Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Need To Be Redeemed To The One I've Sinned Against, Because He's All I Ever Knew Of Love

The interweb and I have decided to see other people lately.

I went most of the weekend without being anywhere near a computer, and I think it was much-needed. Now I find myself less dialed in at all times of the day... what a stifling relationship we had. We're much healthier this way.

Neil & I - somehow looking like different people. A magic trick.

So - It's no big secret that I'm a huge spaz. (I refer you to the Elaine Dance incident, and oh -  spraining my ankle at the WreckRoom).

Well, I was almost proud of myself on Saturday night. I had been dancing and bouncing around for hours on mangled, slanted heels without falling once. But when it was time to leave and I got to the snowy, icy sidewalk, I stupidly turned around quickly and fell. Hard. Concrete. Ouch.

Knees, elbows, chest, arms = bumps and bruises.


How attractive. Blues and purples.

At least I'm consistent. Reliable. That's me.

On another random and unrelated topic (See? Consistent!), tomorrow will be my one year Single-versary.

That's right. My first ever entire year of being single. A lot of people, myself included, wouldn't have been surprised if I had jumped into the first relationship that came my way. I usually would; I often did. But not this time. I mostly ducked and weaved and ran away (from some really great guys, no less), to sort of prove to myself that I'm fully capable of being an awesometastic single chick.

But instead of making myself a tasty cake with a big number 1 on it to celebrate my newfound ability to handle that "one is the loneliest number", I'm acknowledging it with this blog post.

And, hell.... let's be honest. I'll likely find myself in a relationship after my first week back in Toronto. So that's why I haven't moved yet....right.

The year's up - It's over! Let's do this.

Please join me in dancing around to Kris' Life Theme Song to Karaoke Forever & Ever Amen (or - KLTSTKFAEA, as it is known in many circles.):

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought that was a boob pic. I thought "awesome" and "ouch" at the same time.

Kris said...

Heh. Not much awesome, but some definite ouch!

Masuka said...

I thought.. and so did my co-workers that was an ass pic.. I actually thought it was Neil's ass cuz he's scrony like that.... fortunately it wasnt, so I avoided a trip to hr.

Happy anniversary.

Kris said...

Oh, it does kinda look like a scrawny ass. Just a close-up of a knee, folks.... carry on!

Masuka said...

wow i totally had a moment with scrony vs scrawny. Ignore that blatant error and chalk it up to stress in a new job!

Kris said...

Error? What error? You're crazy. ;)

Phronk said...

Happy Single-versary!

I don't think it's possible to be completely happy in a relationship unless you're a complete person when you're not in one. So cheers to being single for long stretches of time.

screetus said...

I sense an imminent move back to Toronto. Is this the plan?... 'Cause it would be super cool!

Kris said...

Phronk - Thanks, you! And I agree... that's why I made an effort to stay single. I wasn't necessarily aiming to go at least a year, but maybe I kinda was. Who knows?

screetus - I never know anything anymore! :p

Krista said...

OH I love that song, can we duet it if we ever have the chance?

I am admitted a serial monogamist and had my next relationship lined up in my mind, my reason for the breakup was outstandingly sound. The guy and I just didn't like each other, it had gone on way too long and there was lots of fighting and jealousy. Unfortunately we were so close, we did everything together and when he was gone I had to reassemble myself. I just thank my lucky stars it happened when I was young enough to get over it and before we moved in together.

I dove into my now relationship very shortly after the big break up, a month and a half I believe, I knew that we liked each other and was afraid I'd settle again for someone I didn't want to be with.

Moral of the story: it all works out because the heart will let you know what'sup in the end.

ghost said...

the first time i saw that video i wanted to be in love with a small heroin junkie. fiona apple had my heart for a while.

Kris said...

Krista - Smart moves you made. And of course we can duet that anytime ;)

ghost - Well, love is technically a chemical addiction... So in a weird way, you have BEEN that heroin junkie once or twice. Or in love with one. Or... I'm crazy.

Also, I'd like my last name to be a type of fruit. Lucky girl.

Mike D. said...

Happy singleversary, kris. Make sure you don't just jump into a relationship with any guy. He has to be a great one! Ok?

Kris said...

Yes, dear. No assholes.

Dr. Roothie Westphalia said...

vehry, vehry eentehresteeng. So you hafen't had ze sex in over ze year?

Kris said...

Doctor Ruth, didn't you die?

Alma said...

I've gone through my own bouts of singlehood. I called them my nun phases...mostly because they tend to be celibate years for me because I am not one to have sex with people I don't love.

After my engagement ended, I went through kind of an insane year of lots of near-misses and a full-fledged relationship only to spend about 2 years with near-misses up the wazoo. And then came my nearly 4 year relationship with a narcissist...my first live-in thing...and he broke my heart 2 weeks after telling his mother he wanted to marry me. So, I spent about five months on the couch--listening to self-help gurus and crafting mantras for myself.

Then, one day, I met an erotic photographer--which actually put Humpty Dumpty heart back together again--though nothing happened with it--and I found a brief love with someone just as miserable as me. We were intensely together until we weren't...disintegrated quickly. He's now my roommate, and I've been single since May. This time, I had nothing to prove, nothing to fix. So, I almost immediately leapt back in the ring...but that didn't work so well.

But things are looking up. Of course, I still cry over those boys who didn't fit.

--Alma

Kris said...

It's hard not to jump back in, especially if you're a serial monogamist. Or if there are really persistent guys (or girls) around. Those are my usual issues.

As for finding ones that fit... it's kinda like Tetris. Yet sometimes like an over-packed suitcase that you have to sit on til you can get the damn thing shut. That's my lame way of saying that they'll all take work ;)

Anonymous said...

You'll be married and pregnant within the year.

Kris said...

I dunno, Jojo. You and your Psychic Friends Network might wanna get your crystal balls checked.

Anonymous said...

CONGRATULATIONS! A year of pushing forward, baby.

Kris said...

"We must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

That's what I learned from the Simpsons. Wise words 'n junk.

Alyson said...

Congrats to you for being single so long! It's a shitty time sometimes but SO necessary in order to really figure out what you want for your next relationship (sorry, Hallmark card moment). I'm super proud of you :)

Also we should swap bruised knee photos sometime, seems we have the same clumsy problems.

Kris said...

Definitely cane be shitty, but likely much-needed!

Maybe one day we should parade around in our fuzzy hats, showing our bruises to horrified onlookers. We'll need beer!

Kristen's Blog said...

Update me

Kris said...

Masuka, I'll assume that's you.

Sorry, sorry. Been busy.

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