Sunday, May 30, 2010
You Keep Your Distance With A System Of Touch
I don't tend to be a fan of romantic comedies.
They bring out the bitter side of me.
But I notice that the majority of leading men in them
are hot, womanizing, charming-to-the-point-of-creepy dudes
who hurt every chick in their path,
especially the one that deep down they have always been truly in love with.
Of course they all have happy endings.
The pretty jerk realizes that his life has been a sham.
He somehow suddenly develops a heart, a soul and a conscience,
and heroically wins back the woman he always loved.
Now, about her...
The chick lead. She got her heart stomped by Mr. Charming. So she tries to move on.
She dates wonderful men who fall for her. She has the job of her dreams. Great friends.
But she's never quite happy.
That's why these things end like they do.
And they live happily ever after.
('Til the sequel they never make, in which he cheats on her with a foreign maid and she stabs him in the heart with a letter opener.)
For the past little while
some parts of my life have felt like the middle of a romantic comedy.
Awkwardness, confusion, hope, letdowns and more hope.
But screw it.
I'm taking over this thing, and turning it into something more Tarantino.
With a little bit of Burton.
And a killer action sequence.
But if Matthew McConaughey, Mr. Romantic Comedy himself, knocks on my door?
Yeah. I just might give him a part in my life movie.
Turn it into a horror.