Friday, May 6, 2011

The Crumbled Cities Stand As Known, Of The Sights You Have Been Shown

A warning to all readers - please beware.

It has been brought to my attention that multiple sightings have occurred recently, causing havoc and alarm in each area they've been spotted.

Doppelgangers. My doppelgangers, specifically.

They're presumed dangerous and are likely to swarm places that advertise poutine and inexpensive beer. They may travel alone, or in large packs of Kris Lookalikes.

In the majority of cases, they will look evil... like this:


However, in the interest of causing confusion to those who have encountered past hair colours, they may also look less evil... like this:


Now, if you see The Head Doppelganger or one of her Doppelganger Minions, you will likely mistake them for me (that's kinda the point, no?). The only way to distinguish between us is to ask "Can I buy you a Big Mac?". Everyone knows that Doppelgangers as a species are revolted at the mere mention of Big Macs, and will immediately implode. If no implosion occurs, then yes... you may indeed buy me a delicious Big Mac. Thank you.

So stay on your toes, friends. Arm yourselves.

I'm fleeing the city for a few days, going into hiding  in order to lure the Team of Kris Doppelgangers out into the open where they can be destroyed by fast food.

Please... don't let me down. Only you can prevent.. well, forest fires. But also Doppelganger Takeovers.

Be safe.



15 comments:

Shrued said...

Sadly I was not armed with this vital information at the time of the sighting or the maintenance crew at Vaughan Mills would likely be scrubbing the floors clean of Doppelganger residue well into the weekend.

I promise the next time she will not be as lucky.

Alyson said...

Well played.

Kris said...

Shrued - Your keen observation skills got us on their trail. For that, you deserve a medal.

... except, of course, that you didn't know which one you preferred. Tsk tsk. ;)

Alyson - I'm on the lookout for your doppelgangers!

Anonymous said...

If I find one, can I keep it?

Kris said...

Sure. If you think you can handle it.

Anonymous said...

With pleasure!

Mike D. said...

I remember there were a couple of your doppelgangers in St. Catharines years ago. Same ones, maybe.

Kris said...

Nah. I just have a generic look, so lotsa people look like me probably. I'm un-special!

blepharisma said...

Pardon, which of the above yous is evil? I'm fairly certain it's the blonde one.

Kris said...

Yep. You're correct, seester. But I wrote LOOKS evil. Different 'n junk.

Jonathan said...

Kris - Detroit Red Wings. I love you.

Kris said...

I know you do, my dear. I know.

Phronk said...

I don't think you're very generic in any way. Maybe it's just that all white people look the same.

I get a lot of people thinking they know me or seeing me in places I haven't been. I wanna grow a moustache just so there's no question about who is the evil twin.

Keir said...

The blond doppleganger that I saw definitely looked more evil than the brunette one. But then again I've always associated blond with evil, so...there you have it.

Kris said...

Phronk - Do it. I wanna see!

Keir - Interesting. So the blonde doppelgangers are the more evil ones. By dyeing my hair dark I became less evil? Damn.

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