Wednesday, February 29, 2012

What A Cunning Way To Condescend

Last week I blogged about the person who used my old photos on their Plentyoffish dating profile.

Needless to say, the whole thing gave me the German Anger. That kinda crap bugs me, but there wasn't much I could do about it - the profile was taken down, and that was that.

I'll get you, my pretty... with my little blog, too.

But yesterday I got an interesting email:


This is going to sound wrong no matter how I put it.  

I suspected someone I knew of using a  fake profile  when out of the blue some pretty young woman wanted to befriend me.  So using their profile picture on Google image search I was lead to your blog. There I read where you suspected or were told your picture was being used by some one else. Bingo. It was the pretty girl that wanted to befriend me, but of course it was not you. OK so I did some more digging and figured out just who it was. The fake name (using your picture)  is Tiffany Bennet. The name of the person doing this fake profile is Corey Bennet. I only know him from playing Zynga poker, I  deleted and blocked him as soon as I realized what he was doing. I hope this info is of interest to you.  


{Leaving name out as per request}  

p.s. your blog is great, I hope you don't mind me reading it. 

So, if I understand correctly, this copycat wannabe also has a Facebook profile with my pictures.

Now, I did some searching and couldn't find anyone named Tiffany Bennet that was using my photo... but for all I know, this Corey person could have taken all profiles down. And, of course, I obviously can't say I know for sure that this is all true.

But if it is? Then some dude is using my pictures to make female profiles on different sites. I don't know if that's better or worse than a woman doing it, but it still leaves me feeling a little sick and a lot pissed.

If anyone ever comes across another person on any site that is using my pictures, please send me links and let me know ASAP. I'm cracking down on this shit. Corey, if you're real, you're pretty dim. I have spies in every corner. SPIES! If two separate people have already found my pictures on your faux profiles, dontchathink any others will be found too? Damn right they will.

And if I ever find out you started using pictures of My Pet Monster (Daisy), we will hunt you down and eat you.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Nothin' To Do, Nowhere To Go

Lately I've been re-watching My So-Called Life & Freaks and Geeks.

I was pretty young the last time I watched either of them, so re-viewing the "high school experience" a long (long) time after I've left high school is kinda interesting to me. I relate a little too much to both shows. In my own ways I was an Angela Chase, a freak, a geek, and million other things.

The 'scrunched' phase
I was confused. Scared shitless. Fit in everywhere, but also nowhere. I never felt good enough for anything or anyone.

A lot of people say that the high school years are the best years of your life. I remember thinking "God, I really hope not".  My dad once told me that anyone who believed that was an idiot (I'm paraphrasing, of course). I may be biased, but my dad is always right. Always.

Oh, Jordan Catalano.

I wouldn't go back to my high school years for any amount of money. The drama, the cliques, the rumours - the sick feeling when people are talking about you, but you haven't even done anything worth talking about. The belief that I would never be as pretty as the other girls, and that my whole life would always be this strange and awkward.

Shit no.

Geeks wanna be freaks sometimes
High school was a stepping stone on the weird and wonky path to figuring out who the hell I was and what the hell I wanted. It wasn't all bad, some of it was pretty darn awesome - I admit it. But even though a lot of my twenties have been really hard or painful, I wouldn't trade them for my teen years.

At 28, I'm proud to be a freak, a geek, and finally an independent chick.


But, hey - even if I ever did have to go back to High School Hell, at least my uniform kilt still fits. I wonder if Jordan Catalano likes kilts....

Friday, February 24, 2012

A Faithless Path To Roam

Everyone appears to have recently gone batshit crazy for Pinterest.

For those who are pinterested in Pinterest and may find it pinteresting (sorry, I'll stop. Yeah, I hate me too.), it's almost like an online scrapbook of things you like, or want to share. When I first checked it out, I thought "Screw this, it's for people who like stuff. Pshhh, not for me."

But then I, like many others, couldn't stop pinning a big damn mess o' things.

My pinning thought processes:

 - Not much interesting going on today - WAIT, IS THAT A PUPPY?! *pinned*

- I bet I would look EXACTLY like that model if only I had that pretty red dress to change what I look like completely... *pinned*

- Infographic! Shit yeah! *pinned*

-  This guy looks like he wants to be my husband, and if I put him on my board it'll totally happen. *pinned*

- Frank Zappa is LOOKING AT ME *pinned*

Now, I've also used it for more productive things. I pin my work-related items, recipes that are easy enough for a Kitchen Nightmare like me, and things that I (and others) may find pretty darn interesting. And I bet when gift-giving time comes around, Pinterest is going to make it a hell of a lot easier.

So, yeah. I'll admit it.

