Tuesday, May 3, 2011

To Save The Pain Of Once My Flame & Twice My Burn

Run for yer lives... we're talkin' bout dating. 

In past posts, I've mentioned the fact that I've never been overly attracted to previous boyfriends right off the bat - the crazy attraction came after getting to know their personalities and seeing our chemistry. Then, I was hooked (or stupid, depending on the situation).

Point was, I've never seriously dated anyone based on looks or surface crap. Ever. Strange, but true.

Well... let's not forget that, while I kinda hate it, I check out the online dating sites sometimes. I get bored and decide to sift through the hundred trillion messages, just in case there's a winner hidden in all the crazy.

And it's here, ladies and gentle-people, where my issue lies:

Dating sites are making me shallow.

Shallow as an empty pint glass.
Ask any single girl who has an online dating profile, and she'll tell you that the sheer number of messages she receives can be tough to wade through. Who has the time and patience to thoughtfully respond to every single message, and carefully peruse every item on each guy's profile?

I don't. It hurts my head.

So, if the message they sent is remotely interesting, it sometimes all comes down to their photos. Am I instantly attracted to them? If yes, I may write back. If no... well, the message has to be pretty damn good for a response in that case. I feel bad and try to be nice, then realize - these dudes don't know me. Why care?

In real-life encounters, it doesn't work that way for me. But online dating is a shallow, shallow business.

I hang my head in shame.

But hell - I may be shallow and evil online, yet I only go out with people I've met in real life.

So in reality, I'm just evil. Regular ol' evil.

That, I can live with.


Masuka said...

It's like a kid in a candy store.. Or a perv in a porn store.. I remember as a kid, we found pieces of a playboy magazine buried in the sand. damn right we rescued it. This was treasure. Fast forward a few years and a piece of paper covered in dirt with the vague faded outline of the female form is no longer enough to peak my curiosity. Not because the half naked picture isn't attractive, but because I have options. You, my dear, have options! ....And maybe you're a bit evil too. meh

Alyson said...

The Internet makes assholes out of all of us. It's just fact.

Kris said...

Both of you always make me feel better!

Mike D. said...

That's a great picture, Shallow Hal!

Alma said...

I've also been someone who doesn't quite care about looks when dating. I have a definite type, but I've completely suspended the look thing for guys who won me over in other ways.

I reactivated a profile a little bit ago--to take quizzes while bored--not to find someone. Such sites make me apathetic more than anything, and I'm not really looking. My experience has always been that the guys I like on these sites are always dysfunctional and eventually blow me off--or behave in a manner when we are dating that makes me blow them off. I do usually respond to non-creeper people, but only if I have an interest in being their friends. But I also tend not to respond to the hideous guys.

Despite that statement, I don't think it's shallow to ignore hideous guys. I've rarely been truly wowed by their messages, and even as friends--they're always a potential love match because I usually end up with friends. Besides, if we tend to date guys we aren't physically attracted to in the beginning--and all those relationships ended for serious reasons--that might be an indication that our pattern is perhaps flawed.

Personally, at this point in my life, I don't want only fall in love with a personality. I want to be seduced by the whole thing. Anything less than that feels like settling. I realized recently that every major relationship I've had has never been one of those crazy--I can't stop thinking about you--sorts of dealios. And the ones that have made me feel that way didn't live up to the rest. I think it's worth waiting for. Of course, that might make me a spinster. I'm okay with that.

TC said...

I'm with Alma...dating site guys almost ALWAYS have some dysfunction/baggage/mom issue...I met my ex via online dating and WOW did he turn out to be one hell of a screwed up individual. Of course, you can meet those types anywhere, but online seems to really pull them in all in one conveniently messy variety store of hell.

Kris said...

Mike - So who is my Gwyneth?

Alma - I've been thinking about that - that my pattern is flawed. So you're right, maybe it isn't being shallow... hell, we all have a right to be picky about who we date anyway. And if we end up spinsters who avoided shitty relationships? So be it!

TC - Yeah, that may be why I've never dated anyone from a dating site... I'm so wary.

nacho said...

