Tuesday, August 30, 2011

One More Bottle Just To Wash The Cut Away

Sometimes I think I should rent out my dog.

Is that a bad thing?

It's just that, even though she is a complete nutbar for male attention (and is good at getting it), Daisy would be the perfect accessory for single guys everywhere. A little white dog with blue eyes who bats her lashes and wants to cuddle? Yeah. Chicks go bonkers for that crap. I see it every damn day.

It's easy. A guy could rent my little dog for an hour, take her for a walk, allow women pet and fawn over her, & then properly use the opportunity to get a number or snag a date. Simple, effective, awesome.

Not a bad side business, right?

Of course, there will always be the unwanted attention. Those who use the dog as an excuse to start a conversation, and then don't get the hint that you're not interested. I come across those a lot.

Yeah, yeah. I have a dog. You have a dog. Wow, we have so much in common and should absolutely get married and start an ant farm together. Meh.

But those are often easy to get away from. Like so:

Dude Without A Clue (DWAC): "Our dogs like each other a whole lot! Hey, we should walk together everyday! I'll pick you up at your house, what's your phone number?! "

Me: "Hmm... My dog doesn't like your dog's face up her ass, she may beat the crap out of him."

DWAC:  "Oh look, blue eyes on a Jack Russell! You sure don't see that everyday!"

Me: "Uh... Actually, I do." Awkwardly clear throat.

Slowly continue walking away, hoping DWAC won't follow.

That's just how it's done.

So... who's ready to Rent-A-Daisy?


Masuka said...

Or my personal favorite: DWAC: "Are those contacts?!?!?" me:"no that would be idiotic"

Or from a random German tourist upon seeing my German dog: "Does he speak German?!?" me: "no, he doesn't speak anything, he's a dog!"

Kris said...

Oh, the contacts comment. Yep. I've heard it. Or "How'd you get her eyes to turn that colour!?"

...really? Jesus.

Mike D. said...

I would love to rent her from you. I can only guess how effective she is.

Smelly Danielly said...

Hahaha! Best convo ever

Kris said...

D - I'll give ya a low rate!

Danielle - It still amazes me that some people are so dumb. :)

Z said...

I must try this as I need all the help I can get .. :)

Anonymous said...

I tried this once:

"Hey, your dog looks delicious!"

Needless to say, you can add that line to your "doesn't work" list.

Kris said...

Z - I'm almost surprised at the amount of guys interested in it. It works.

Screetus - I tell Daisy she looks delicious all the time. Then again, I have severe mental problems. Beer?

ghost said...

is daisy catching a kick back here?

Kris said...

Of course. With her cut, she'll be rollin' in doggie treats and spa days.

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