Monday, September 13, 2010

Anyone Who's Ever Had A Heart Wouldn't Turn Around And Break It, & Anyone Who's Ever Had A Part Wouldn't Turn Around And Hate It

Someone recently told me that my blog should be a place where I confess things. I don't necessarily agree, but what the hell. Let's give 'er a go.

Bless me blog-readers, for I have sinned. It's been 27 years since my last confession, and - waitasec. That's the wrong type of confession.

Warm it up, Kris!

Instead, here are slightly embarrassing ones.

- I rap to myself a lot. Yup. Rap. I make up lyrics as I go. What's that... freestyling? No one in the world will ever hear proof of this, but I'm actually pretty good for someone who doesn't listen to rap. I'm a kickass rhymer. Don't mock me.

- I imagine specific conversations with people, usually scenes of me confronting someone who I'm pissed at or feel general hatred toward. Sometimes these conversations keep repeating over and over in my head. Funnily enough, I actually ended up sort of confronting someone once and, completely unexpectedly, said pretty much the exact words I imagined myself saying. It was almost as if I practiced a script. Come think of it, a few more four letter words would've made it better. And maybe a kick to the shins.

- I hate talking on the phone, unless you're my boyfriend. Is that weird? Yeah. Probably.

- I've always wanted to be on TV, but never did anything about it. And no, YouTube videos don't count.

- This isn't a confession, since I've said it before. But still. I want people to follow me around, saying "Warm it up, Kris!"

Yes, I am a loser... but let's blame this song. (It's the only song that even remotely has my name in it, so it's my only option. Gosh golly gee, thanks Kris Kross!)



"Wrap it up, Kris!"

I'm about to. Bye.


34 comments:

Masuka said...

I also imagine conversations with people but usually while I'm in the shower. Oddly enough I had two confrontational showdowns this weekend with people I usually would have just let go...

It did bite me in the ass once and I almost lost my job, so maybe that's a reason I don't usually lose it that way. hmmm.

Kris said...

I don't tend to confront people either, unless I'm so beyond pissed that I'm seeing red. OR, if it's for a friend. That's why these conversation are often only in my head.

Gary said...

I typically, find myself not too different than you Kris. I imagine the tongue lashing I would like to dish out, a couple punches to the face and leave it at that.

I find that if someone has pissed me off to that point, and for the sole reason of being a jackass, they aren't worth my time, and it is their lost friendship, not mine.

Now I do get the idea of an accidental piss off. In those cases they usually get the toned down tongue lashing, maybe a cold shoulder for a few days, and luckily for them no punches to the face. I mean face it friends are bound to piss us off on rare, rare occasions, not that that mean to, often just the opposite, trying to do something for us.

As for your rapping, I seriously hope I never witness that.

As for talking on the phone I get it too. I hate talking to ayone on the phone unless it is a girlfriend... and even then I don't like talking on the phone. Text me or show up that is how I like it!

Kris said...

It isn't usually friends that I imagine myself confronting. Usually other types of relationships or a sorta stranger who pissed me off somehow. I don't think I've punched anyone, really.

Don't worry. You'll never hear me rap. Unless it's Kris Kross.

kay zee said...

"Cuz that's what I was born to do"

Kris said...

Damn right! Guess it works for you, too! In that case.. Warm it up, Kris. ;)

screetus said...

What if you got a parrot and taught it to say "Warm it up, Kris!" Then you could go everywhere with it perched on your shoulder, saying the line. It would be cool.

Kris said...

I'd like you to be my life coach, ok? I've promoted you from Yoda to Life Coach. Done & Done.

*sqwawk* Warm it up, Kris!*sqwawk*


Awesome.

PatZ said...

play your youtube vids on your tv. you never said how you'd end up on tv, so really, if they're on a tv, regardless of what it is that you're in and/or doing in said thing on said tv, then you'll still be on it.

bazinga.

Kris said...

Genius. And I'll go put it on other people's TVs too!

Mr. Bond said...

We'll need more details about the telling someone off. I imagine it's another girl and then a scene like this ensues http://tinyurl.com/372xq8w I mean that's just how I envision you telling someone off would be like but you'd be the girl with the wine bottle.

Kris said...

Ha. It's not like I've only told someone off once in my life. But no, none of em ever quite happened like that.

You are right, though. I would be the chick in the red.

ghost said...

ill take the job. are there benfits to the job of following you around saying, "warm it up, kris?"

Mr. Bond said...

Disappointed Kris. Disappointed. Though you said "quite" which implies it might have been some what similar. Easy with the broken bottles.

Kris said...

No broken bottles. Brass knuckles.

Mike D. said...

Do you wear your clothes backwards, Miss Kross?
(beautiful picture by the way, you look happy. Your hair is black now?)

Butter Chicken said...

I rap to myself all the time but I never think far enough ahead to actually rhyme so I usually either end up repeating the word I used in the first place or just making a noise that sounds like the word I am supposed to be rhyming. In other words, I am an absolutely terrible rapper.

Kris said...

Mike - I only wear my clothes backwards when I'm stupid. So yes? And thanks... it wasn't QUITE black, but that pic is from when I first got it dyed really dark. The first day it looked black, and the lighting in that room made it blue-black. I actually dig it.

Butter Chicken - You wanna collaborate? We might be awesome. ;) I still wanna know why your nickname is Butter Chicken, because you keep making me hungry.

Friend said...

A nice girl like you wouldn't confront someone with four letter words, would she? ;)

Kris said...

Shit no!

Mr. Bond said...

Fuck yea she would. Brass knuckles, broken bottles, four letter words, like cake. Need we say more?

Kris said...

Cake fights could be fun. Luckily I also carry switchblades to my fights, so we have something to cut the cake with.

Mr. Bond said...

I was waiting for the switchblade reference. At least you're not cutting the cheese. But likely cheesecake instead.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

"Warm It Up Kris" is pretty awesome. I think I'm wearing a backwards jersey to work tomorrow, maybe even my jeans backwards, until my third piss of the day when I get annoyed and flip them around.

Kris said...

Bond - I have a weakness for cheesecake, it's well-documented.

Dr. Ken - Yeah, that would never work out for too long. Probably why these guys aren't still around. I think I should google their whereabouts...

Mr. Bond said...

You did said that you told someone off 'once'. must learn to read between the lines with you.

Kris said...

Nope. I said I once told someone off and said the exact words I had imagined myself saying.

Other times were different.

Butter Chicken said...

I don't want to come off like some sort of music snob, but there is only one Kriss Kross worth listening to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MN-bmymsGY&feature=related

You are welcome.

Kris said...

Yeah. I thought about posting him too, but frankly.... he spells it wrong. So I can't count that when talking about songs with my name in 'em.

Can someone write and produce a song called "Kristen is friggin' awesome", please?

I'm the only chick I know who doesn't have her name in a song. Not even stupid Mambo #5, where he names EVERY random girl's name.

Yes. I am bitter. Carry on, Chris Cross!

Anonymous said...

on a completely unrelated note, check out ctvjobs on workopolis. There is a job posting for a receptionist at 299 Queen street.
I know this isn't a dream job, and it's not meant to downplay your skills and abilities, but its a definite foot in the door. And I have seen people move from reception to more glamorous, interesting and challenging roles.

Kris said...

I think I already applied to it, but I'll double check. And you're right. That's why I apply to admin jobs at media-type places as well as writing jobs. :)

29 4Ever said...

I have not only randomly rapped to myself but also made up random Yacht Rock type tunes on many occasions - sad I know...

Kris said...

Not sad at all! We're making it cool. I've decided.

29 4Ever said...

so smoooth...yay!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...