Thursday, January 27, 2011

Let Me See You Save A Soul That Is Impaired

This one's for the blondes.

In 2007, when I looked a little something like this:


I was at my usual bar with my usual friends on a usual Wasted Wednesday.

We were outside smoking like evil people do, and watched a guy climb the back fence and jump onto the patio. Whether he was underage, or didn't want to pay the couple bucks to get inside, I can't be sure. Pretty certain he just thought he was cool and wanted to make a show of it.

A bit later, I saw him talking to a guy I kinda knew. I went over and made some (surely witty and intelligent) comment about his fence-scaling skills. But before I could finish my sentence, he put a hand up to stop me.

"I don't talk to blondes."

This confused me - and no, not in a blonde way.

"What the shit?" I said back.

"I don't talk to blondes, not even pretty ones. Blondes don't deserve my time." And he turned away.

This weird little bug-looking creature had the nerve to think he was better than people with a certain hair colour? I could only assume that he had been rejected by many a blonde in his past, and his fragile (yet obviously inflated) ego just couldn't handle any more. And all blondes were stricken from this poor jerk's life.

So this morning, as I suddenly remembered this guy, I found myself wondering... What if I saw him again? Because now I look something like this:


No blonde. Just dark hair and a mouthful of nasty words for anyone that pisses me off.

I would kinda get a kick out of starting up a conversation with him, luring the idiot in with a few strategically placed eyelash-bats, fake laughs and complimentary words, and then a slight kapow to his cocky brain: 

"Sorry. I don't talk to assholes with Napoleon complexes. My formerly blonde hair is frightened by the shortness of your legs." And in a perfect world, I could punch him in the bug-face and walk back to my blonde friends, where my beer would surely be waiting.

A chick can dream.



18 comments:

Blondie Vail said...

I have a blonde streak in my hair (which turned grey and is now dyed, but you didn't hear that).

Do I qualify as a blonde? Like, it's about 5 percent of my head.

Kris said...

You're 5% blonde.

This dude would never speak to you, Vail-o.

RealSuperKeith said...

Just a 'slight' kapow??

BTW let the record show I've always spoken to you whether you were brunette or Jessica Simpson blonde ;) (no kapow)

Hell, I speak to everyone - blonde, brunette, green/blue/purple-haired, striped, albino, bald, etc...

ghost said...

should have been happy you were talking to him at all, says i.

dream on, sister sledge hammer.

Masuka said...

He was obviously an idiot. blondes rule.. even the bottle variety.

Kris said...

Keitherrrr - My 'kapows' can be pretty bad. I've known to render a man paralyzed with a single gaze.... grrrr. Ha.

ghost - Always know what to say, dontcha ;)

Masuka - Yes. He was the anti-Masuka. Wonder if he liked boobs?

Anonymous said...

I'm more of a Brunette guy myself.
However, you could be a Redhead, Blonde, or Blue for all I care I would talk to ya.
She's got the look that kills. (name that band. too easy?)

krista zee said...

Holy shit I would have loved to have been there for that!

Kris said...

Anon - Heh, you must be new here. Looks That Kill would be my wrestling song... hahaha. The line "She's a cool, cool black" was always my favourite.

Krista - Would've been more fun if you were!

Mike D. said...

You met yet another winner, huh?

Kris said...

You got it, D. I'm a magnet for awesomeness.

Anonymous said...

i cannot believe you used to be a blonde. i never would have pictured it. if i say i like the dark hair better does that make me a jerk like this guy? lol

Kris said...

Nope, it sure does not.

Lindsey said...

You're kidding! I CANNOT believe he actually said that...what kind of moron is he? Oh wait, I know...the kind that isn't getting laid b/c he's obnoxious and probably has a little weenus.

screetus said...

I see you ran into yet another genius.

I have a rule that I absolutely must speak to any girl with pink hair.

PatZ said...

what if you dyed it all ancient Roman style and you went as...

*does the CSI sunglasses thing*

Bronzed.

YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH


...god that was terrible...

Kris said...

Anything that makes me laugh is decidedly UN-terrible.

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