Saturday, August 14, 2010

Cuz If I'm The Man That You Love The Most, You Could Say "I Do" At Least


We're startin' off this Saturday with a few links:

- The fabulous & talented Shaun Proulx said some nice words about yours truly in a recent blog post - check it out here. Read daily and learn more about Laws of Attraction and how to make things happen in your life. He's proof positive that it works. (He's also Patrick's fiance. Hottest couple ever.)

- Love it or hate it, Twitter is a great way to market. Follow me if you give a crap about what albums I'm listening to throughout the day, and random non-sensical thoughts that pop up in my head. I'm still not sold, but I'm trying learn because great media & job contacts come from it.

- Lastly, I've had more than one person tell me I've been neglecting my Formspring thang. Je m'excuse, really. There's a few unanswered questions there that I promise to get to - but you can add more if you so choose.

Onward...

Lately I've been finding myself in random debates about marriage. Debates in person, on online forums, etc, etc... I often have to defend myself for still hoping to one day get married. More and more, people are giving up on the notion of marriage because it doesn't have the same meaning it used to. Times, they sure have changed.

That's all fine 'n dandy, but I still look forward to it. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

Everyone has their own reasons for taking the plunge or deciding against it. Mine are pretty simple. I want a partner, and someone to love completely. I see marriage as a symbol of the bond, and the wedding itself as a celebration. (Y'know... "Yay! Two people actually found each other in this cess pool of dating! Let's drink and eat cake til we puke! Yay!").

I don't care about the ring. I don't need a huge wedding. I don't ever wish to become a Bridezilla (hell, I even loathe the term). For me, it's about the union itself. Being a wife. Having a husband. It won't be so unlike living common law, which I've done, but the symbolism of true partnership is there.

I dig that. Sue me! (And just cuz I romanticize everything in a girly way, doesn't mean I'll ever end up with "that" guy. Your Shambled Rambler could end up in Spinster City with ten cats and a Y&R addiction.)

So. Those are my thoughts. How 'bout you?

What do you think about marriage?

Let's fight!


52 comments:

ghost said...

well i've got lots of experience with it. the trick is to find someone who takes the oaths as serious as you do. because if you're not in it for the long haul, it's not gonna work.

despite my well documented misadventures in this arena i haven't given up hope on it. i've still got hope i'll marry the right woman and spend the rest of my time here on the great green ball of wonder growing old with her.

Erin Nash said...

I'm very traditional and have always wanted to be married, and I love being married. Like you said, it's not that much different from living commonlaw (which we've done), but it's about that deep commitment to each other, and picturing yourself with that person when your old and gray. I didn't want a big wedding, that's why when Adam and I tied the knot we had a small (20 people) ceremony, it was really nice, I just wanted to be married, I didn't care about the wedding. I love that I married my best friend, and I love being a wife and mother, it's a more traditional simple life, and I couldn't be happier. :)

Kris said...

ghost - I'm glad you haven't given up hope. That's a great thing - and hard to do after the year you've had. Props to, my friend. And wherever she is, you'll find her. (Or I can send her to you via FedEx)

Erin - It's funny, when I think of people who have great relationships and are prime examples of marriage, I definitely think of you guys. And you can tell that you're happy. You've got a beautiful family, girl! :)

Bride of Phlegmenstein. said...

This again? :p

I still don't understand what the difference is. I guess it matters to some. To me, if you're committed, you're committed. (I should probably be committed.) Papers or an "I do" don't make it stronger or safer from failure. In my opinion, of course. But if that's what makes one happy, that's great. Some people do it to shut up their parents. I don't get that, but that's great too. Whatever. But, I've known many a man and woman who've ended their relationship because the other didn't want to marry. Granted, they probably just didn't want to have the big ceremony and all. Regardless of the reasons, these were good relationships and I often wonder if the one who ended it will, on their deathbed, realize that, in the grand scheme of things, it really wasn't that important.

