Friday, May 28, 2010

Squatter's Rights


It amazes me how little some people know about dogs.

On more than one occasion in the past couple of weeks, I've experienced situations similar to the following while walking Daisy:

Daisy pees.

Random stranger watches, but pretends not to.

I start walking away.

Stranger - "Excuse me, you didn't pick up after your dog."

Me - "Pardon? I haven't needed to yet."

Stranger - "He just went to the washroom there, you didn't pick it up."

Me - "Oh no, she was just peeing."

Stranger - "He didn't lift his leg, he squatted."

Me - "Yes, SHE is female. Females squat when they pee."

Stranger shakes head and walks away, as if I was lying and/or crazy.

Other times, passersby just give me cut-eye as if to say "I just saw your dog squat, and you left it there. You are a bad human being but I am far too chicken-shit to speak of it, so here is my evil eye. Yarrr."

Honestly.

Anyone who comes in contact with me during a dog walk can see the 5 vanilla-scented doggy bags sticking out of my pockets. I always pick up after my dog, even when it's hardly worth it.

But for uninformed and judgy folk - if you'd like to tell me how I'm supposed to pick up after my dog when she pees, please... enlighten me. You are surely wise in the ways of the canine.

Otherwise I might tack a sign on my girl that says:

"I'm Daisy. I'm a female. I have ten nipples and a vagina. I squat when I pee. If I shit? Trust me ...You'll know it. Have a nice day."




16 comments:

ghetto.punk.chic said...

I like the sign idea, but I fear it may fall off when she plays soccer.

Anonymous said...

I knew a dog who pooped like a male dog would pee and pee like a male dog would poop.

Just say like women, female dogs pee sitting down. Though just like some women they can pee standing up on occasion.

Kris said...

Hahaha... I need to make a video of that and post 'er.

Kris said...

Anon - Daisy HAS peed by lifting her leg a few times... but she was in heat at the time and channeling her manly, dominant ways.

Princess Pessimism said...

Im a big fan of bringing a garden spade...the mushy poop in the bag feeling is FAR too much and makes me gag. (even though ive never experienced it...the THOUGHT of it is revolting)

Kris said...

Yeah, you get used to it. If only I could train Daisy to pick up her own crap... :)

Mike D. said...

People are dumb.

Krista said...

People who have never had a pet before don't know shit about dog shit!

PatZ said...

start carrying some Absorb-All and a scoop.

Kris said...

Mike - Or they just don't know...

Krista - it's true. Before I had dogs, I know NOTHING about em.

PatZ - Ooh, what's Absorb All?

PatZ said...

it's like the pink saw dust the janitors in schools use to clean up puke. except usually it's used for oil spills. but i'm fairly confident (read: not at all) that it will do the same for dog pee. but probably not.

Kris said...

Heh. I'd try it... but I don't wanna carry it around with me. :p

ghost said...

i dont know why but "i have ten nipples and a vagina," had me laughing.

Kris said...

Heehee. C'mon, doesn't everyone want ten nipples and a vagina?

liz said...

For some reason, I still get irritated every time someone refers to Maggie as a "he"--you'd think the PINK COLLAR would be a hint, but merp, people who don't have dogs really don't know shit about dogs.

Kris said...

Yep. Some people call Daisy a boy even after I say "HER name is DAISY."

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