I, Kris the Shambled friggin' Rambler, am a pinner.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

An Empty Heart That Sees Me Through

The other day, I posted this photo on my Shambled Ramblings Facebook page (and my own page) and asked people to caption it for me. Not for any reason in particular, I just wanted to see what such creative and crazy folks could come up with.

It's one of my favourite old photos from New Years Eve 2007/2008, and yes that is me in the red. Oh, how times have changed.

Looks like it's the Week of Really Old Pics here on la blawg! Kapow.

And these were the captions:

Nate Kogan - "I am SOO going to pee on the girl that fell on the floor"

Mike Allan - ‎"I told you whacking her on the side of the head with my purse would be funny."

Mike Neri - There's definitely a joke about that belt buckle, its just not coming to me... 

Mark Singh - Guy: "Smells like roses! Go ahead, take a whiff."

Dan K - Why you hitta hera inaa da headaa.....?!?!?! Why....!?!?!? Uttzamadda Fo YOU!!!????

Bob Minhas - "A whole lot can happen, Out of the Blue"

Michael Nus -   Guy: "any second now a watermelon is going to drop into my hand" 
                        Girl in red: "KEWL!" 
                        Girl in black: "TAKE COVER YOU FOOLS!!"    

Ryan NusDood: How do you like my atomic backdrop?                   
                  Girl on floor: Ugh....
                  Other girls: Haw haw! That was a really bad idea and she prolly needs an 
                  ambulance... But  we're pissed so now we laugh. 

Jordan Hambleton - Ha! The bottle didn't even break when I hit her (I haven't seen Kristen in a long time but from what I remember it seems like something she'd do)

Chris Owens - I love hallway parties! 

Bob MinhasIt's too bad we couldn't see the pizza dough that he's spinning and flipping in the air right now... 

David Fix - "So I went up to the giraffe, and he's all like not even seeing me..." 

So those are their captions, ladies and gentledudes... can you do any better? 

Monday, February 20, 2012

I Ain't Guilty Of The Crimes You Accuse Me Of, But I'm Guilty Of Fear

Yesterday, Dave (an awesome blog reader) emailed me to let me know that someone on Plentyoffish was using old photos of me as their profile pictures on the dating site.

Expecting the worst, I checked it out. Luckily it wasn't anyone using my pics to slander me or make me look bad, but still - trying to pass my photos off as your own? Creepy.

"She" (assuming the person is actually female), used these two pics of me:

... and also a photo of some random dog that, luckily, was not one of mine.

I contacted POF right away and asked them to take it down, and then some awesome friends stepped in and did the same. After awhile, the profile was taken down. Whether by POF or the person themselves, I do not know.

While it's easy for me to joke and say that this person is likely a 400 pound middle-aged man pretending to be a twenty-something chick, it's unlikely. The rest of the profile was normal - it said she was happy-go-lucky, 5 foot 4, a Customer Service rep, sick of bad dates, looking for love and from Winnipeg.

So if this "happy-go-lucky" chick is someone that reads my blog, I gotta know... why the hell would you use my pictures as your own? And what would happen if you actually landed a date?

Someone please explain the thought process to me, because I just don't get it. It's sad. And fairly disturbing.

But hey... if you really need to use my (very) old pictures, here's a special one just for you:

Good luck with the fake dating.

I hope you find someone who falls in love with you - I mean... me.

Friday, February 17, 2012

I Didn't Know That I Loved Her Til They Began To Let Her Down

Maybe most people don't know it, but I'm a fan of tattoos. On men, women, imaginary friends...

The right ones on the right people can be amazing. (That said, I also prefer some people without 'em.)

But, to answer what I can only assume you're asking, no... I don't have any tattoos. Yet. I can't decide on anything that I know I'll still love when I'm old and wrinkled. A few ideas have come and gone, but I haven't taken the permanent leap yet.

I'll tattoo yer name on my bitchy, bitchy forehead.

For now, I think I'd like something fairly small. I'd love to get one of those gorgeous sleeves/ half-sleeves that some women have, but I doubt I ever will.

So, my creative and magical blog readerfriendpeople... I look to you. Gimme ideas.

What should I get, and where should I get it? And what ink have you got?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

This Is The First Day Of My Last Days

'Member when I was going to do the video blogs every week... and then I didn't?

Well, it's been a week and I'm already back with another. Odd.

This one's got a lotta Daisy, cuz you weirdos kept telling me you weren't happy that she wasn't in the last one. I may or may not lipstick-ify her.  We talk online stalking, Twitter for pets, my manliness, and whether or not I'm completely fake.

I also do the annoying winky face too many times. I aim to please.

Monday, February 13, 2012

I Once Was Open & One With A Travelling Heart

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

Half of you love it. Half of you hate it. As a single chick, I'm fairly indifferent to it. I am in love with love in general, and always thought it was nice to have a day to be with those you cared most for. For me, there was nothing better... even if love is pretty darn blind.