In, ahem, closing, I've seen married couples and I've seen unmarried couples. I've seen great couples and not so great couples in both categories. All of the people who comment that I should be married, are married (and usually older). The ones who've been married and divorced, don't say a word. Some people say that's because they're jaded about the whole idea (a lot of them did remarry, usually for their kids) but they've told me that it's because they don't see what the difference is.

(The girlfriend and I got into a fight about this last night. It ended with, "I'm not talking about this anymore!")

Pseudonymous said...

Some people are monogamous. Some people are not. You know instinctually what you want, so go after it. Partnership is such a big deal.

What throws me off are those times when you *think* you've found a partner. It kind of screws with your instincts, then you get scared about wanting to be happy again because you were so wrong the last time and had no idea.

It's hard to know what you want after you think you found what you want.. I'm rambling. But yea. Nothing wrong with wanting marriage, totally normal to be afraid of not finding the right partner though.

Kris said...

Aar (out your differences) - Yep. I'm doing this again. I thought I'd bring it to a different group of people. Glad you commented though, you were exactly the different opinion I wanted brought into this. For some couples there really IS no difference between a regular relationship and a marriage. Commitment is commitment. You're right. But like I said...the symbol is nice. And it's nice to know that someone loves you enough to want that label. It's not for everyone though. Sorry that you and your gf are fighting about it. Booo-urns.

Pseudo - Exactly. That's what freaks me out, too. And it's pretty easy to fool yourself into thinking "Yep, this person is IT. We're gonna make it, despite all this bullshit!" I guess you have to be 100% honest with yourself every step of the way, and then make sure you don't make the same mistakes again. I've learned a lot since I was 17. Different loves, different lessons. I'd like to think they help me know exactly what I want and where I want to be.
But I'm definitely afraid of settling. Which is why I wouldn't be surprised if I did become a cat-loving spinster. Eek.

Pseudonymous said...

As a single lady, sometimes you have to stop and think that, and it's a very good likelyhood, you will find someone who you will be with for a really long time. And that they too are missing the crap out of you even though they never met you. It sounds ridiculous but honestly it's not far fetched.

In every relationship I've loved a little different. It's been different each time. But put it this way you're closer to finding what you want, more than you have ever been in your whole life. It sucks balls to keep putting yourself out there, and sometimes getting your ass kicked by 'so called' love.

The odds are with us that we will find someone, and that they are out there waiting, feeling just as impatient, aimless and scared... that's my belief anyways. then i lamely break out into this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRjb8sMjYu8 oddly enough this is exactly what I sound like when I sing! haha. i hate disney movies. so this is funny.

Pseudonymous said...

I couldn't stomach ending a response with a Disney Song. So I recant, and replace it with this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLDPhPrr5Ig

blepharisma said...

You and I have the same idea of what marriage means. I didn't always... I never planned to be married, because at the time marriage was an 'institution' and 'the man' validating your relationship. Heh.

Eventually I did start to see it as a more personal symbol of commitment that had less to do with the paper and more to do with the decision and the act... and the celebration with your loved ones!

Considering how long it took us, we definitely didn't make the decision on a whim.

Kris said...

Pseudo - Nuthin' wrong with Disney! But good choice with Wilco, I'm a fan of that song.

Bleph - I remember when you were anti-marriage. But check you out now, Wifey!

You did it the right way, too. All on your own terms, how you wanted it done. I've got pictures and video to prove it.

Yay!

Aar Farce said...

Now, the symbolism - is that for the benefit of the two people marrying or is it for the benefit of other people? Because I don't care what it looks like to others. That might explain why I don't care aboot it.

Alyson said...

I totally agree with you; a marriage is a symbol of the bond between two people, and the wedding is a way of celebrating it with the people that you love.

My theory has always been "The ring and the vows are for me and the reception and the to-do is a way of sharing it with my friends and loved ones". Otherwise the wedding and "getting married" can get caught up in dresses and flower arrangements and other stuff that, really, doesn't matter when it's all said and done.

Kris said...

Aar - I suppose for a lot of people, they want a symbol for others. I just want it for me.

