Wednesday, September 22, 2010

You Can't Hold Me Down, Cuz I Belong To The Hurricane

I know, I know. We've been over this before. We discussed it. I got your input. We laughed, we cried, we played Battleship. But I'm bringing the topic back once more.

Pickup lines.

Yep. Again.

But this time I want to talk about ways guys 'n girls try to pick each other up. For the sake of this blog post, I use men as an example. Sorry, but that's what I deal with.

Ladies, if you're looking to be hit on a lot - go to a concert of the rock and/or roll variety. But prepare for the creeps. At this last one, I was meowed at. Leered at. Talked up by a guy who could've been my father. And then there were what my cousin and I lovingly(?) refer to as the "Suit Jacket Guys". They were wannabe-yuppies who stare, point and talk about you as if you can't see or hear them. My evil eye that I hoped would tell them "Screw off, Suit Jackets. We're watching Alice in Chains", did not register, since one of them fed me some cheesy lines and gave me his friend's business card.

What else is there?

The Facebook Pick-Up : "Saw your picture, wanna go out?"

The Asshole Who Uses People : "I only slept with your friend to get to you."

The Shy Dude : "My friend thinks you're hot."

The Straightforward Approach - "Hi, I like you. Wanna go out with me?"

There's too many. And I'm not knockin' em all - obviously some work, and have worked with me (since I haven't always been single). Some are cute, some are creepy - some are so strange, you've gotta question the guy's mental health.

What have you got? I wanna hear them.

Aaaaand.... go!


Anonymous said...

Simply introducing myself seems to work. I mean, really, how many guys are named Screetus?

Gary said...

"If I told you that you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"

Just kidding. Honestly, I think I can really say I don't know how to "pick up" girls. I know how to become their friend. I know how to treat them (duh, same way I'd want to be treated, by them or anyone else... like a human being).

Picking up, nope I got nothing. I am destined for that ever so famus "friend zone" right from the moment I say "Hi, my names Gary". Not even, I think at the first syllable of the word "hi" I am well on my way.

It would seem, and I have been tld time, and time again: "If you want to date the girl, be a bit of a jerk." Now this isn't in the meanin of do what you can to embarass her, or hurt her in any way, just seem like you don't care.

So I figured I would try that, I mean hey what do I have to lose, I have many wonderful friends, all of whom I love dearly, including our beloved blog author, may I add. I than realized something. Even when I don't care I'm still nice. I won't change that part about myself, so I have found a solution. Accept the fact I am doomed to be single forever. Enjoy my friends I have at every moment. Enjoy new friends, and most importantly enjoy myself, embrace my interests and hobbies. Seems kinda sad not having anyone to share various accomplishments with right. What about your friends and family you have come to love so much.

Wow I kinda went off topic there, but still kinda stayed on it. I figured I had to actually explain the "I don't know how to pick up chicks" lol.

Gary said...

P.S. Sorry for any missing letters, my keyboard can be a jerk like that. I assure you there is a 95% chance I hit the key, just not hard enough. The other 5%, well I could have been typing too fast and just missed it.

Kris said...

screetus - it's true. in fact, i think i know girls who want to date you just because they've heard your name. :)

gary - with some girls, yeah... being a jerk works. but girls with jerks are never happy. remember that.

Gary said...

Oh yeah that is something I know Kris. I see it far too often. And with that whole "friend zone" thing I'm often one of the people who get to hear it. Strangely enough I am generally able to provide an outlook that seems to always be reassuring, and/or comforting.

I find from what I see, the jerk is the attractive male, while the easy going nice guy is the one every girl wants. Sadly the good guy is almost always over looked attraction wise. He is often to predictable, leading to disinterest.

How many time have we all heard the girl say "I'm never dating an asshole again, only nice guys from here on out." Fast forward a few weeks (or however long it takes), bang! Yet another asshole. Not because she was looking for one, but the attractive personality traits she seeks, tend to be those carried by the "jerk".

I think the key in attracting a woman is walking the line, between being a jerk, and not being a jerk.

Be unpredictable, yet loyal. Seem almost even totally disinterested, yet have eyes for only her. Look at other girls like a "pig" but love only her. Make fun of her a little, but in a fun way, not to hurt her but to make her laugh.

Seem easy enough... I wish it were.

Oddly I seem to be able to help other guys get the girl. Just can't seem to help myself.

One night I was at the good ol' Mansion House. Met this couple. I could tell he was totally into her but he couldn't figure it out. I told him a few "jerk" things to do. He trusted me enough to give it a shot (probably figured why not nothing else has worked). So after a while (I was even trying to make him look good by acting like an ass) he thought she got mad at him for what I was telling him to do and he got soooo pissed at me. Ten minutes later, she came back and left with him. Bet he was thanking me later! :)

Couldn't do that for myself if my life depended on it. I should just become a wingman for higher haha. You know I might be on to something...

Kris said...

I could get into this topic a bit TOO much, but I'm not going to right now. I don't think you should tell guys to be jerks to their girlfriends or perspective partners, cuz it'll bite them (and probably you) in the ass.

And for the record, smart girls want nice guys who aren't total pushovers. We tend to like them to have at least a BIT of edge to keep things interesting and fun. It's about balance; it can just be hard to find.


No more of this topic! Ha!

Kris said...

Let's pretend that I typed "PROspective" up there instead of perspective. I gotta stop mutli-tasking.

Keir said...

My full Frenchy-french name seemed to do the trick in high school. Only line I ever needed, even though I couldn't speak French. "Hello, my name is Ini-I mean, Jean-Keir DuBois." Whappo! Swooning at fifty paces. Even these days it still turns heads.

