Tuesday, September 7, 2010

All Alone In A House That We Were Living, All That Love Just Walked Out The Door

The Tuesday after Labour Day weekend is always a weird one. Some people head back to work, some head back to school... there's usually a feeling of new beginnings associated with today.

Well, maybe not for me. It's just another day of writing, job hunting, and adding yet another post to Ye Olde Blog.

In the spirit of schoolin', I'm going to answer some questions - we'll call them "word problems". And today, boys and girls, we're going to learn about men's shirts, songs to cry to, and the joys of swearing via some Formspring questions.

Ready?


My fiance dumped me and I found out he was sleeping with someone right away. Can you reccommend (sic) good songs that I can cry or scream to?

Lovely. Aren't some men (and women) just wonderful? Sorry to hear it. I'll get on board with the platitudes and tell ya that, whoever you are, you deserve better. Everyone does. That's painful and reeks of disrespect and bullshit, so after you've done the crying and screaming? Forget him. Trust me. Real, live good dudes do exist.

Now, onto songs... I could have a long list for you, but let's stick to basics. I'm leaving out my usual metal tunes for once, and sticking to some therapeutic swearing.

Get emotional to this song:



Say "Fuck you" over and over with this one:




This one went viral on la web recently. But damn is it ever catchy. Feel a bit better with it:



Be strong, chick.

What makes you feel sexy?

Usually I'd say being with someone who helps me feel that way. But that's a long damn time ago, save for guys I know who regularly say sweet things. But honestly? Mens shirts. Is that weird? Lingerie is great and all, hell so is being naked, but I feel most sexy in a mans shirt. Just a shirt, nuthin' else, not made up or anything. I don't know what it is about it - but I like it.

That said, a man in one of my shirts? Not so hot. And I have pictures to prove it.

And with that, I bid y'all adieu.



35 comments:

BShurette said...

Kris, how tall are you?

Thanks,
Brian

Kris said...

I am 5'8" Brian, how tall are you?

Thanks,
Kris

Aaron said...

I listen to songs to help me get through being in a 13 YEAR relationship! Kill me now.

Kris said...

Oh, come on. I'll trade you.

BShurette said...

I'm 6'1".

Kris said...

That's a respectable height, sir.

Mike D. said...

Seeing your pics of a guy in your shirt would be funny and all, but I bet we'd all rather see pictures of you in a man's shirt. Got any?

Kris said...

I might. Who knows where.

ghost said...

a girl in one of my tees is about the sexiest thing i can think of.

Kris said...

That's cuz YOU, my friend, are smart.

Screamin' Sara said...

Thanks for the songs. The loud swearing felt pretty good!

Thanks for the emails too, I appreciate you taking the time to listen to a strangers problems. I'm definately going to use your advice you gave.

Paul said...

Hey didn't JErry McGuire's wife, Renee Zellwiger, rock the nude jersey before? Its double sexy if its not a man's shirt, but a hockey jersey. Or maybe a man's button down shirt with just one middle button done up and nude all the rest. lol. Gotta love it.

Kris said...

Sara - Anytime, girly. Thanks for feeling comfortable enough to email me after I posted your question. I know everything sucks right now, so email me if you ever need to vent. (ps - "Screamin' Sara"? Funny!)

Paul - Forget Renee Zellweifdjhkh, however you spell that. I DO have jerseys... and I used to wear my ex's sometimes. But yeah... the man's button up shirt is the best choice by far.

Harald Benz said...

Not just sexy but also very stylish indeed! Mens dress shirt ... excellent idea. Our little photo shoot is starting to take shape.

Kris said...

Ooh, great idea! You're a genius.

Masuka said...

I'll lend you one of my shirts. but because im a fatass, that may not be sexy as it will look like a snuggy on you.

Kris said...

First of all, I've always wanted a snuggie. Secondly... since when are you fat? You're full of the lies. Now gimme a shirt!

Screamin' Sara said...

I thought Screamin' Sara was better than Sad and Stupid Sara.

Harald Benz said...

Genius? Maybe in some parallel universe...
In fact it was your idea. I just put 1+1 together which doesn't take a genius or even any wicked math skills to do.
To be short and precise, it's you who got the looks and the smarts.

Kris said...

Sara - It's ok to be sad, but you're not stupid. At all. I promise.

Harald - Jeepers. You make me blush. And YOU have the creativity and the awesomeness. ...and I hear ya take some darn good photos. ;)

I was trolling around your site again today. So talented.

Harald Benz said...

ah, you are the one!

check out my books
www.blurb.com/user/store/squarehead

there's more to see. full previews are available. need to finally update my website and have those books up there ...

Thanks for the compliments but talent is overrated. Compared to you I'm just the "and" between your smarts + good looks.

Johnson said...

A woman in a man's shirt can even salvage an entire movie: Note Sienna Miller in a pink men's Gucci dress shirt. Except for that scene, Alfie was unwatchable. Because of that scene, I've seen the film more than once.

Kris said...

Harald - I can't take a picture to save my life. You capture real things.

Johnson - I've never seen that movie! I'm guessing maybe I shouldn't, if it was so bad?

Anonymous said...

I love you.

Butter Chicken said...

The Onion's AV Club appears to have read your mind.

http://www.avclub.com/articles/kiss-off-28-gleeful-breakup-songs,44832/

Butter Chicken said...

And Ben Folds' "Song for the Dumped" is simply magic. That and that legendary Blu Cantrell.

Kris said...

Anon - Well thanks. But I only like you as a friend. For now.

Butter Chicken - That is an awesome list. Some stellar songs on there... save for a few. Thanks for link, your name is delicious. And now I'm hungry.

PatZ said...

there needs to be some Depeche Mode in that song list.

also, totally just realized there's a new header picture.

Kris said...

Which Depeche Mode song would ya use? I dunno if Enjoy the Silence would work so well, although I think it's about a couple who knows they shouldn't be together but stay together anyway.... Personal Jesus could be about the dude who makes you feel better after a loser dumps you. Does that work?

Maybe Policy of Truth....or Come Back. But neither are particularly happy.

To Have and to Hold could work, too... Deftones do a cover of that one which I'm a fan of.

See what you've done? I'm seriously thinking about Depeche Mode breakup songs.

Anonymous said...

enjoy the silence reminds me of my ex. odd that you mentioned it.

Kris said...

It reminds me of mine too, and for very weird reasons. Oh well. Still enjoy shakin' my ass to it.

Born with a big mouth! said...

love the new header on your page!

Kris said...

Thanks, girl! I'm no good at those things.

Butter Chicken said...

If you ever plan on breaking up with Lebron James, this might be helpful.

http://www.noregard.net/2010/09/mixtape-for-lebron.html#more

Kris said...

LBJ and I broke up long ago, waaay before The Decision. I'm not a fan of his. But... that song list? Has some pretty good tunes! Good find.

So why is your nickname Butter Chicken?

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