That said, I haven't "celebrated" that much for the big V-Day since maybe 2008.

If I were currently in a serious relationship instead of constantly testing the waters, who knows if I'd feel any different about the day. I'm not quite sure of anything, in that respect.

As it stands, we all know who I love most anyway:

build animated gif

But hey - I love you guys, too. So here's a giveaway for you folks.

La Crème Cow is a new line of spreadable cheese that comes in three flavours: Original, Light, and Parmesan and Peppercorn. They're tasty and easy for people like me who don't wanna put too much work into my snacks. I may or may not have jumped up & down in a giddy manner when I received these. Yes, they're that good.

They've put together a prize pack worth $100, featuring a massive amount of coupons for these cheeses (all three flavours), crackers, glasses, and a lot of other utensils & fun cheese-related items.

To win, all ya have to do is leave a comment with the cheesiest pick-up line you've ever heard. Or, go 'like' Shambled Ramblings on Facebook and leave me a cheesy pick-up line there. Embrace the cheese. You know I do.

Good luck. And Happy Valentine's Day from me, the chien, and all of my secret boyfriends.

Kisses and 10-second hugs,

Yer Bitch.

Friday, February 10, 2012

I Am Just A Dreamer, But You Are Just A Dream

The other night I headed to Whelan's for a much-needed break from work.

Yeah yeah, this hermit sometimes does stuff. Sometimes.

If you're ever there, tip my girl Toni a lot - she'll entertain you. I promise.

As the night was dying down and the other customers left, we meandered to the back room and saw that they had random board games beside the fireplace.

One of 'em I had never heard of, called Would You Rather?

Not to say we actually played the damn game, but we took out the cards and gave it a go. I don't know if any of you monkeys have ever played this, but it's nuts. Sheer batshit-ery.

The first question was something like: Would you rather have an innie bellybutton that was 7 inches wide, or an outtie that was 3 ft long?

That was the most normal one.

Another: Would you rather have candy corn teeth or aluminum foil skin?

And this is what you look like after enough of those questions. Like I said. batshit crazy.

Especially after: Would you rather bite the curb and get kicked in the back of the head or get a paper cut on your eyeball?

And: Would you rather bite the head off a live gopher or thoroughly lick a cat's butt?

So... of all of this, what would you rather?

I'd rather drink beer. Likely while re-attempting this game.

In other news, Daisy is now taking guitar classes. We're all quite proud of her.

Have a good weekend, hosers!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I'm Big In Japan

Time for another video blog.

This one features a tune from my buddy Mike (of the bands From The Bridge and Seas), a look at how stupid I am when I dye my own hair, and a pretty frank discussion about depression. Hey, I didn't say I'd be uplifting.

And for the Daisy fans... sorry. She exited stage right.

Monday, February 6, 2012

She Holds A Power Like No Other Man

Since yesterday was the Superbowl, I figure it's only fitting to answer Masuka's Superbowl-related questions on here today.

Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that I know nothing about football. Nothing. And on Sundays, when people are all over Twitter about the games, I pretend they're talking about Carebears. So football has now become Carebears episodes to me.

With that said - Carebears countdown, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....

Dear Kris... The Superbowl was on Sunday. As a girl--albeit it a dude's girl... do you really like watching it? What did you REALLY do during the Superbowl?

The only time I've ever really watched it was during Superbowl parties. Other than the football aspect of 'em, Superbowl parties have my favourite things: Beers, dudes, food, and gluttony. So, no. I didn't watch it (other than the halftime show which I will refrain from talking about on here. I don't want Madonna fans & haters to start interweb-punching each other, blogstylez).

I got some work done. Watched some crappy TV. Contemplated life, and had deep conversations with Daisy about why I call her "Chubby Puppy". The usual.

If you were a cheerleader at the Superbowl, what would your cheer be? 

"Yay! Wayta... stuff. Now go smack that dude on the butt! Yay!" and then, obviously, the Carebears countdown.

And a few of my old baseball cheers. At least I understand baseball.

AND: given that cheerleaders outfits seem to be getting smaller and smaller.. what would your cheerleading outfit look like?

A neon green snowsuit. However, if that were frowned upon, please see my theme song video below for costume reference:

À bientôt.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Let Me Steal This Moment From You Now

I'm in St. Catharines for a few days - the funeral was yesterday, and my mom read my last blog post during it. I was a loser and couldn't do it, but my mom likely (read: definitely) did a much better job than I ever could.

I don't have much to report at the moment, obviously. But I figured I should share this link:

Daisy was Pet of the Week this week (thanks to the lovely Sarah) - if you're so inclined, go take a gander and learn a thing or two about me and my li'l bitch.

See ya soon, Toronto.

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