Monday, December 19, 2011

You Wanna Know Why You Feel So Hollow? Because You Are.

Everyone reads and re-posts those Damn You Autocorrect links. I always figure some of them are made up... but then again, I used to own a Blackberry.

No auto-correct. No idea how magically evil it was.

Well, the Samsung Galaxy has the weirdest auto-correct of all. And, for me, they seem to have a pattern.

For example: when I was trying to text the word 'married', it was changed to 'naked'. So my texts could potentially be sent like this:

"Yes, he's naked! I was there, I saw it for myself. Nothing big, a lot smaller than you'd imagine. His mom couldn't stop crying."


"We've talked about it before, but I really think that you and I should get naked. Our families would be so happy!"

Then I was trying to type my name...

But no. It changed 'Kris' to 'period'.

Oh, good.

"Get ready for Friday - some quality time with your ol' pal Period!"


"He said it's going to be The Year of Period. That's a lotta period!"

Those were amusing enough for me.

But this next one wins, hands down.

I typed the word 'relationship'. And that one, my friends, was changed to 'fellatio'.

The possibilities are endless with that gem.

"I'm tired of dating. I'm just looking for serious fellatio."


"That fellatio went on for way too long, and it ended pretty painfully. It was ugly."

I know you perverted, wonderful people likely have better ones in mind.

Go for it; post 'em.

Entertain me. I demand it.


Bill said...

funny how realationship and fellatio work together. Marriage and fellatio would never do the same.

Kris said...


Alyson said...

My iPhone is pretty terrible, too. Auto-correct is the bane of my texting existence.

Joshua said...

any time there's a photo on the internet of a girl drinking a Molson Stock Ale I am a happy man... thank you for the inadvertent Holiday Cheer!

Kris said...

Alyson - that may be one of those only reasons to miss a Blackberry... I loved the keyboard.

Joshua - Hahaha, if that's all it takes, anytime!

Mike D. said...

Fellatio and beer. You're one lucky girl.

Kris said...

Oh jebus.

Wil said...

Which phone did you get again Kris? I just got the Samsung Stratosphere from Verizon which a is a Galaxy S phone and I am enduring some of the same hilarity with this feature.

Yes, I cracked and decided in the last few weeks that I really do need all of this crap in a phone. Dammit! I love it!

Kris said...

Yep, I have the Galaxy S2. It's good stuff!

Anonymous said...

Stock Ale and a Bohemian? Where's the 50?

Kris said...

Hey, I'm not sponsored. I like variety. ;)

Kris said...

Hey, I'm not sponsored. I like variety. ;)

Chris said...

I am actually honestly surprised they haven't sponsored you yet. All beer companies should, if they are smart! (I was the anonymous above)

Kris said...

I like your ideas, Chris. Can ya make that happen? Someone?! :)

Tristan Cuschieri said...

So good, this poast. So crunchy. Laughing, still.

My phone used to autocorrect "keys" to "jews" for some reason. "I just locked my jews in my car, fml." "I'm leaving in a minute, just can't find my jews."

Kris said...

Luckily, as some of my favourite buddies are Jewish, I can ALWAYS find my jews. ;)

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