Tuesday, January 25, 2011

No Fight Left Or So It Seems, I Am A Man Whose Dreams Have All Deserted

For one reason or another, a lot of people come to me for advice.

Is it because I'm awesome and my twisted grey matter holds all the answers to absolutely everything?

Am I silly enough to give decent advice, yet rarely take my own because that would make too much sense?
Uh. Yep.

Dontcha wanna take my advice?

When I had my advice column, I really enjoyed writing it. It was fun, and people seemed to dig it. I'd love to start up another one - any takers, Big Publication Folks? Huh?

As it happens, because of all the fun (read: shitty) things that have gone on in the past year, lots of advice has suddenly come my way. Tables turned.

It's amazing what some people will tell you.

Some of it was well-intentioned, some was complete selfish bullshit that serviced others - not me.

Some of it I took. Some I should've, but didn't. Everything is a roll of the dice, and sometimes I like to fight common sense. We all do. Don't lie, you do it too. I saw you.

The beer heart tells your future. You will find love. In a pint glass.

So, in an ode to advice, whether sought or not, here are a few words that have come to me or caught my eye as of late. You should heed it all, because I command you to:

"Keep your true friends, and ditch the dipshits that leech the life outta you." - The Wise Masuka
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” - Miss Piggy (via Leah)

"You're fucking amazing, remember that at all times of the day. Repeat it over and over, believe it." - Secret Awesome Person
"Don't eat yellow snow. Don't pretend to be someone you're not in order to impress somebody. Eat your vegetables, but don't bother with carrots because they're made of evil. It's ok that you watch Jersey Shore, but people will judge you. When you feel sad or alone, pretend that I'm singing Kate Bush's parts of "Don't Give Up" - you can be Peter Gabriel. Some people suck, some things will hurt you, and sometimes you won't want to wake up in the morning... but if you don't, you'll never get to read this and know that you kick ass. You kick ass, by the way. And Big Macs make life better." 
- She Who Warms It Up.

Now let's go hug it out in front of a giant moon.


Mom said...

Don't forget...."Always listen to your Mother"

Kris said...


I mean.. Yes, mom. You WERE the one who played this song when I was little.

Masuka said...

Awh, you listened to me!! Now go cull your dipshitted friends...

Alma said...

Big Macs do make it better. And those hot fudge sundae things. I only eat both when I'm about to have a breakdown and have a car to drive to the drive-thru because, God knows, I will not go into a McDonald's.


Kris said...

Masuka - Yes dear ;)

Alma - I love McDonalds. Forever. A few years ago, I was going through something tough and wasn't really eating for awhile... one night I turned to my cousin and said "Let's go to McDonalds". That's how we knew I was gonna be ok. Ha! Sad, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Had to:


Nick Riot

Kris said...

Well done, Nick. Well done!

Mike D. said...

What's wrong with carrots?

ghost said...

do you know a song called grey cell green by ned's atomic dustbin?

Kris said...

D - I don't like em unless there's a fattening dip handy.

ghost - I do indeed!

Anonymous said...

"Some people suck, some things will hurt you, and sometimes you won't want to wake up in the morning... but if you don't, you'll never get to read this and know that you kick ass. You kick ass, by the way" This is possibly one of those instances where you should take your good advice, as you said. And The Wise Masuka's as well. I suppose (if I'm being honest) we all should. :)

Kris said...

Yer gonna give ol' Masuka a bit ego ;)

As for my advice? Pretty standard. And you kick ass. Got it?

Friend said...

You should always go to a trusted 'friend' for advice. See what I did there?

Kris said...

A big ol' SHAZAM to you, friend.

Anonymous said...

I really love this song. Thanks for sharing it.

RealSuperKeith said...

1) Wish I could give good advice like that.

2) Hopefully not a dipshit.

3) Nice touch with the Gabriel - he's got good tunes.

4) Maybe Masuka can have a spinoff blog? Just sayin' ;)

5) finally, a few inspiring 'words' from 'someone' who needs no introduction http://tinyurl.com/4ul4696

Kris said...

You're not a dipshit, my friend. :) Masuka's gonna do some guest posts. Keep an eye out for em.... they're, uh... sumthin!

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