Sunday, November 21, 2010

You Can Hear Happiness Staggering On Down The Street

Gather 'round, children. Today we're going to discuss a nasty li'l creation called the "cigarette" and my long-term relationship with it.

I hope you packed light, cuz you're now entering Flavour Country.


For many many years, I've been some form of smoker - usually just occasional. Then in my early twenties I dated a heavy smoker and hung around a lot of other smoke-fiends. That led to me smoking more.

I am weak-willed, and smoking is a very social thing that non-smokers never understand. I've met some of my favourite people and had some of my best conversations outside over a cigarette.

There's a strange unspoken bond between people who smoke.



Fast-forward to 24 year-old me, in a serious relationship with a non-smoker. So I cut down quite a bit, save for nights out and social occasions. Over the next couple of years I didn't smoke much at all (partially because I couldn't afford to, partially because I'm just such a nice girlfriend... nah, that can't be right).

Then 2010 happened. Stress kicked me in the ass and made the smokes my dearest friend again. When I found myself alone in my apartment most of the time, I could usually be found on my balcony. Shivering my ass off, smoke after smoke, staring at the CN Tower and wondering what the hell I was going to do with my life.

Fun stuff.



It didn't stop. I was smoking daily again. I was so unbearably sad and completely angry this past year, and it just made me smoke more and more. I can vividly recall many times where I'd be crying my eyes out with my head in my hands, puffing away on a cigarette like it would somehow fix my life.

It didn't, of course. So I did.

Things started falling into place recently, and one day I stopped and realized "Hey... I haven't had a cigarette in a week". As of right now, I have the same pack I bought before Halloween.

That, for a smoker, is huge.

I haven't fixed everything that was wrong, but I'm not in the same place I was. I'm not using cigarettes as a crutch. That may not mean shit to you, but it's fairly monumental to me.

Now lets just hope that the next guy I date isn't a heavy smoker... or this somewhat smokeless chick is screwed.



26 comments:

Kris said...

I should probably add that I haven't quit completely, and maybe never will. I'd consider myself an occasional smoker, which is a hell of a lot better than an everyday, heavily-addicted one.

David said...

It's a tough battle... I fight that one too. Off and on all the time. Moved to Calgary and quit. Moved here and took it back up. Then quit. Then started. Then quit... you know how it goes.

My hasn't smoked in something like 13 years. If you ask him, he tells you he's a smoker, just between cigarettes... Once you're hooked, it's a lifetime battle I'm afraid.

And I get the social thing...

ghetto.punk.chic said...

Proud of you, Fatbase.

Shevy said...

I think this is one of your best posts...
Proud of you too.
And we bowled again last night...
Ryan lost both games, again...
This time to ALL girls...
Maybe it should have been you teaching HIM how to handle balls.
;)

Kris said...

David - Absolutely. It's always there, sometimes it's just easier to turn your back on it. The social aspect really does make it harder.

leah - Thanks, ladypantsofawesomeness.

Shev - I WAS teaching him how to handle balls. I told him to be gentle, and then gave a demonstration. He obviously didn't listen. Bah!

stevenadamswv.com said...

One day at a time.

Kris said...

Doesn't mean I have to stop drinking though, right??? Right?!

Adam said...

Some people can say they've beaten it, some people can say they can control it, and some people are slaves to it. Whatever you call the afflicting addiction you're at war with, the truth is, you're fighting yourself.

Congratulations, Kristen. This post breathes life into those recovering from anything, anywhere. Maybe even Kelowna.

Thanks for this, Krissy.

A Jedi Knight...you have become.

Anonymous said...

quitting is easy, I've quit like 4 times! haha

Kris said...

Smack - Ready to welcome you back, Toronto is. And yeah... I fight myself lots. I also fight imaginary monkeys with diamond-encrusted swords, but apparently I'm not suppose to talk about that.

Anon - Haha, yeah... that just means you're 4x better at quitting than people who only do it once, right? ;)

RealSuperKeith said...

1) what's with the Ann Margrock silhouette on the wall in the first pic?

2) in same pic, funny how your right ball hangs lower than your left ball

3) surprised there haven't been any 'balls to the wall' or 'balls deep' bowling references

4) Alternate blog titles Vol. 13?
- Smokeless in da Big Smoke; Butts Ugly; Smokeless but still Smokin' (actually don't think the last one would really work for you, sorry. So instead I've reserved it for my potential new irony-filled handle ;)

Masuka said...

I'm glad to hear you're cutting down on the smoking. Cuz its gross. You're right.. I'll never understand the social bond smoking gives you. I don't think there is any benefit that outweighs the overall risk of it. But I'm proud of the progress you have made!

2:49 poet said...

I vote 'Flavour Country' as a top #10 phrase of all time. Say, 'Flavour Country, party of 1.' as you light up a siggy and your jump to #2. #1 will remain a secret. It will reveal itself when pigs fly and hell freezes over.

Happiness is a warm gun, not a lit sig.


2:49 poet

Kris said...

Keith - 1) She's everywhere. 2)I was showing him how to cup, caress, and be gentle. 3)There were. Somewhere. 4)You're on a roll with new names these days, huh? :)

Masuka - There is no benefit that outweighs the risk. Smoking is completely stupid, and any smoke who says otherwise is an idiot. I know I'm dumb when I do it. Hard not to know.

Poet - If I try to smoke a warm gun (while listening to the Beatles, of course), I don't think it'll take me to Flavour Country at all... I could be wrong, though.

TC said...

good job on that though, I totally get it. I've managed to become an "only when I drink" smoker and NO I've not upped my drinking as a result! It was hard at first because I love to smoke and did it A LOT, but I can't deny, I feel a lot better physically without it.

Next step is full on never smoking.

Anonymous said...

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Kris said...

TC - Good job! That's where I am now, too. Good luck quitting completely, I have no doubt that you can do it successfully!

Anon - Botty bot bot bot. I love me some bots. And bug detectors.

Mike D. said...

I'm so proud of you, Kris. A girl as beautiful as you doesn't need to smoke. I told you!

4:56 poet said...

Heheh funny girl. There are a few entendres in your warm gun scenario. Sex and suicide come to mind. I prefer sex personally but to each his/her own. But. But, but, but. Suicide by sex could be interesting although logistically challenging or perhaps not at all. In either event, I'm not exploring that scenario in real life or even in mental images. Fuck, why did I bring it up. See what you made me do.

4:56 poet

Heff said...

Congrats, I guess...but you're not really a TRUE SMOKER unless you do it 'round the clock DAILY.

Love,

Marlboro RED.

Kris said...

Mike - Thanks darlin', but does that mean the opposite would be true? "You're ugly, you can smoke all ya want!" ;)

Poet - I don't think it's all that challenging... funnily enough, I think today is the anniversary of the death of the INXS frontman, Michael Hutchence. Sex-related death. Yep.

Heff - Well, well, well... long time no read, Mr. Marlboro Red!

Anonymous said...

Good girl. Hilarious pictures.

Kris said...

Merci!

Andrew said...

That's awesome, keep it up.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Good luck shaking those smokes! You should do that Uncle Buck plan: go to cigars, then pipes, then chewing tobacco, then the gum.

Kris said...

Uh-oh. I did it wrong. I went from smokes to crack... the rest of the list isn't pretty. I went backwards. I KNEW I needed a Life Coach.

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