Alyson - Yep, you're exactly right!

Andrew said...

"could end up with ten cats and a Y&R addiction."

Are you implying that you don't already have both of those? We know the truth!

As for marriage, I'm pretty much on the same page as you, though coming from divorced parents myself, it's made me extra a little more cautious I think.

Kris said...

I'm not a huge cat fan, and haven't watched Y&R for many, many years. But that will soon change!

I think people with parents who split up are usually more cautious... it only makes sense. My parents are going on 38 years, so I guess that changes my view.

Andrew said...

Yeah cats arent all that great, better to stick with the dogs.

38 years, thats so rare these days, they deserve a huge congrats.

Phronk said...

I see old couples who are still completely in love, and that tells me that marriage can work. I don't think it's for everyone, but it appeals to me, so I'm gonna hold out for that ideal fantasy romance and hope I am one of the people it works for.

It's hard not to get jaded along the way, but I think it's important to always have that hope. And you shouldn't have to defend it.

In other words YEAH GOOD POST I AGREE.

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Kris said...

Phronk - Yay Phronk! I like when you agree. And you pretty much said exactly how I feel. It's definitely waaay too easy to get jaded.

Anon - Hiya, SpamBot. I'd usually delete your spam... but I find it a bit funny that your subject matter is the one thing that terrifies me above all else. So I shall keep your spam. But I will not watch your spammy, spammy movie.

Mike D. said...

Shaun is right, thats a great picture. Why bother getting married when you could just have 15 boyfriends catering to you? Come on!

Kris said...

15 boyfriends? That's way too much work. Holy hell.

Masuka said...

I vote you become "partners" with everyone. then everyone is happy.

Kris said...

I just don't think I have time for that, Masuka. Can you just find me ONE solid dude? Thanks, I'll love you forever 'n junk.

Anonymous said...

I asked you to marry me before, but I think you said no. :(

Kris said...

Sounds like something I'd say, yup!

Coop said...

I Googled "Don't get married" before and stuff like this pops up...

http://www.relationshit.com/guys-guide/about-chicks/marriage-the-shortcut-to-everything-women-want

Articles like this scare me off.

Kris said...

Oh man. That's not an article... it's a bunch of tripe written by an obvious asshole.

Don't take it to heart, Coop! Some of us chicks aren't crazy. Just like some of you guys aren't jerks. :)

Coop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coop said...

I don't really worry about it to be honest. It's so far ahead in the future. Maybe not that far ahead, but because of setbacks I'm 28 going on 21.

I feel a little bad for Sir Paul McCartney paying 20k a day for his mistake of a marriage though. That poor, poor man. He cannot tell us how he feels, his heart is like a wheel. I rolled some of my money to him in the form of concert tickets though.

- that spelling mistake was driving me crazy to look at.

Kris said...

Haha... I completely understand. When I make spelling or grammar mistakes, I delete the whole thing too.

But yeah. some relationships don't work out. But some do! And I'm saying this as a jaded, bitter chick. So it's gotta mean something.

If it's right for you, I think you'll know it when you've got her.

Reverend Lowell said...

Good marriage is one of the great pleasures in this life. ( Like dogs ) Without marriage , you'll never fully understand the tears of joy that slip down your wife's cheek when she cuddles her children for the first time.
You'll be just be figuring child payments. There is a closeness involved in long term marriage that allows a couple to have the best sex available from across a room : anticipation. You'll begin to understand that The Orgasm is just the beginning. The closest you'll ever be; is the times that circumstance keeps you apart. You'll discover that you can't relax until your family is safe and secure, well fed and clothed. You'll be the last to eat and sleep.
You'll die for your wife and family with no reservations. And don't tell me "so will a partner."

We've been married for 42 years. We know the difference between a boyfriend/girlfriend and a spouse.

Kris - wait. : )

Kris said...

I love your answer. I want everyone to read it, just to see a different perspective; one we're not used to. You pretty much summed up how I'd like to feel after a long marriage. :)

Thanks, Rev.

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