I rarely ever post two days in a row.
But sometimes ya gotta switch it up a bit, right? I think I need to switch up quite a few things. And so I will.
My past few days were hell. Absolute hell. And I allowed things to break me, and affect my health and well-being. I cannot let that happen again; I won't. Nothing and no one gets the best of me without consequences.
Am I better? Am I over it? Happy? No. Hell no. But I have to start somewhere.
Today is a new day.
Yet again, the emails, comments and messages you guys left me were all so very helpful. I don't know how to thank you. You make me feel ok about posting these things, whether personal or otherwise.
I got a Facebook message from a girl I've never met, and it's another example of why it's ok to talk about these things in a public forum:
"this might sound silly, but ive actually read some of ur blogs and i just want to say that you are amazing. I feel EXACTLY the way you do, and i dont even know you. I myself suffer from depression so your blogs are an inspiration and make me feel like im not the only one who feels that way. You're beautiful smart and a damn good writer so dont ever let someone take that away from you EVER. I know this is random because u dont even know me, but ur blogs are just that good.
This message is exactly why I write about these things. Other than being an outlet for myself, it's sometimes reassuring to know that you're not alone.
And so, although I still feel completely broken and horrible, I have to pick myself up. Get back to the things I love. Music. Friends. Writing. Moving forward with my plans. Surrounding myself with real people and getting rid of the poison. Staying away from the things that only wish me harm and pain.
Kick it all in the ass like it kicked me to the chest, so to speak.
Here's a live version of a song that I'm finding fairly appropriate right now:
I haven't found my sun.
But I won't stop looking til I find it.
(Oh, and p.s.? Carbon copies of me are NOT acceptable. I'm the only me. Take note, and be your damn self.)