Wednesday, March 28, 2012

We Want All The Time, All Of The Time

New video blog.

Today we talk about Popsicle Pete vs. Mr. Freeze. Brothels, boobs, 'n sidewalk chalk. Elaine dancing. Beer. Hoverboards. All of which are my top priorities.

But please... keep in mind that everything I do is tongue-in-cheek, or foot-in-mouth. These videos are not frank, philosophical discussions. Right? Right.


Justin, I know you hate my hair in these videos - sorry! Can't tell til it's said & done.

And here's the link for the event, for those of you who haven't been on the hoverboard... I mean, interweb... much.

[Main background song by Mike Bolt of From the Bridge and Seas]

Monday, March 26, 2012

My Head Is Like Lettuce, Go On Dig Your Thumbs In

It's well-documented that I almost never check my Formspring account, although there are questions waiting for me there. It's just that I forget, and then when I mean to do it I get distracted by someth - oooh! Shiny!

Anyway... I recently did, and was kinda surprised by one question. It's a strange one. Usually they're about Daisy, relationship advice, what kinda guys and/or Popsicles I like, or asking for detailed descriptions of where babies come from. This one, anonymous of course, feels like it was delayed by a couple of years:

With your last long term boyfriend, how much would you say you two had in common? What was super-different about you two? Would you say the similarities or the differences had more of an impact in your relationship?

I immediately figured it was from Masuka, so I asked him. Nope. Not him. He'd never be anonymous, that's just crazy talk. So, whoever you are Anonymous, I really have to wonder why you'd want to know these specific things. There's a creepy element to the questions, and they're pretty intrusive for an anonymous Formspring inquiry. Am I alone in thinking that? Anyone? Bueller?

Because of that, I won't get into long-winded, detailed answers. We had a lot in common; had some differences. Still do (neither of us are dead. Good for us.). Similarities and differences both impact any relationship. Ooh, so vague. Years later, why does it matter? Same can be said for any relationship I've ever been in. Including my relationship with my dog. (We both like boys, but she hates beer. Silly bitch.)

But hey... anonymous person who asks serious & personal questions... tell me who you are and why ya wanna know, and maybe I'll give you an actual answer. Or do I need to remind you about how I feel when it comes to anonymous folks? Read the rant. Learn.

And, for the record... I like all Popsicles (is red a flavour?), and babies actually come from sewers like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Yer welcome.

Friday, March 23, 2012

The Dynamite Walls Contain Us

In the words of my friend Bridget, the Saga of the Pod-Kris' continues.

Are you all sick of me yet? Of course you are. I'm sick of me, too. Especially because I'm sick of people trying to be a wonked up version of me by using my photos and words.

Hi, I'm... Beth. Or Isabella. Or that other chick. Or that dude. WHO AM I?!
 The latest is this one: Beth Camp

If you look now, you won't see any of my photos or anything that is related to me. But earlier, her whole profile was ripped from my stuff. She had my photos, she used my blog posts as her status updates, even copied the blog post I wrote when my Omi died, and changed "Omi" to "Nana". (Then said her "nana" had "old timers". Ah yes, old timers! Of course.) She re-named my friends and posted "I'm gonna dye my hair dark!" before posting photos of me with dark hair.

How original, "Beth". Don't you know that a buncha other weirdos did this before you??

Because I posted this on Facebook, a lot of awesome folks reported her and sent her messages (as did I), and then suddenly all my stuff was deleted from the profile. Why the whole profile wasn't taken down by Facebook, I do not know.

So, again... I must re-iterate... if any of you people reading this suddenly get the great idea to use my photos and words and pass 'em off as your own, you WILL be found. And I WILL pester the shit out of you and publicize every second of it until you get your head out of your ass.

If these people are folks I actually know, I'm gonna find out eventually. And if I know you, I can take legal action against you. Keep that in mind before you create any more faux profiles. Faux-files. Yeah, I said it.

Ugh. What a week. Please make next week better for me and show up to this event & hang out with me, ok? Ok. Non-weirdos only, por favor.

Now I'm gonna go watch this clip again to calm down the German Anger...

Will Ferrell is a fucking fool. Happy Friday.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Don't Just Sit There Catatonic, I'm Feeling Supersonic

Yesterday was the first day of spring.

So you know what that means...

Oh, you don't?

Well it means that winter is over. Warmer weather has come back into my life and made my cold, black heart a little more cheerful. It also means that I'll be less of a hermit.

I hibernate like the bitchy, bitchy bear that I am. Rawr.

So last night I went to the County General with some of my favourite crazies. I love 'em dearly.

The food photos are stolen from Nate & Joel, cuz I was too busy mowing down to take any pictures. Lucky for me, they ate the same things that Sue & I shared.

Aaaand now I'm hungry again.

The thing about spring & warm weather is that it has a tendency to make us all a little more nutbar than usual.

I should add that I'm completely ok with that. I fully embrace my batshit craziness, and you should too.

Beware the cat boobs. And my right-handed penmanship when it sneaks in among my usual left-handed magic.

