Tuesday, July 27, 2010

You Want Everything To Be Just Like, The Stories That You Read But Never Write

A conversation I had the other day furthered the fact that it's the not-so-good guys that give ACTUAL good guys a bad name.

Thinking about this reminded me of someone; someone I don't know very well at all. We met under weird circumstances on what was sadly a pretty nasty night for me.


Does everyone remember the final hockey game at this past Olympics? Of course you do. Well, I do too.

The game was awesome. The city of Toronto absolutely came alive for it. You could practically taste the excitement.

But after the game? For me, shit went downhill. Since specific details are not necessarily needed for the point of this story, I'm gonna keep them out. In some ways it was one of the worst nights I've had. Ever.

Let's just say people were drunk, purposefully nasty things were said, worse things were done, and this here blogger stood in the street bawling her eyes out. I had never felt so hurt and shocked by words - I ran away from the person I was with and stalked up the road with them shouting after me. I went past my apartment building. Instead of going home, I went to a pub.

Ignoring calls and messages, I sat at the bar. For the first time in my entire life, I had a pint by myself. I tried to calm myself down while watching the Closing Ceremonies. A guy came and sat in the empty seat beside me; there were a few others there and we all sat in silence, watching the TVs.

Eventually he started talking. Asked if I had watched the game. I had. Asked if i liked it. I did.

As we continued to talk, we learned that we had a lot in common. Liked the same music, among other things. Talked about relationships; how mine had just ended and why it was sad and complicated. He lived with his girlfriend, but could relate because he was breaking up with her the next day, apparently.

He said "I have to see you again. I have to."

I said I wasn't so sure.

He more or less begged. Said I was exactly what he wanted in a girl, everything he wished his soon-to-be-ex could be. He may or may not have had a few choice words about my ex letting a "girl like me" go.

Red flag, right?

We exchanged numbers, although I was very reluctant. Then we went outside and had a cigarette and I said I had to leave. I was uncomfortable, and still reeling from the evening I had.

As I started to leave, he pulled me in for a hug. When I pulled away, he quickly kissed me.

I said, "Look. You have a girlfriend. I'm going home to an ex-boyfriend that I still live with. This can't happen. It isn't fair to them, and it's not what I'm looking for."

I left.



When I got home, only the dogs were there to greet me. I tried to sleep so I could avoid dissecting the entire messed up night.

The texts started. The guy from the bar started sending messages telling me that I was beautiful, that he wanted to see me the next day, that I was amazing, that I was his perfect woman, etc. Imagining his girlfriend obliviously lying alone in bed like I was, while he was up the street sending me these messages... I erased him from my phone. I refused to be a part of that.

Eventually he got the hint.

As far as I know, he never did break up with her. She never knew he wanted to. I honestly feel for this girl that I'll never meet.

He, and others, are just part of that list of guys who give the real, honest and wonderful men, a very bad name.

So men... when we lack trust, or seem a bit unsure? Forgive us. We've had to deal with guys like this for way too long.

Aaaaand scene.

45 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's called being a 'parachute'. Using someone as an escape route when things get ugly - sometimes to get back at someone. I've never done this but I've been used as one unwittingly, on a couple occasions. It's not pretty. It's not fun. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that guy. People who are used as parachutes usually have very little idea that they are being used as such until afterwards.

Kris said...

Yeah, I've known many "parachutes". I've also known some guys/girls who pretend to be single so they have an easier time cheating. It's all bad.

As far as BEING a parachute, I've only really been one once. I guess being a serial monogamist has saved me from falling for these tricks. But some girls are so easily fooled...

BShurette said...

Interesting.

Unfortunately, women do the same things. I'm still working on understanding how to filter the bad from good. What works for you?

Kris said...

Well hey, Brian!

I didn't say that women DON'T do the same things - but as a chick, this is my own story. I know lots of girls that do that. It's shitty either way.

What works for me?

No idea. I'm usually a good judge of character and can read people pretty well. But I also never trust people right off the bat. That's not good either, I don't think.

