I think about that a lot. I suppose it's because I absolutely hate to admit that, for me, there is a slight bit of truth to it. Everyone I've dated has had their "bad" side. Some more than others. A certain few had bad sides that overtook the good and caused a lot of harm for me. And that's the very instant when many of us women say to ourselves "why can't I just find a good, decent man?"
Well... we can.
There are good guys everywhere, but we often overlook them because they don't stand out as much as their badboy counterparts. They're the ones that actually have conversations with you in a bar instead of drunkenly trying to impress you. They ask you how your day was, instead of talking only about themselves. They, most likely, are the ones you consider your friends.
So why do we often gravitate toward the ones who have a side that could potentially hurt us? They may be nice, sweet and thoughtful when they want to be... but there's an inner bit of trouble that often comes out. And yeah. We like it. But why?
The idea that women love dating a man they can try to fix has always bothered me. I don't want to fix any man. I want him to come pre-assembled and in working, functioning order. A few defects are fine; welcomed, even. But regular maintenance so that he'll become a different version of what I signed up for? Nah. I don't want to do any fixing, thanks. However, let's be honest - some women do. And men? You sometimes want to fix us as well.
I suppose the bad sides offer a bit of excitement, sometimes danger. It keeps things interesting. But there has to be a balance. For me, the badasses left some scars and regrets, and a wish for their sweeter sides to become more present. I worried that it became a case of always wanting the opposite of what I had - but it's not. It's about balance.
So, boys and girls... have no fear if you aren't a badass that stands out in a crowd, and potential mates are overlooking you. Keep your sweet side, but allow the wicked side to come out sometimes too. Because while many of us are dazzled by the danger, it's something that we can get burned by. All relationships need comfort and stability, but they need some excitement too. Embrace 'em both.
They say love is friendship on fire. We're all capable of that tricky balance - we just need to add the flames.