Yeah. Like I said. Embrace the crazy.

I did:

Happy spring, my little wonkdonkeys. Get outside, ya hear?

Monday, March 19, 2012

The Cross I'm Bearing Home Ain't Indicative Of My Place

This past Friday night, the big castle at the High Park playground was burned down.

This may mean nothing to you; you likely have never been there and don't even know what it is. But I do. And this story broke my heart.

This playground is honestly the best playground I've ever seen, hands down. Who wouldn't want to play in castles? I know I do. And I have, in fact. I've explored those castles, played on those swings, gone down those slides. I do it often. As do a number of children who absolutely adore that playground.

The night it burned down, I was walking Daisy and had planned on walking her over to High Park. But I heard what sounded like a bunch of teenagers drinking and being loud & stupid, so I decided to avoid it. Little did I know, these kids would soon torch the playground.

For anyone who has ever played there, brought their kids there, or even passed by on a High Park walk, they were saddened to hear the news. Crushed, even. And many want to help built this awesome space back up.

More than a few of you have asked me what's being done to bring together a re-build, so here's the info I've found. If you follow this link, you'll get to a Facebook page dedicated to the playground re-build. There has been a $50,000 donation from Canadian Tire, Councillor Sarah Doucette has committed to help bring the playground back, and there has been a tremendous amount of input from local residents and businesses.

If anyone would like to volunteer, or donate funds to the rebuild, 'like' and stay tuned to this Facebook page or email Councillor Doucette at:

And if you know any of the people who burned it down? Send 'em to me. I have a thing or two to discuss with them.

It's a good time to care a little, Toronto. Help get the kids their playground back.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Picture-Perfect Numb Belligerence

On Thursday night, some fun-tastic freaks & I rented out a karaoke room at Bar +.

I may be a long-time karaoke advocate, but I've never done the private room thing before. Best decision ever for a buncha mic-hogs 'n crazies.

It's a little known fact that straight-male-romances are 76.3% more likely to happen while performing an emotional karaoke duet.

I think I witnessed about 6 of 'em.

As you  know, I feel it's important to always learn new things...

That night, I learned that I prefer standing on leather couches instead of floors, I still know all the Spice Girls' lyrics and dance moves, and that words to Pink songs are guarded by government officials and can not, under any circumstances, be shown on TV screens without Secret Service supervision.

Their song selection is enough to make a skid like me real goshdarn happy.

This could turn into a problem. I must go back soon.

Won'tcha join me?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Walk On Home, Boy

Oh - hi there.

Do you like good times? How about good music, do ya like good music? Small world, me too!

In that case, allow me to cordially invite you to a li'l shin-dig happening on March 30th at Velvet Underground. Bob will be spinning, beer will be flowing, I will be dancing, and you...? Well, you will be having a goshdarn good time.

Because I said so.

I require you to come party with me.

Event details here: FULL CARD FRIDAYS w/ DJ Bingo Bob @ Velvet Underground. Say you're attending, and huzzah - you're on the guestlist with no cover (which means more cash for beer, of course).

Not that anyone recalls, but the last time I went to Velvet to see my boy Bob spin, I ended up being challenged by some dude & had to out-Pantera him. I won, of course, and I'll do it again if I have to.  Deftones challenge? Accepted!

So come have a beer with me. I'm nice (sometimes). And Bob plays the good stuff. SuperFantasticHappyFuntimes are pretty much a guarantee.

And, uh... Expect some shambled headbanging.

Watch yer head.


See you all on the 30th. Or else!

Monday, March 12, 2012

In A State Of Mind I Could Call Mine & Only I Could Own

Sometimes I forget to tell you how awesome you all are.

I've been in more than a few conversations with people lately about blog-related crap & the people we encounter because of it. Many bloggers get a lot of flack and hateful shit hurled at them, just because they are extremely exposed to the peanut gallery. It's part of the game; comes with the online territory.

I've been pretty lucky. The majority of people who take the time to stop by here and read the tripe I type (rhyme time!) have been pretty great. Enough so that the negative folks don't faze me so much. I get nice emails and messages daily from readers, and I appreciate it. A lot.

So, thank you. You awesometastic, ass-kickin' people often make my day. I don't always know how you found me or why you keep coming back, but you've made this negative chick a little less cynical. Huge kudos to you.

Now let's continue this love-in by holding hands in a circle and singing kumbaya. Hand me my guitar, will ya? ...and then play it, please.

Or we can listen to this instead.

Interweb hugs 'n high fives to you all.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Secrets In Her Lipstick Mouth

Being a (usually/mostly) single chick for the past couple of years means that many people like to ask a lot of the same questions regarding my relationships and non-relationships.

Aside from Do you have a new boyfriend yet?, Do you have a new boyfriend yet?, Why don't you have a new boyfriend yet?, and You should meet my friend Steve - I showed him your blog and we've decided he's perfect for you, there are questions like:

What are you actually looking for in a guy this time?


What would you want him to know about you?

Beware, because I'm about to give you some reading material. Prepare to click 'n learn.