BShurette said...

I am having the same difficult time.

I do appreciate your perspective.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's necessarily being a good judge of character. People can look right at you and flat out lie about their situation. Girls and guys a like. If you've been lied to, then you know what it's like to feel like garbage. Parachutes often did nothing to deserve being treated like a that. Just saying.

cake?

Kris said...

B - Some chick is trying to use you? Or you're not sure? Walk away if it doesn't seem right.

Anon - Well, yes. Anyone looking for a parachute usually DOES lie.

I will say, though... I know some girls who go out looking to be parachutes. It makes them somehow feel superior over the girl at the other end of it.

But no. Most parachutes don't deserve it. They just think they met someone nice, who likes them. :(

Kris said...

And yes. Cake. Cake for all! ...except the assholes.

BShurette said...

I walked on her last week.

I'm going to need some cake.

Anonymous said...

But don't you think that parachutes are not only the escape route, but also someone to blame? "Well she wanted me, what was I supposed to do?" or "You were seeing her, it's her fault we can't be togehter" or some crap like that. I don't know, but parachutes can also be used as scapegoats, in my opinion.

I don't understand the one upping you're referring to. Unless the parachute (haha ok this is getting funny) wants to get back at the girl for some reason, then why would she? Applies to guys too. But if the P was lied to, she likely doesn't know jackshit about the other girl or was told lies, of course for a reason.

All these parachutes and scapegoats have me hungry for more cake.

Anonymous said...

P.s. I also think girls are more likely to be parachuters than us guys, because girls like to help, take in strays all that stuff. Most guys don't have the broken wing syndrome.

Kris said...

Brian - We've got cake for ya, buddy. There's some for everyone.

Anon - K, I need to re-read that comment a couple of times...

Parachutes can definitely be scapegoats. Yes.

As for one upping... I guess they aren't parachutes. More like girls who seek guys in relationships. If they can get the guy interested in them, they feel superior the the oblivious girlfriend. You dig?

Girl are definitely parachutes more often than dudes. We like thinking that someone is truly interested in us...

But to be honest? The situation that this blog post was about? I don't know if it was a 'parachute' one so much as a guy with a nasty wandering eye and a penchant for cheating, perhaps.

Anonymous said...

Not to say that you aren't everything that the dude said you were, and not to say that what he said wasn't genuine or sincere. Many men, can NOT and WILL NOT be alone. They just can't go long either in a relationship or without gettin' some - at whatever expense.

I don't know girls who go after guys like you are saying. That's awful. But it's awful of the guy to fall back to that stuff.

andrew said...

Are you telling me that I shouldn't be getting all of my ideas on how to date women, from The Jersey Shore boys?

Couldn't help myself.

The fact that guys and girls alike, like the one mentioned above exist is a real shame, though I suppose without them, the "good" ones wouldn't seem as special.

Kris said...

Anon - Men are bad. Women are bad. Everybody sucks! Let's eat cake! ;)

Andrew - True enough. We need the bad ones to appreciate the good ones. I dunno if The Situation would agree, but uh... I kinda wanna stab him with a pencil. So I'm biased.

andrew said...

There's cake?

Better take out the whole cast while you're at it, the world would be a better place.

Kris said...

I've never watched it, yet I know em all and hate em all. So yes. Let's DO this.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJY-Gqzb9Vs&feature=player_embedded

Kris said...

Funny. I know that song from awhile ago... Now? Speaks a little TOO true for me. Holy crap. Nuthin' to do with this post, though.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like someone fucked you up that night. and then someone else tried to too.

Perhaps it's to do with your secrety secrets you mentioned? oh la la.

Kris said...

Nope.

andrew said...

I'm game.

Mike D. said...

Maybe you just cast your spell on men and they can't help themselves. Or maybe you're attracting all the dbags so that a good guy will come when you least expect one. Or maybe I know nothing.

Krista said...

