad you're happy, whoever ya are!

screetus - Thanks! I'm already excited for my triumphant return!

Craig said...

Ahhhh...

The never boring, always entertaining anonymous internet douchebag.

What a sad existence.

Kaptn said...

Kris,

Whoa. I was off for a week and did some catching up when I got in today. A lot has happened, but I know you are going to succeed.

Can I help in some way? (Willing to bet you don't ask for help often, but sometimes you need to). All I want out of it is to be able to keep the good karma. Deal? ;)

Don't forget perspective here. Make the decision and shift your focus!

Kris said...

Craig - I was assuming that this anon person was just someone from back home who was happy that I'm coming back for a bit. There's a few different anonymous posters.

I could be wrong, though. It's been known to happen. ;)

And if I am... fight em! Rawr!

Kaptn - Always so nice to read your comments. I have made my decision, and I'm ok with it. Taking a brief leave of absence from Toronto will give me a chance to sort things out and get back on my feet. Then I'll come back to take over the whole damn city :)

Born with a big mouth! said...

awe honey, your last post almost made me cry for you. I know how you feel and just think of it this way... this move will just be a pitstop on the road to where you are REALLY suppose to be. new place maybe, new love, and much happier life. the BOTTOM of a valley means you are one step away from things going back up!!! It will get better!

Seabass said...

I can't tell anymore Kristen.

Mean people need to be eliminated.

Kris said...

Erin - Thanks, sweetie. That's the way I'm trying to look at it too!

Seabass The Jazz Ponce - I understand. It's cuz you're hungry for the verse. Like a peppermint nightmare.

Anonymous said...

You'll be fine, you are strong. I trust you will be back shortly.

Kris said...

Thanks. That certainly is the plan!

Mike D. said...

I definately did not expect this.It makes a lot of sense though. I'm proud of you Kris. Amazing things are coming.

ghost said...

good point, my friend.

Kris said...

Mike - Sweet thing to say.

ghost - ;)

shevyliz said...

My Darling Cuz... I had to move home for two months before coming to Van... my relationship ended with the guy I totally thought I would end up marrying (hell we bought a condo together) and I was moving to a new city where I didn't know many people... I know it's kind the opposite to you... but... it ended up ok. Toronto has done amazing things for you... and I know you'll be back because you have outgrown St. Kits and deserve all the amazing opportunities that Toronto has in store for you. Think of it this way... this time when you move to Toronto, you'll have a great job, some cash saved, the knowhow to survive, and a clean slate. What more could you ask for?
Besides... you have to go back... I need an excuse to visit Toronto! ;)
Big Hugs! xoxoxo

Harald Benz said...

Look at it from the bright side. Lots of really bad things happen to you in the last while. They wore you down and sucked the life right out of you.
It takes time to get out of a rat like that.
What you decided to do is actually the best thing you could do. Not because it seems to be the easiest one (far from it!!!) but because it gives you a chance to get out this negative mind set way faster than if you'd stay.
You're basically allowing yourself to get some much needed distance from everything that happened to you. That distance will help you to see things a lot easier for what they really are. They are not something that breaks you down but rather something that threw you a little out of balance, nothing more.

You only will come back stronger and with a positive attitude that will give you the strength to succeed.

Sorry for me rambling on and on here. Just thought you needed to hear this.
See you soon again (back in Toronto, that is).

Anonymous said...

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Kris said...

Shev - I didn't know all of that. I knew you lived with someone and broke up, but... yeah... apparently we don't talk enough, my dear :)

Thanks for the message, and don't worry.. I will be coming back to Toronto, and I'll expect a visit! xoxo

Harald - Thank you. You get it completely.

Anon - Damn bots!!!!

Voice of Reason said...

That smile right there is going to open so many doors for you.

Kris said...

I'm an expert at the fake smile.

But really... thanks, that was nice to say.

Masuka said...

sometimes these things happen.. I could throw in an awesome cliche about "things happening for a reason" but that would be cliche.

However, having fallen on my ass several times in my life, I can tell you that each time I have had to step back, The best things end up happening to me after... I'll see you Friday.

Kris said...

:)

Thanks, Masuka. I'm excited to see ya!

Kaptn said...

I'm glad to hear you have this figured out. Hitting the bumps on the path is better than not knowing which path.

Ramble on...but with purpose! ;)

Kris said...

And ramble on I shall! Thanks!

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