Back in 2010 I wrote this blog post that went over a few important things that I need in any guy I seriously date. And re-reading it now, it still rings true. So I stand by them.

But as for myself... I also wrote another blog post over at my lesser-known, lesser-posted-on blog that I tend to forget about. This one particular post explained my stupid faults, but also my strengths and how I'm not going to apologize for being who I am.

That one needs to be updated. So this will have to suffice.

The jealousy and insecurity issues I talk about can more or less be deleted. Shit has changed; I don't consider that a problem anymore. I'm nowhere near as insecure as I was years ago, and I would like to praise the Lord of Chickdom for that.

I am who I am, I am what I am, and I look the way I look. If you don't like any of it, that is definitely ok. I promise. I'm the only one who has to. At this point in my life, I'm pretty goshdarn happy with me. And trust me... it took a long time for that to be the truth.

And so, there you have it. My two dating lists, now fully updated and packed with useless info for your (not-so) curious pleasure. Tell your friends, or take note yourself. You may be one of my secrets.

Happy weekending!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

My Bottle's Empty, But You Always Refuel Me

Something came to my attention today, and I felt that it was my duty to take it further and bring it forward to all of you. After all, what use is a public blog if not to inform people and discuss important issues?

Publicizing such things has benefited me, as we've seen with all the identity-stealers who have had their asses handed to them as a result of this blog. But this... this is different.

Glasses = Serious business.

I don't want to alarm anyone - but, if you're from the same generation as I am, this may overwhelm you and change the way you view your childhood.

Thanks to Nick for bring this out into the open, and blowing my mindspace.

It isn't necessarily fact. Merely a question. But an important one, so prepare yourselves:

Were Chairy from Pee-Wee's Playhouse and Grimace related?

No one ever knew what Grimace was. Perhaps he was just a purple ottoman.

Discuss. Let's get to the bottom of this... together.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I Wanna Be Part Of The Human Race

As promised, here's another post in the ongoing saga of The Wannabe Shambled Ramblers (a bit of a stretch, since they'd be stupid to want to be me. They really just want to use my photos for their evil, evil sins).

The person who emailed me with the info about Corey, the guy who was using my picture for a fake Facebook profile, sent me another email with even more info. He felt a bit insulted that I wasn't sure what to believe (my apologies), so he did some digging and sent me some proof and links to even more people using my photos.

We're gonna call these links "the pudding" - cuz everyone knows that's where the proof is.

First off, the Corey dude using my photos? This would be his Facebook profile. He'll be getting a nice li'l message from me shortly.

But that's only one issue.

Using just this photo (are you sick of it? Cuz I sure as hell am), our super-sleuth found a bunch of other people using this and other pics of mine :

And so... some links:

Here's Isabella Adams - she not only has me as her profile pic, but also has albums that have photos of me with dark hair. The caption on one: Oh no what have I done lol.... goodbye blonde hello brunette" makes me wanna punch the screen.

Then there's Amanda Croucher - using me and other blondes as her pics. One of them is obviously from an advertisement. Who the hell is she fooling? Tsk tsk, Amanda. Tsk tsk.

And on Twitter, we have Iza BeLa. When I checked out all of her TwitPics, I nearly threw up. This account may not have been used in a year or so, but her captions still make me sick.

That's just a few of the culprits; some of the others I'm not gonna bother sharing. And again, this was only using one picture to find them. Trust that I'll be searching with some other photos shortly, out of a sick curiosity and a need to know everything.

Each of these people will be (or already have been) receiving a lovely note from their ol' pal Kris. If any of you want to join in and send some notes yourself, I think it'd be helpful.

After all... if these people wanna use my photos and emulate me, doesn't that mean they'd also want to get to know my friends and readers?

Of course they do.

Or the Shambled Rambler.

And so the onslaught of messages begins. Think twice about using my photos, assholes.

Don't you know I'm loco?

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I Am Denial, Guilt, & Fear

My buddy Adam recently published his first book.

If you recall me ever mentioning my friend Smack, that'd be him. We're like two peas in a very strange and psychotic pod in a lot of ways, so I'm super proud that he finished his book and went forward with it. That's something I was never able to do - my half-finished works made me too frustrated and unsure of myself.

Smack gets me. He's one guy that I can get into frank conversations about the "low days", and he'll understand completely. He knows them well; they're his, too. And because of these discussions, though I rarely see the guy, he also knows me well in a different way than most people.

When he first wrote this book, I had the privilege of reading it right away. It had hooked me, and gave readers a look into Smack's head. I'm currently in the middle of reading his revised and final version, and am interested to see how he changed it.

So to anyone who likes to support local folks, check out Smack's book. Show him that he was wise to go for it. You won't be disappointed.

As for me, I need a distraction from the pain of what appears to be TMJ. Time for an LRDP (living room dance party).

Enjoy yer weekend!

(And stay tuned for Monday's post... even more info about the interweb people using my photos - there are multiple people now. And I'm gonna need your help to get these jackasses. Full-on online assault. Grab yer pitchforks.)
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