Nothing worse than confronting someone who wants to have their cake and eat it too. Jerkface. You handled this nicely.

Kris said...

Mike - Or maybe I should join a nunnery. Make good behaviour a habit. Get it? Habit! Oh dear.

Krista - Thanks! Although, y'know... When I have cake, I also like to eat it. Why have a cake if it's gonna go uneaten? The saying should really be "Have your cake, eat it, then steal someone else's cuz you already ate your own damn cake."

I must copyright that. ;)

Friend said...

You can't help who is attracted to you, right? These things will always happen. Sometimes you will be fooled by them; your relationships didn't go the way you wanted, right?

On another note, is Patrick married? I see a ring!

Kris said...

Nope, not married. But very happily engaged!

Friend said...

Ahh well congratulations on his engagement!

Kris said...

:)

He has been for awhile, but this pic is kinda old anyway.

screetus said...

I have to say that guys sounds like a loser and a douchebag. I have no respect for his actions.

Anonymous #12345 said...

This post.... makes me angry.

Kris said...

screetus - You pretty much summed it up right there.

Anony-numbers - How come?

Anonymous #12345 said...

Why? Because I know the entire story including parts you are leaving out. You shouldn't protect that pieces of shit that made you feel like that. Without them you never would have been in the situation in the first place. Expose them!

Kris said...

No. It's unrelated to the point of this story.

And if you're someone so close to me that knows intimate details of something I've shared with almost NO ONE, then I highly doubt you'd be anonymously posting here. No friend of mine would do that. So I assume you're on the other side of it, and I'd appreciate if you stopped reading completely. Games are useless.

Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Kris, If you didn't already: go to statcounter.com, copy the invisible code to your blog. Then click on view recent visitors. The IP addresses won't tell you everything but it'll give you a pretty damn good idea of who the anonymous posters are. And I'm posting this as "Anonymous" out of sheer irony :)

Kris said...

I have a stat thingy on here; always have. I've checked the IPs, and I've been sorta tracking a few anonymous folks. Some are strangers, others I'm very well aware of.

But thanks, Irony-mous! Heh!

Big Brother's watching, guys ;)

Born with a big mouth! said...

AMEN shout this shit from a mountain top .... along with posting that dudes face on a billboard. what a freaking jerk!!!!!!!!

I attract the same kind of guy. Great eh???

Kris said...

I'm not surprised, hun! We are twins from different countries, after all ;)

Friend said...

I'm shaking my head at your story. Because of the asshole you had to deal with, and the assholes that Anonymous above mentioned. I'd like to slap sense into "some" specific people.

Kris said...

I shall purchase you a slap-chop.

Anonymous said...

wow.

Superjudge/ The Ex. said...

I'm shaking my head at people who think they know more than they do about everything just because they have become entranced by the author. (understandably so, she is quite intoxicating and wonderful.... big ups Cuda)

I wonder if I am on your "sense slapping" list.

If so, it would be a very welcome and refreshing change if for once, one of you people would explain why.

Thanks.

Kris said...

Intoxicating and wonderful? Well, didn't you just get on my good list!

As far as I can tell, "Friend" knows us both... and is, perhaps, a friend. Sense slapping could be fun, ya never know.

As far as people knowing more than they think they do, that isn't my fault. Sorry, but it isn't. Don't forget that a lot of people know us in the ol' real life. Or knew us in a past life. What everyone else assumes or makes up is their thing. Nobody can control that, certainly not me.

C'est la frickin' vie, my darlin'. Let's dance.

Agent Gagnilli said...

Perhaps.

But then, most people who knew/ know us still have no clue really.

I'm all for people caring......it's being human that separates us from...er.... not being human.

Kris said...

Depends what you're talking about.

People didn't know everything, no damn way - but some knew about certain situations. I doubt "Friend" knows exact details of this particular night, since only maybe 2 people know exactly what shit went down. And no one knows better than me.

As for being human? The humans are dead. We used poisonous gases. And we poisoned their asses.

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