Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Fingers Wrap Around Your Words & Take The Shape Of Games We Play

They say that no matter who you are are (yeah, even you), there will always be someone
more successful
more liked
than you are. Always.

I'm perfectly fine knowing that.

But I also know that nobody, not even someone with all the traits that I don't possess, will ever be more me than me. It's something I'm pretty damn good at. My triumphs and fuck-ups are mine and mine alone. So are my quirks, abilities and infinite flaws.

So maybe that one guy is better at origami than I am. He can fold you a paper swan in his sleep. One-handed.

But that's cool - I applaud Foldy-Man! Because I've got secret magical skills that he doesn't have. I'm like a unicorn. Or Alf, if Alf was magical.

And maybe that one chick's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. But what about the lactose intolerant ones? Doesn't anybody think of them?

I do. And that's why my draft beer brings all the boys to the bar.

It's all about balance.

So, ya see... my point is that we all kick ass, even if others are better at ass-kicking than we are. You're a Mathlete, I'm a Word Nazi. Let's high five and do lunch (but you're buying, cuz you're richer and more successful than me).

Kumbaya, my friends.

Oh - I forgot to mention one more skill I'm kinda proud of - I'm a little bit psychic. And that is how I know that you will be finished reading this blog post right after this word.


Jack said...

Cue applause.
Well said. And might I add perfectly timed. I needed this today.

But I'm not buying unless we go to McDick's.

Kris said...

Smickety Smack, y'know that's my favourite place on earth.

Unknown said...

Ah, well timed, Kris. As usual. I'm sure there are more people who would prefer a nice draft to a fatty milkshake. You can acceptably drink those all year round!

Kris said...

Yep! I mean, I AM a fan of all things fatty, but beer has a special place in my heart.

Mike D. said...

Your math sucks more than a lot of people but your smile's always better! And for the record, alf is pretty magical.

Anonymous said...

This post is inspirational! You rule.

Now hurry up and get settled in Toronto so our city can be that much Kris-ier.

Kris said...

Mike - I wasn't sure if aliens were considered magical, but he's a special case.

screetus - Ya want me to Kris-ify the city, huh? It's funny, cuz right now i'm practically in Toronto more than I'm in Niagara - just don't have a place yet. Bah!

Anonymous said...

Don't forget my recommendation of High Park Village -- not Parkdale but at least nearby.

Kris said...

I'm lookin' there too! Looked at some :)

ghost said...

you're amazing.

Kris said...

YOU, my friennd on the other side o' the border, are amazing.

ethereal poet said...

That lactose intolerant metaphor was simply brill. Your metaphors are metafives.

Agreed on the whole who cares if you aren't god's hegemony on Earth. I never understood why people, 'give it away so easy'. By this I mean celebrity. Why become enthralled with the other, what about self. How fucken crazy are you, yourself? Very. I mean the 5 senses we have, the abstract thoughts we create, the art from within we muse... I never understood why people aren't celebrities unto themselves. Everyone's mother on Earth was right, 'You are special.' You are impossibly complex and the fact that you exist, given the chemical reactions needed to even make the precursors of your precursors are so unlikely, that yes, it may just take 13.7 billion years to make us so. If that isn't fucken special I don't know what is. We are the culmination of... well... everything.

ethereal poet

Masuka said...

I defy you to find someone more perverse than I.

Alyson said...

Well said! Cute post.

Kris said...

poet - Well said. We should be our own celebrities. So there ya have it - you're a celebrity. But one that I like!

Masuka - Yours is a special brand of perversion, my dear.

Alyson - Thanks, girly :)

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