I have lived in 9 countries around the world and it's strange to hear about people talk about dating. I think only people in the US, Canada and the UK go on "dates" in Latin America and most of Europe dates don't exist.

For example....I could ask you out for the movies and dinner. And we do that 5 times. And it never means, hey let's interview each other! "Oh my god, your favorite color is blue too!". It simply means let's go out to the movies and dinner.

People put too much pressure into the game. If you like a girl, just tell her and be honest about it. I only need 3-5 minutes to know and see through her eyes to know if I'll love her or hate her. I don't need 5 dinner dates. No chemistry, ciao.

To this date, I have never ever in my life been on a "date". Believe it or not. And dating sites...forget it, you are essentially picking a person that is a clone of you and "matches" your profile etc. Plus everybody puts photos that dont' even really reflect their reality. "Wait you didn't look 300 lbs in the picture."

I say, go back to the old days when men were men and bought roses and grabbed a girl and asked her to kiss him under a tree. Too many electronics getting in the way. Life is short, let go.

Kris said...

I completely agree.

I rarely call dates "dates". Even when the guy does. I call it 'hanging out', because it takes pressure off and allows me to get to know what they're all about.

You're right - it's aaalll about chemistry.

hank_moody13 said...

Hey Kris...

Yeah, I hear this kind of lament from female friends and people I have talked to on online dating sites. It is a shallow experience at times. Even for guys. I get turned off after awhile as well, because some profiles are such a turn off. But when you do meet good people, it makes it worthwhile.

BTW - what sites are you on? ;) I'd send you an interesting message!

Kris said...

Well, hank moody, I'm on THIS site! ;)


Anonymous said...

I still dont understand why you bother with the dating websites.

Kris said...


hank_moody13 said...

Ok well here goes...

Hi Kris... I'm a 33 year old supply teacher in central Ontario. I am also the father of one great kid who lives with Mommy. I have a wide variety of interests from being in the outdoors, to working on my house, enjoying physical activity, to reading and watching movies. I definitely have a geek streak in me (as you may know from my blog ;) ). William Shatner/Captain Kirk are personal heroes of mine. LOL I love animals and have owned dogs, cats and a guinea pig. Today I was wondering how I could set a laser pointer to "stun". And yesterday my FB was a dedication to May the Fourth, Star Wars Day, specifically with some status updates of my favorite Han Solo quotes. I have a wide taste in music and will listen to anything once. I live on a small lake, and enjoy my sauna at home and cold dips in the lake, even in the dead of winter. I do have photographic evidence to prove this. ;) If this is sounding interesting already, please message me back and lets talk!


Kris said...

Hey now, this blog isn't a dating site. If it was, I'd obviously wanna punch it.

You live on a lake? Very cool. Wanna trade?

ghost said...

i keep resisting. even though the only woman i ever meet are either old enough to be my mom or my students who arent woman at all. and either way, thats very icky.

yes. i said icky.

you want my man card, come and take it.

Kris said...

You earned yer man card! It's yours for-eh-ver.

Icky is a manly word, cuz I said so.

Kris said...

You earned yer man card! It's yours for-eh-ver.

Icky is a manly word, cuz I said so.

hank_moody13 said...

Did you get the email I sent? I sent it to the Shambled Ramblings email address... ;)

Kris said...

I'll look.

Better not be a pickup line, or I shall fight thee!

Jonathan said...

Kris - you're on dating sites ... awesome ... no further comments ...

Kris said...

Why Jonny, are you gonna ask me out again?

bluesunday said...

I met the woman I'm marrying online. But it wasn't a traditional singles dating site. I think that made it more effective, in that, when I pinged my fiancee's profile, while I tossed off a rather trite remark about how beautiful she was, she actually responded because she couldn't believe someone would have the nerve to ping her in this manner. One date led to two dates, led to three dates, led to living together for five plus years and led to getting hitched in two weeks. It can happen if you find someone special and recognize that you have to make some compromises when loving and living with someone. But it can lead to a very deep and sustaining love.

Kris said...

Some people have great online dating stories. I'm not saying it can't happen... if I thought that, I likely wouldn't be on them at all. :)

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