I really like looking at my stats sometimes and seeing what search phrases people used to get to my page. For the most part, they just search Shambled Ramblings, or my name, or random song lyrics (cuz, in case ya didn't know, the majority of my post titles are lyrics.)
But sometimes there's some downright weird or funny ones. I like to try and figure out which post these searches could possibly be linked to. And I kinda wanna talk to this people. Won't ya join me?
Screwed on the beach -Ya lost me with this one. So I searched it on my blog and it came up with this post. Beach, yes. Screw, no.
Hot girl gets boys - Makes sense, right? Don't know how that got you here.
Hot Toronto Kristen - Yes, it's quite warm in Toronto right now I hear...
Manson Claus - Damn right, Manson Claus!
Silicone Boob Tube - I honestly get this one a LOT. Daily. Just cuz I named a post stupidly.
Prank Calls "I'm Daisy" - Why would you call someone, pretending to be my dog? Not nice.
How to spell "belated" - You'd be surprised how often people search this to get here. This post's fault.
"It's not about love"- Then what's it about? Beer?
"I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen"- Sigh. Lloyd Dobler, why don't you exist?
"How to say I'm sad that you're leaving" formally - Like this: "Hey. I'm sad you're leaving. No, really."
weird things that happen at the chimo hotel ottawa - I have no words. I dunno what that is, or how it got you to my blog. But please.... enjoy your stay.
claustrophobia at onoir - Ah yes. My claustrophobic dinner fun.
what the effing crap that angel guy just felt me up - I get this a lot too. The video still makes me laugh too much.
how to win a girl back - I dunno, stop being an asshole? Call her and apologize?
hammy sink - Hell ya. Weird Al + Ozzy Osbourne.
fried brain from alcohol - Did you Google this to see what it looks like? An egg, friend. An egg.
We're routin' for ya - Well thanks, I could use the support. You can be my bra. My Life Bra.
toronto news parkdale stabbing on july 9 2010 - Don't worry dudes, it wasn't your ol' pal Kris!
Neon hats - People search "Neon Hats" a lot. Probably NOT looking for this.
"toronto island" red ant- I know those ants well, from my only trip EVER to the Island. We had fun.
betty had bigger breasts than veronica - Depends on the days, actually. Its cool, cuz I've been both.
goetz female stand up comedy - Me? Stand-up comedy? I don't even like standing up, nevermind comedy.
cereals made in mexico - Krisperanto!
sebastian bach leather - Well, yeah. I've got him here at the Patch Cup... here with an impersonator, and here with his wisdom in a McDonalds. I love me some Sebastian.
FEMALE PEEING - Oh no! Female peeing! Females DO that?
My husband is cheating on me and he hides text messages that they send to one another, I cant believe my husband is cheating what do I do? - I don't know how this search got you here, but I'm very, very sorry. And whoever you are, you deserve better than that kinda bullshit.
"fetch me my longsword, ho" - I say that a lot. I said it at Halloween.
NICE BOOBS - Where?!
not my chair not my problem - People search this a lot to get here. It's cuz they wanna watch this and laugh, like the awesome people they surely must be.
boys sexy weners - Can't say I've ever blogged about "weners". Not even sexy ones.
"Behavioral condition of attraction often resulting in constant obsessive behavior, and general emotional euphoria" - That's from when C made up a word to describe our "state", years ago. Why did you search that? How?
emotionectomy - I'll take two, thanks!
Keep 'em coming, searchers! I require entertainment.