Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Kind That Won't Wash Away, And Then Leave You In The Dark

The other morning, while lying in bed, a kinda morbid thought hit me.

I live alone. I work from home. 90% of my life takes place within the confines of my apartment.

If I were ever to choke on something and die (or if some other type of freak accident were to occur), how long would it take for someone to notice?

Yeah. A freaky, stupid thought. I know.

Blame Jack Donaghy and Liz Lemon for putting it in my head long ago.

But seriously.  

Is this something anyone else thinks about?

I suppose Daisy would start barking due to hunger after a day or two (hopefully before that), and maybe a neighbour will come try to shut her up and discover whatever shit went down in my apartment. So, really... the dog could potentially save me, if it wasn't too late.

Help me, Daisy Wan... you're my only hope.

Ah. Happy thoughts on a Monday.

You're welcome.

(Might be high time to nab a boyfriend, non?)


Nick said...

You'd be dead, does it really matter? The good thing about having people around is for them to prevent said death. :)

As long as you're not a crazy cat lady whose cats eat you, I think you're fine.

Kris said...

I guess that's more likely what the worry is... if I'm choking to death, I have to save myself.

My only worry about being dead in my apartment is, of course, the dog.

Masuka said...

Are you sure Daisy wouldn't try to eat you if you had died? I mean, she may love you but desperate times... I fully expect my dog to feast upon my entrails if I die and he's waiting for rescue.

Kris said...

Nah, Daisy knows how to open the fridge. And she jumps stupidly high, she can get in the cupboards too. And I'm pretty sure she can unlock a door and open it... so... she's better off than me.

Nick said...

Daisy is the new CFO of The MediaHaus.

Bill said...

a very morbid but realistic thought for lots of people and I'd be in the same boat...that makes me think I really don't want to die by means of drowning...or fire or dysentery

Aaron said...

When my friend accidentally OD-ed, it was 3 days and she had a dog who was barking and hungry. Sad. And I think about things like this all the time.

Alyson said...

I used to think about that before I moved in with Ty; it's a totally morbid but understandable thing to think about.

Daisy would never eat you because she <3's you.

Kris said...

I said this on Twitter, but it bears repeating... it's good to know I'm not the only one who thinks about stuff like this.

TheJmoney said...

3 days is pretty standard. Pretty sure people on Twitter would notice after 2 though as you're a multi-faceted presence on there.

Kris said...

You're on the case then, Justin. If you don't hear from me for a few days... you know what that means!

Drew said...

ugh what a horrible thought. I think about it from time to time, but came to the realization that if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. As long as I live alone there ain't nothing I can do about it, unless I get one of those thingys seniors wear around their necks that they can press in an emergency, but I'm not in any rush to become a senior.
Due to my experience working in the field of death, I can tell you typically if one has friends and family that check in, a deceased person is usually found within 2-5 days, any longer and the landlord would check in because the other tenants would start complaining about the smell or pets making noise. I know of only one instance where a person had no friends or next of kin in the country and it took city officials checking up on unpaid taxes 6 months later, to find this person, and it wasn't pretty, I still have nightmares and scentmares from it. One last thing, dogs will usually sit with their deceased owners until they are found or pass away themselves due to starvation, cats on the other hand will feast on the deceased owner. Definitely happy thoughts on a Monday, not!
As for nabbing a boyfriend, that's always up to you!

Wil said...

Have you considered getting a Life Alert? I've only seen the commercial like 14 times in the past hour or so. "I've fallen and I can't get it up".

I think it would be a rather trendy jewelry type statement for you also to be sporting one of those bad fellas around your neck or wrist. I'm quite sure you would quickly become the envy of your friends.

"Hi, I'm Kris Goetz for Life Alert. Life Alert, not just for old people anymore."

As for discovering your dead carcass. I would definitely poke you with a stick and maybe even touch you somewhat inappropriately, within reason of course. That would also depend on how long you had been expired and such too.

I really can't back out of this now can I?

Kris said...

Drew - I can't even imagine what that other job must have been like for you. Definitely something I couldn't handle. As for dogs staying by their owners' sides, I forgot about that - all the pictures I've come across of dogs doing that have always made me cry. Gotta love dogs.

Wil - You always have the best ideas. I'll have to go contact Life Alert and see if they need a new spokesperson. And no poking carcasses, mister!

Mike D. said...

What, no on else comments on the Star Wars line but me? Help me Daisy won. Well done.

Kris said...

Daisy Wan Kenobie. Mmmhmmm.

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