Tuesday, March 29, 2011
See, The Life I've Had Can Make A Good Man Bad
Every time I talk to any of my Toronto friends since I've moved back, they tend to ask similar questions:
Are you glad to be back?
How's the apartment?
Are you happy?
Depending on circumstance, I give canned answers:
It's small, but good.
But if I were to actually sit down with any of them and answer honestly, it'd likely be a bit different.
Truth is, this move back to Toronto has been a year-long impatient wait. In that time, my "new Toronto life" was built up in my ol' brain a bit more than it should've been. Like it was a new start that would magically erase any and all problems I had. Even my counsellor had believed that.
New start, sure. An improvement? Maybe so.
But it was silly of me to think that I was coming back to sunshine, lollipops, rainbows and vats of delicious beer.
When a person leaves, they become a bit of a novelty when they're visiting. But if they're back for good? They're just kinda... there, for the most part.
So, I'm just kinda here. Thankful for the friends who have reached out, or answered me. Disappointed in the ones who don't, after everything. A lot of my old life here was forged by someone else, and it's a wake-up call to feel like I shouldn't belong the way I used to.
Ohhh, the crazy vagueness I provide you lovely vultures with.
But if anyone were to ask me why the hell I'm back here, or what my purpose is?
That answer is simple.
I'm here to make shit happen.
And so, make shit happen I shall.
In other news that is about as non-related as one could possibly get within the same blog post...
Your fave(?) Shambled Rambler named Kris is today's Woman of the Hour over at GayGuide Toronto.
Check it out here. Do it!