Monday, April 11, 2011

Just Like The Fiction Rushing In Your Riverbed, Arise Like Applause In My Head

Oh, hello friends and neighbours.

I suppose it's time for some type of update.

I've been filling up my spare time as much as possible - distractions are necessary for me, since I dwell on negative crap a lot, and have a few things that need "fixing".

So, fix 'em I shall... but things take time.

Til then, I'm just trying to enjoy the city.

... and its failing teams. Le sigh.

Speaking of failing, lemme tell you a story. A story about gross shit that makes my girly skin crawl.

Yesterday I bought Daisy some dog food. I dunno if you've heard this rumour, but apparently dogs are supposed to eat. Weird, I know.

Just before I was going to feed her, I did what I normally do, and put the food into her dog food container. So I emptied the entire bag into it.

The food looked weird. There was a strange substance on some of it, so I stupidly touched it to see what it was.

That's when I noticed the moths crawling in her food... which was bad enough, til I saw the larvae.

Oh yes. Larvae.

Creepy, crawly, disgustingly puke-worthy little suckers all over her food, crawling out of the bag and onto my kitchen table. I grabbed my sneaker and started bashing the crap out of anything I saw moving. My ninja skills always pay off.

I had one garbage bag left, so I poured the larvae-ed food into it and closed it up tight.

Lo & behold (and just my friggin' luck), there was a hole in that bag. And so, the food, moths, and slithery larvae found their way all over my kitchen floor. Not only was it a fun treat to try to clean THAT crap up and put it into a broken bag (the key - tape. Lots of tape), but keeping a hungry dog from mowing down on some wormy floor creatures wasn't all that easy.

So, is it the store's fault? The company's fault?

Hey, Beneful - care to explain? cuz when the bag said "little bites for small dogs", I surely didn't think you meant larvae. What silly assumptions I have.

If you'll excuse me, I think I have to go throw up.

(Pssst - go here and listen to The Weekly Wrap (April 8th) to hear your friend the Shambled Rambler, talking about the radio show host's Quarter Life Crisis - around 8:45 in the clip)

And remember - I larvae you!


Masuka said...

That's fucking disgusting. Boycot Beneful.

Kris said...

They got a note from me. They will get more.

I actually keep thinking I see larvae everywhere now... it's not, but that shit's in my head! Blech.

Alyson said...

Euuuuugh. I read that aloud to Ty and we both gagged simultaneously. I hope you get some sort of compensation for that awful scenario.

And now I'm going to go and try to forget I read this so my skin will stop crawlinf :\

Alyson said...


Kris said...

Aw, sorry chick!

They haven't responded to me yet, but we'll see. And yeah, I'm surprised I didn't throw up everywhere. I have a serious issue with larvae and maggots and anything similar.

Oh man, I'm grossed out again. Where's my happy place?!

Anonymous said...

"I grabbed my sneaker and started bashing the crap out of anything I saw moving. My ninja skills always pay off." You are a superwoman, I love it.

Kris said...

I'll tell ya this much, cleaning my shoe after that kinda really sucked.

Kris said...

Purina wrote back - here's some of it:

"Please be assured that we take all known means to ensure that our products are produced under the most stringent sanitation procedures. During the processing of our products, all ingredients are subjected to temperatures and pressures which render them virtually sterile. However, despite many precautions, infestation can occur after the product is packaged and before it is brought home. These insects can infiltrate almost any container except glass or metal with a tight-fitting lid. They can gain entrance, after manufacturing and shipment, through the seams of the packaging material or may even bore a hole in the package to get to the contents. These types of insects can also infest grain products such as flour, cereal, packaged mixes, etc. Once our products leave our manufacturing plants, they are shipped and stored by various parties. At any time during rail or truck transport, warehouse or even grocery store stockroom storage, our products may be exposed to an infested product. Even though two grain-based products such as cake mixes and dog food may not be stored next to each other on a store shelf, they may be near each other at some point in the distribution cycle. Therefore, it is difficult to determine exactly how or where insects may have entered the package you purchased. We would not expect this type of infestation to cause illness to pets. To avoid this situation in the future, we would recommend all dry foods be examined when you get them home from the store (especially during the summer months), to ensure they are free of pests. Keep any storage areas clean and check foods periodically. These storage facilities should be cool and dry as insects do not thrive in less than 55°F."

Mike D. said...

Do you not get compensated at least?

ThisIsAndrew said...

In the words of Cleveland:
"Thaaattts Naaaassty"

Kris said...

Mike - I have to contact them again, apparently.

Andrew - Ha, I said that too. To myself, sadly.

Peter said...

Hmmm. I've never really thought about the possibility of you being a Leafs fan.

I'm a Sens fan...

Kris said...

My dear, I live in Toronto. Gotta be a good girl!

That wasn't my hat, although I DO have a Leafs toque. And vintage jersey. And... ah, you get the picture. ;)

Are we still friends?

ThisIsAndrew said...

ha, well at least you know someone else shares the same thought process.

Is it possible to be friends with a Sens fan? I think them be fightin words!

Kris said...

I'm open-minded ;)

And he's not from Toronto, so I can't say that I blame him!

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