Lovely. Your ol' pal Kris is experiencing the triumphantly horrible return of the "Low Days". They're well-documented throughout this bitch-ful blog and, as we all know, the ever-present depression only serves to fuel their jerk-infested fire.
You know the days I mean. When nothing goes right. Everyone seems like they're out to hurt you. All news is bad news. Bullshit is plentiful. Things that were on the upswing drastically changed directions. People suck, things suck, I suck, you suck.
Rainbows, lollipops and evil Satanic monkeys. Yep.
And so, since it looks like these low days have gotten comfortable and are sticking around for awhile, I'm gonna need your help. Can ya handle it?
Here we go...
- Don't let me give up the Toronto job hunt. Lie to me if you have to, but tell me I need to keep going. Smack me on the head and remind me that I don't want to be in Niagara forever.
- Warn me if you think I'm dating someone very, very wrong for me, just because I sometimes get lonely. That's what I do. People like to remind me of it often. Keep reminding me. (And send me a list of compatible men, complete with headshots and musical tastes. Thanks.)
- Don't beat me up for any mistakes or bad decisions I've made. That doesn't help. Trust me, I'm learning on my own. Besides, remember that time? Yeah. I don't bug you about that now do I? I do? Sorry.
- Don't ever, EVER allow me to become a cat lady. I don't like cats much. They hate Daisy.
- Tell me over and over that "doctors are my friends... doctors are my friends..."
And lastly... please deliver one awesome Toronto job, one wicked apartment, one amazing boyfriend... and a Big Mac, 5 beers and a cheesecake. That'd be ever so helpful.
I'm so happy to have friends like you guys. Shucks.