Monday, May 30, 2011

You Don't Deserve To Be Lonely, But Those Drugs You've Got Won't Make You Feel Better

If you've been coming to my blog for awhile, you'll know that I often used to talk about how to deal with the fun baggage of depression, and then finding out that I had an anxiety disorder on top of that.

A roller-coaster of gleeful times, my friends.

The reason I was so open about these things is because I was tired of the stigmas attached - this shit should be talked about. Depression and anxiety are not taboo subjects. The amount of feedback I got from people thanking me for being open about it when they weren't able to was kind of astounding. An eye-opener.

I also spoke about how I refrained from taking any medication to help me get through the tough days. Over the years, I just couldn't do it. I worried about side effects, I worried about not being myself anymore. I was scared that I would be in a constant fog, unable to feel anything.

Well, things have shifted. The realization hit -  I shouldn't feel nervous to get out of bed in the morning, or anxious when I need to leave my house. I shouldn't have hour-long panic attacks while watching tv on the couch, or in the middle of washing the dishes.

Something someone said to me really hit home:  

"You don't know what it's like to feel like a normal person does. You've never had that."

So, in an effort to seek some balance, I got a new (kickass) doctor and was prescribed meds to treat the anxiety & depression. Two different ones, no less.

Yep. Yer good friend Kris is gettin' into the drugs.

For those that message me frequently and ask advice on this subject, I'll be keeping you posted now & then. If this blog suddenly turns into SuperHappyFunTime Ramblings of Joy, you'll know what did it.

And for you normies who have never had to deal with depression, anxiety or wonky-brain-issues, well... pretend this post never happened.

It was just an illusion.


Starling Social said...

I recently found out a very close friend of mine is on antidepressants, and was blown away. They're so put-together and successful, and they've said that without that balance they might not have been able to achieve that.

Good for you for getting help if you need it. No judging here :)

Kris said...

Thanks, chick!

That's exactly it... I'd like to think it'll give me some balance so I can be better at kicking ass, work-wise and otherwise. We shall see!

PatZ said...

just not like, Super Happy Fun Times Ramblings of Joyfullness Feelings, like weird crazy japanese sparkly cartoon style right?
cause then you'd have to start going all sailor moon and shit. and that'd just be weird. or weirder.

Kris said...

Sailor Moon was a dumbass. I'd totally be Sailor Mars... I think.

Mike D. said...

Good on ya Kris.

Kris said...

Thank ya, sir.

Jenn Hicks said...

Well done and beautifully written! When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2006 I was in denial. I refused the meds. I thought I could handle myself without them and I was also scared about the weight gain (being anorexic at the time). But now? I taking my meds and I have my life back! I "came out" with my menthal health story b/c it's important to me to destigmatize mental health issues....

Keep up the good work!

Roadhouse said... was it that said that quote to you?
It's totes true. And it's totes my perception as well.

Kris said...

Jenn - Thanks so much for commenting, glad we have the same view!

Roadhouse - I dunno, was it you? You might've said something similar. Someone else did, too. Swayze out!

Anonymous said...

People should not automatically turn to medication. North American is so goddamn medicated.

Kris said...

Hmm, perhaps you should re-read. I plainly state that I did not "automatically turn to medication". I resisted and avoided it for, oh... 27 years.

Gage1 said...

Good luck to you! I tried multiple things and none so far worked right for me. I gave up on that route about 3 years ago, the ONLY thing that helps me with my anxiety is Ativan and that is definitely not a long-term solution option.

krista zee said...

Good thinking Kris
PS Elliott Smith- Swoooon

Kris said...

TC - I don't have the highest expectation necessarily, but I figured it was high time to give something a shot. I know a lot of people that use Ativan, too.

KZ - Nice lyric catch :)

ghost said...

did you make that piece of art up there? you know, the one with the painting and the broken glass.

Kris said...

Nope, my friend Chris made it for a project. It's me! :)

MarcTheEngineer said...

Working out HARD (hard enough to fatigue your Central Nervous System) is an A1 anti-depressant.

Not saying come off the pills, but if you don't already lift really heavy things on a regular basis you should try it out.

Working out does not include using a machine for ANYTHING - A simple routine of Squats, Deadlifts, Bench Press, Overhead presses and Pull-ups is all that is required
(The MOST important exercise is the squat, with an barbell across your shoulders and your ass almost hitting the floor at the heaviest weight that you can do when completing 5 reps 5 times)

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