I feel quite tired.
Tired of searching for a way back to what I consider "home".
Tired of wanting to re-create and re-do things that no longer have anything to do with me.
Tired of the the anxiety.
And just tired of being alone.
I've been on a mission to turn my co-dependance into independence.
Turn my sad thoughts into positive action.
Concentrate on me and making it all happen.
For the most part, I've done quite well. But with the ups come the downs, and it's a never-ending struggle to not succumb to the low days.
I want what I want. And I'll get most of it, eventually. But what I miss out on will keep these melancholy days calling time and time again. They're so familiar that I forget how to feel normal until I have a slight taste of it. And that small dose of "happy" can make the downward spiral so much worse.
I crave balance. I crave love, and I crave stability. And a peace that means I've come to terms with the things I will never have.
How did this post come from spending time out in this gorgeous weather?
It's because I've spent much more time in my often letdown head.
I'll shake this off. Head up, shoulders back, soldier on...
Oh, Jeff. Sad that both of us are known to strangers as people who are perpetually down.
It's too late for you, but I hope to change it for me.