Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Massive Attack

Every single morning, without fail, I wake up to a serious anxiety attack.

Every damn morning.

And with each attack comes a sudden yearning to run back to St. Catharines where it's easy and comfortable.

In those first few minutes of wakefulness, it seems like the best idea. To go backwards. To start over. To engulf myself in old habits and routines, with people I know I could depend on.

It drives me nuts. I almost convince myself. Every morning.

Luckily, by afternoon I switch outlooks and psyche myself up for the challenges of an entirely new life. Because literally every single aspect of my life has recently changed, is in the middle of changing, or will be changing shortly.

Bring it on.

Oh, and mornings? You and I have some shit to settle.

These anxiety attacks are getting in the way of my sleep.

This chick needs her sleep.


Last week was Canadian Music Week. 

Because I work in radio, I attended some seminars, an awards lunch, and a Trailblazer Breakfast for women in broadcasting (celebrating Denise Donlon, who I now want to be.)

But I somehow failed to go to all the live shows I meant to.

Two of my girlies came up for the night on Saturday, and it took all the energy we had to get off our asses and head to the Horseshoe to see some bands.

We lasted an hour.


And lastly.... as today is March 17th, and I AM Irish:

Happy St. Patrick's Day, folks!

Wish I was doing the day up proper with my hometown favourites, but alas... I am not.

So enjoy your shamrocks and shenanigans everyone.

I'll be at home, playing with my shillelagh.

Drink a few for me


Mike D. said...

If you still have those bad anxiety attacks you should get medication. dont you think?

Anonymous said...

oh god, the cure for everything, don't address the underlying issues, don't make the changes you need to be happy or wait it out till you get used to (anxiety is normal for someone making as many life changes as you)

Just Medicate!

Kris said...

I medicate with cookies. It doesn't work so well.

Anon, ya can't leave a post like that without your name.

Kris said...

I medicate with cookies. It doesn't work so well.

Anon, ya can't leave a post like that without your name.

Jimmy Smits said...

Your anziety will go away as you continue to press forward.

It is insignificant, in fact, it is positive, use it to explore the darker side of your psyche. figure out how and why you tick as you do.

k said...

Wouldn't it be nice if things were so simple Mike/Anon. If we knew each others complete situations and could make seemingly omniscient suggestions albeit brainless? Here's mine.(Since offering moronic garbage is on the plate for today). Start drinking whatever the highest proof alcohol you can purchase at the best cost effective ratio as soon as you wake up every day. A few yeays will go bye..hopefully not too many all the invariable puking will get tedious. Or become a pothead! That's actually probably a far less painful future.Anon..none of us know any of each other's day to day's travails regardless of what's portrayed online. I don't need meds myself but I know folks who would be highly detrimental to society without them. Ever met an unmedicated schizophrenic? Don't make simplistic judgements based on limited information.
ps I sympathize with the morning anxiety attacks. I've been having nightmares I can't seem to shake. When you're in that semi-wakeful stage, the shock can be a serious bitch.

Kris said...

Jimmy - Yeah. I'm doing my best. Sometimes I just wanna punch it in the face, and sometimes I embrace it. Without the attacks, things would be good.

K - Serious bitch is right. Sorry that you're having those nightmares, I hope they go away soon. We've gotta fight em! Arrrrgh.

Leah said...

You know I miss you today most of all. On the upside, I got the weekend off. Sooooo...I will see you on Friday night :)

I'm not frunk...I'm just buzzin.

Kris said...

I miss you too, my Irish girly. Er.. fellow Irish girly... Give grandma a big kiss for me, ok?

I'm so excited to see you this weekend!!!!

Anonymous said...

It seems to me the solution to morning panic attacks is to sleep until the afternoon. That's what I do.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Since you are in radio, was shamrocks and shenanigans a House of Pain reference?

Jordan said...

Oh how I have been there. In early 2005 my marriage collapsed and my return to university ended after 2 years with York dissolving the experimental fine arts program I was in. My first instinct was to retreat back home to start over in Winnipeg where my family and old friends were but I stuck it out in Toronto (through a year of sleepless nights) and came out the other side with new projects, new faith and, eventually, new love. The ship DOES right itself so hold fast!

Keir said...

So, she works in radio...hmmm...I wonder if she'd want to hear some music from some dude's band in California. Like in ye olde CD format. As if no one ever sends CDs to radio people anymore, ho ho.

There are no anxiety attacks on these CDs, last time I checked, but that may have changed recently. Still, sharing is caring, right?

Do we have a taker?

Kris said...

screetus - I've tried that, but I just can't do it!

Doc - Sure was a House of Pain reference! But we don't play the song on our station. I just like it.

Jordan - I know it can be done and everything works out in the end & all that, but man... it's good to hear from people who prove it. Gracias!

Keir - Oh, but we DO accept Cd format. I think.

Anonymous said...

Are you blonde or brunette?

Kris said...

Used to blonde. Am now brunette.

Kris said...

Oh, and K?

You gave me your bad dreams! Boooo.


ghost said...

i love massive attack.

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