The only person it didn't seem to hold any sway over was the woman who eventually married me—but then she took it. She's subtle like that.

Gary said...

That is kinda what I was going for Kris. My ability with words isn't nearly what yours is. (Hey you do it for a living) I am happy to see my point came across. Well mostly I wasn't telling him to be a jerk really was just telling him kinda edgy stuff to say. I seen it working in his favor. I was right. I was also telling him why he should say it and the reaction he should get if he delivers it properly. He was a pro. And he got the girl!

Yes it sure can be.

For the record. Smart guys want intelligent women! I am getting so sick of the women I meet being total bone heads, or pretending to be because they think it makes them more attractive! grrrrr.

HideYo'Kids! said...

I'd give anything for meows and leers.

Kris said...

Keir - That. Is. Awesome. And of course that didn't work on the girl who ended up marrying you... that'd be too simple :)

Gary - Yeah, don't bother with the dumb ones.

Aar - Meeeee-ow! *leer*

Mike D. said...

I think I use the Shy Dude one. I meet girls through friends.

Steven Allen Adams said...

I usually just try to be funny with girls I like, but I rarely just walk up. Normally I'm introduced.

Kris said...

D - It's usually a good way to do it.

Steven - Funny is good. Probably any guy's best bet.

Mr. Bond said...

I love girls that smoke. Smoking is the easy talking point with girls. "Got a light?" Full stop. So much easier to approach a girl that way then out of the blue. That's why single people love to socially smoke.

Kris said...

It's so true. I've made so many friends just because I was standing outside for a smoke. So easy to break the ice.

I haven't smoked in 4 days cuz I want to stop smoking everyday, but I don't think I'll ever NOT smoke socially. Bad, I guess.

Anonymous said...

I sometimes try to pick up beautiful women by commenting on their blogs anonymously. How about it, Kris?

Kris said...

I'm afraid of you anonymous folk. I picture you all without faces, or looking similar to Voldemort.

I'll friggin' Avada Kedavra your ass. Unless you have a name. Then, uh... hi.

Mr. Bond said...

A friend of mine pointed out that women who like to smoke have low self-esteem (smoking as a result of peer pressure/trying to fit in) so men are naturally attracted to that and see them as easy targets. He's a douche though, so in douche-land (not to be confused with Deutschland)it makes sense there.
At some point though smoking gets creepy. When you see women still casually smoking around the 40 y/o mark, men tend to just stay away.

Kris said...

I hope that when I'm 40 I've already snagged a Lifer, and he can't stay away so easily.

Or... y'know... I stop smoking before then.

Jimmy said...

I just don't give a fuck. That is my approach.

If I am interested I will somehow get your attention and then eventually ask for a number, if I don't get it oh well, c'est la vie.

Mr. Bond said...

Do you think it's a conflict if your partner doesn't smoke? I haven't come across this yet.

Kris said...

Jimmy - It's good to not care too much. But ya gotta care a little bit, don't you?

Bond - My last boyfriend didn't smoke. It was actually a good thing, cuz I cut down considerably and mostly quit - I just smoked socially, and not too much. Being single brought back the cigarettes!

Mr. Bond said...

Yea butt (get it?) don't non-smokers complain a lot, I mean is that why you cut down? It seems like a point of contention for couples.

Kris said...

Hmm... I think he did at some points, but not as much as a lot of guys would. I guess because I smoked before dating him, so if it was a REALLY huge deal then he had the choice to NOT pursue me. But he did, cuz I'm awesome. (Ha!)

I cut down for lots of reasons, but not from him complaining so much. I knew it bugged him, so I tried my best.

Although... a couple of times he admitted that I looked hot when I was smoking. Way to confuse a chick!

Mr. Bond said...

Fair enough. Girls look hot when they smoke. But nothing more confusing than seeing a bride smoke, or a mom with her kid.

Smoking is fine for dating, but for serious commitments it seems to be a popular turn off. Perhaps a double standard.

Kris said...

Well... I lived with him. I consider that serious. But if it REALLY really bugged him, I could've quit completely.

Mr. Bond said...

Was referring to marriage and having children, not that living with someone is not serious. Either way, smoking is still a great way to meet people.

Kris said...


BShurette said...

My approach is simple - "I'll be by to pick you up for dinner at 8"

Lines are for pussies! ;)

Kris said...

And here I thought you didn't even bother with dinner.

BShurette said...

For you, I'll bother with anything.

Now that's a line. LOL!

Kris said...

Ha! Well played.

BShurette said...

What I meant to say is that the ticket to San Diego is paid for.

Kris said...

Better get me a passport too, then.

BShureThing said...

Like duh!

RealSuperKeith said...

I once launched into a discussion about Casey and Finnigan from Mr. Dressup - u know stuff like whether they REALLY got along on the show, how on set they were known as Gasey (limp wrist due to loose bolt in wooden left hand) and Vinegar (alcoholic, jealousy fuelled, sourpuss - that's why he never spoke you know - man what I would give to see a Family Guy cutaway with those two involved in a slapfest w the 'loser' ending up w x's for eyes..) ANYHOW point is I made her LAUGH (despite the 'sickness' evident in my humour) and we're still together after 16 yrs -married for 12 - and hopefully still making her laugh ;)

RealSuperKeith said...

lines I've heard:

- you must be tired b/c you've been running through my mind all night (apologies to Fresh Prince)

- The way I figure it I've already been to first base and I plan on rounding second tonight at around eleven o'clock (apologies to Keith Hernandez)

Kris said...

Hahaha... SuperKeith, I think you figured out the magic way to keep an awesome chick. Make her laugh! It probably also helps that you aren't an asshole. Why can't other guys figure that one out?

Ohhh, Mr. Dressup. How I miss him.

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