Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I'm The Sky You've Been Burning

The following took place on a popular social networking site. The conversation is real (aside from the dude's spelling and grammar which I have fixed for blogging purposes). The people are real. These are their stories.

Him - "Hey there Kristen. It's been a really long time, how are you? I hope you remember me!"

Me - "Hey [Name omitted to protect the idiotic]. Sorry, I can't seem to place ya. How do we know each other?"

Him - "We went on a date once. Does that help?"

Me - "We did? That's odd, I'd rarely forget someone I went out with. I apologize. When was this?"

Him - "Summer of 2009. Best date I had ever been on."

Me - "Summer of 2009? I was living with a boyfriend at that time, and I'm no cheater. Sorry, I think you might have the wrong person!"

Him - "No, it was you! I would never mistake you for someone else. You're far too memorable."

Me - "Honestly, we did not go on a date in 2009. Or ever. I promise you that. You have me confused for another chick obviously, and that explains why I don't recognize your name or face. Sorry."

Him - "Ok, you got me. We didn't go out. But now that I have your attention, do you want to go out with me?"

Me - "No... No I do not."

Creeper-dude... you've now been blogged.


Wil said...

Well thanks for at least omitting my name. butt due you realy have to attack! my grammer to?

Masuka said...

Not a bad try I have to say..

Kris said...

Wil - Aw shucks. I did that to protect your identity!

Masuka - I'm not surprised, mister. Remember that date we went on?

Alyson said...

I really wish you'd left in the bad grammar. It makes you turning him down so much better.

Jetson Stamina said...

The approach wasn't bad but the finish was weak. I say give him a shot. At worse it's a blog post or maybe a ride in a trunk.

Kris said...

Alyson - I know, it does. But it hurt my head to read it. Didn't wanna hurt your head!

JS - Nope. No chance. My trunk-riding days are over!

Mike D. said...

When will you ever meet a normal guy? Its crazy.

Kris said...

Ha. I meet some. Sometimes. I think.

Jetson said...

I've been out of the dating game too long. Used to be, a guy could just show up in his camero, blast a little White Snake and 10 mins later he'd be peeling the poonany off the hood.

None of these things happened to me, but i saw all those John Hughes movies.

Kris said...

The John Hughes methods are tried and true. They still work, to this day.

But nothing is as effective as a li'l Lloyd Dobler treatment.

Anonymous said...

Every time I think you've met the biggest loser, yet another even bigger loser comes along.

You know, I'd have been tempted to say something like "Oh of course I remember! You were that total jackass with the major personal hygiene deficiency. Say, are you dressing in clothes from this century yet?"

Anonymous said...

A by-product of being too darn pretty for your own good, K.

Kris said...

Screetus - I thought about that, but then he likely wouldn't have left me alone. He seems like the type.

Anon - Sounds like you're too darn nice for your own good. Thanks :)

ThisIsAndrew said...

That last picture has creeper eyes written all over it.

PatZ said...

that guy just made Barney Stinson cringe. that is unforgivable.

Keir said...

I can safely say that's never happened to me. Somehow my life feels slightly emptier for that reason. Huh.

Kris said...

Andrew - True, I am a creepy.

Pat - Tell me about it. He'd take away his man status.

Keir - If you'd like, I can definitely throw some of my creepers your way!

Keir said...

I wouldn't deal with it as well as you did. :)

Kris said...

Won't know til ya try! ;)

krista zee said...

bahahah if the dink wanted to at least seem somewhat valid- he should have chosen a date like.... fall of 2001 or something.

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