Sunday, June 27, 2010

G-Force Is Twisting The Fate With Superstition

Dear Mystery Toronto Writing Job,

It's me. Again.

Look, I know you've been avoiding me. You rarely answer my calls, emails, job applications - You must think I should get the hint.

But I just can't help myself. I want you. I CRAVE you.

You. The wonderful creative job in the city. The job that allows me to do what I'm good at; that challenges me, but gives me the creative license that I've never truly known.

The job that will put a smile on my face and give me the ability to move back. To start a new kickass life of independence and happiness. You are my first step.


I realize we've never met, but I already know you're wonderful.

And I simply must have you.

So please. Stop being so coy. Playing hard-to-get is juvenile and beneath you.

We're meant to be. I know it. You know it.

I never give up something I care deeply for; I will always fight for it.

And I always get what I want... eventually.

So just let it happen, Toronto Job. Cuz really... you need me, too.

All my love (well, as much as you can really love a job),


p.s. - Can we also be friends with benefits? I need benefits. Dentists cost a bitchload of money. Thanks.


Greg Ryan said...

Who are you trying to get a job with? Or maybe I should say, what is your ideal writing job? :)

-- Greg S.

k said...

You write well.You'll get there. When you do , I expect guest list..and comps. lots of comps. And none of that cheap-ass cart vodka.. what are yout thoughts on tequila...

Anonymous said...

You know I think I may have run into your Mystery Toronto Writing Job this weekend -- he was super drunk at some bar and also had lost his cell phone so couldn't be reached.

But he did say, keep doing what you're doing 'cause you're amazing and awesome and sooner or later you will find success.

He also said if you happened to post a photo or two of yourself in your underwear here on your blog, well that certainly wouldn't hurt your chances.

Okay I made that last part up.

Anonymous said...

your tanlines are making me think bad things.

THAT Guy said...

Screetus, great advice, but you are being a bit creepy. If you like the girl, just ask her out for a soda.

Kris said...

Greg - At this point? I'll take just about anything. But I would love something media-related.

k - Me & tequila are sometimes great friends. This'll be fun.

screetus - Yeah, Toronto Writing Jobs always have a thing for underwear pictures. I think that's why we didn't work out before.

Anon - Are they making you think of sunscreen? Or skin cancer?'s skin cancer, isn't it?

That Guy - We've gone out for a soda. But it was beer. He's my friend 'n junk.

Mike D. said...

Still no luck?

Kris said...

Not much.

Sixty-Four Dollar Question said...

So who exactly should I be hunting down and sending my mobster friends after? Clearly, I once dated a mobster for this purpose only.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kris,

You are too good for me. I hide because I am scared that you will one day leave me for a better job.

But if you really want me, we'll be together soon. Very happily.


Mystery Toronto Writing Job

Kris said...

64 Dollar Q - Heh. I'll have to send ya a list, chick. With pleasure. And yeah, that IS a great reason to date a mobster.

Anon - Alright then. That's settled. I'm ready for you, baby!

Anonymous said...

Find a job where you write but are also in front of the camera. You could realistically do so well. Smart Kris does great writing while Hot Kris gets the glory.

Kris said...

I'm thinking that'd be harder to find than a regular writing job.

Perhaps I'll go work at McDonalds. Will I get free Big Macs?

sweetly said...

If you're looking for a writing job, Kris, you're best bet is to identify websites and blogs that actually earn revenue and write for them as a freelancer (if not full-time). An excellent example would be Mashable.

Mashable has a bunch of writers (employed, yes) all around the globe writing about social media and other related topics. Some work full-time, some part-time, but they are getting paid.

It will be easier for you to find employment as a writer this way than trying to find your dream writing job in your local hometown or even Toronto, for that matter.

THAT Guy said...

You do NOT use the term "n' junk"?! I use that all the time n' stuff.

I think I love you.

Kris said...

sweetly - Thanks. I looked there, but I may be SOL.

That Guy - I always say that. Y'know... stuff 'n junk. Things 'n crap. People 'n shit. Can't help it.

Love me, do ya? Well then. Let's get married!

THAT Guy said...

Deal. Can I be a stay at home husband? I make great sandwiches, and I can fold laundry like a mofo.

Kris said...

I love sandwiches. This is doable, just lemme find a job first!

THAT Guy said...

On second thought, I'll bring home the bacon and you can stay home and make BLTs with said bacon.

Kris said...

BLTs ARE my favourite.

THAT Guy said...


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I've been meaning to ask... Is this the answer to my question???

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