Sunday, May 30, 2010

You Keep Your Distance With A System Of Touch


I don't tend to be a fan of romantic comedies.
They bring out the bitter side of me.

But I notice that the majority of leading men in them
are hot, womanizing, charming-to-the-point-of-creepy dudes
who hurt every chick in their path,
especially the one that deep down they have always been truly in love with.

Ugh.

Of course they all have happy endings.
The pretty jerk realizes that his life has been a sham.
He somehow suddenly develops a heart, a soul and a conscience,
and heroically wins back the woman he always loved.

Now, about her...
The chick lead. She got her heart stomped by Mr. Charming. So she tries to move on.
She dates wonderful men who fall for her. She has the job of her dreams. Great friends.
But she's never quite happy.

That's why these things end like they do.
And they live happily ever after.
('Til the sequel they never make, in which he cheats on her with a foreign maid and she stabs him in the heart with a letter opener.)

Romantic.

For the past little while
some parts of my life have felt like the middle of a romantic comedy.
Awkwardness, confusion, hope, letdowns and more hope.
But screw it.

I'm taking over this thing, and turning it into something more Tarantino.
With a little bit of Burton.
And a killer action sequence.

But if Matthew McConaughey, Mr. Romantic Comedy himself, knocks on my door?

Yeah. I just might give him a part in my life movie.
Turn it into a horror.



30 comments:

Doc said...

McConaughey, but only if he plays "Wooderson" again. ;)

Better question is, who plays you?

Hope all is well Kristen.

Kris said...

Doc! I just recently posted that I missed ya! How have you been?

Yeah, if he was Wooderson? I'd keep him. And I think i'll play myself... no one else could handle it ;)

Anonymous said...

"With one foot in the past now just how long will it last" You forgot the part where he dumps the snotty girl he's seeing and rushes off to the airport just in time to tell you his true feelings!!!! that's in all the romantic dramadies!!!

Doc said...

Doing well Kristen. Just got back from a nice little trip in Boston & Maine. Back to work for another month before my wife and I head over to visit family in England this summer. Even going to pop over to Paris to check it out for a couple days too. Lots to do in only 2 weeks, but its better than a kick in the nards. ;)

Pass along my best to Craig too. Cheers.

Kris said...

Anon - Ha! True! y'know... these movies would be much more realistic if the chick made him get tested for stds before getting back with him. I mean, really. ;)

Doc - Jeepers, look at you! Mr. World Traveller! I'm very jealous. I will definitely pass that msg along to C. Take care!

Anonymous said...

If he was really the love of your life he'd show up with a recent blood work results and a letter of good health declaring STD free. and how much after being with other women he appreciates you even more. at least in my books that how getting back together works.

Kris said...

Haha... write a movie!

PatZ said...

good god, the high maintenance people tied you down and made you watch the new sex and the city didn't they?
you need some car chases and explosions stat!

Anonymous said...

You know that quote by Robert Bach... "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.” ? Yea like that except.. "If you love someone set them free. if they come back; get them tested for venereal diseases."

Kris said...

PatZ - Nope! No one will ever force me to see that... I DID watch a different romantic comedy tho.. but i fell asleep at the end.

Anon - Perfect. I feel like I should tattoo that on my ass.

Mike D. said...

A beautiful smiling Kris picture made my morning lots better.

Kris said...

Well thanks! But it's afternoon ;)

Anonymous said...

So does this mean if a guy dances naked drunk with bongo's you might consider him? or is that limited to past guys who've messed up with you? ;)

ghost said...

i like the ones that go, lovable hard working Guy has his life ripped away and his heart crushed because She wants to go party and run away from her responsibilities and choices better. oh wait. never mind. that one sucks ass.

Kris said...

Anon - Oh man, I dont even know which movie that is! i'm open to anything (And you gotta at LEAST make up a fake name as post comments with it, cuz you comment a lot and I'd like to tell you apart from those other "anons")

ghost - But y'know... using my psychic powers... I know THAT ones eventually ends up happy. The loveable hard-working guy will get the awesomeness he so deserves. :)

Anonymous said...

it's not from a movie. it's when he was arrested a couple years ago for the naked drunken bongo playin'. once my browser is fixed ill get a name. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_McConaughey#Personal_life

Princess Pessimism said...

DONT FORGET that the girl ALSO has a GIGANTIC dreamy apartment in say (NYC) that would never be affordable on a regular persons salary....

You know, for the past couple of years, I always wondered what would happen if someone wrote that sequel, and have thought about it a number of times...maybe that should be our project. LOL - i know some people in "the biz"...lets make it happen.

Kris said...

I know some biz people too, so we definitely should! Then we'll be rich, and the asshole/slut/millionaires from our past will suddenly become nice and we will live happily ever after.

Nah, let's just get rich and leave it at that ;)

Anonymous said...

Sorry. Couldn't pay attention past the picture.

Kris said...

Aw, that's too bad... now you'll never know of my disdain for romantic comedies.

Princess Pessimism said...

Im not a fan of the chick flick....so any movie where the happy ending ends up miserable makes my day. and if you wont write, then i will. I know how to string a sentence together! LOL

Anonymous said...

Dude, you are stunning!

The Other Kris. :)

Kris said...

Uh-oh... who is the other Kris? I'm having a memory lapse, maybe?

But thank you, Other Kris! :)

Phronk said...

Romantic comedies have taught me that if I ever want to find love, I have to start treating women like shit, but fake just enough potential that I might change into a non-douche.

Because being a decent person all along is boring.

Then again, I probably wouldn't want any leading lady from a rom-com. I'd much rather a Tim Burton sort of leading lady. Probably Helena Bonham Carter.

But not in Planet of the Apes.

Kris said...

How bout in Alice in Wonderland?

Ooh! Maybe fight Club! You could be Tyler Durden.

Friend said...

You may hate those types of films, but looking like that you should probably be in one. That is a Happily Ever After smile.

Maybe stay away from naked bongo players to be safe.

Kris said...

But I love bongos! I once drunkenly got on stage with my uncle's band to sing and play bongos. Couldn't have been pretty.

spiritsentient said...

Inspiring post, and it got me thinking about our society.

People *want* to watch things that fit with their worldview.

In our society a good chunk of people believe they can't have what they want without...

-sacrifice
-confusion
-suffering
-drama
-back-peddling

How many people do you know who's world-view goes like this:

"I can have everything I want: an intense, fulfilling, passionate, ever-growing and deepening relationship and/or career in an EASY, simple, straightforward manner."


Like...
nobody. ('cept maybe ME ;) )

And so, we get chick-flicks celebrating drama and awkwardness and guy-movies celebrating violence + gore or whatever, which is cool, I mean-- I love movies, I'm just sayin'.

Movies reflect our culture, and if a person thinks like our culture thinks and does what our culture does, are they helping things or, well...

draw your own conclusions.

Kris said...

I like that you said:


"I can have everything I want: an intense, fulfilling, passionate, ever-growing and deepening relationship and/or career in an EASY, simple, straightforward manner."

I tend to complicate things, but I'm gonna tell myself that THIS is possible.

Phronk said...

Fight Club is my favourite romantic comedy!

Yeah I'm pretty much Brad Pitt already, so that'll do.

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