Friday, April 15, 2011
I Wouldn't Want You To Want To Be Wanted By Me
This... is a knife.
A big damn knife.
Used for big damn heavy duty cutting of big damn heavy duty things.
This is a big dog treat with amazing powers. Mainly the power of doggie oblivion.
While chewing this tasty drug-like treat, my usually perceptive dog would become completely oblivious to everything, including:
- me leaving her alone
- the apocalypse
- Mickey Mouse kicking the shit out of the Jonas Brothers.
This stuff is pure gold in a yellow package.
And so, since I had both of my doggies yesterday and had to leave them alone for a few meetings, I decided to use the big damn knife (pictured above) to cut the treat (pictured above) in half, so each of my JRTs could be in blissful treat oblivion.
Well. When you're headed out the door and in a bit of a rush, it's probably unwise to wield large knives, especially when attempting to cut something that absolutely does not wish to be cut.
And so... the knife slipped.
The scene looked much like this, but with the addition of screamed expletives and blood everywhere. And I do mean everywhere.
My finger resembled a scene out of Hobo With a Shotgun. That is to say that the stream of blood was closely matched by the stream of four-letter words from my mouth. So... neverending.
Ouch, with a side order of panic and pissed off-edness.
Now, I'm no fan of blood... and if you find it puke-worthy, you may want to skip the next pic. I took it when I thought the blood had finally stopped so I could text it to my friend for sympathy points, and he could take part in my plight.
Yep, this was as close to "normal" as it was getting.
Now? The jerk still hurts, and I'm scared to take off the bandage.
So let this be a lesson to you boys and girls. There's a moral here, and that moral is:
If you're an idiot, don't cut stuff. You will bleed.