Monday, July 30, 2012

No Love In The City, Cuz There's No Connection

I'm currently blogging from Fundar, on a workcation.

Two of those words likely need an explanation if you're not around me on a regular basis, so lemme explain 'em. Fundar = Dundas, ON.

Years 'n years ago, when trying to text someone about Dundas on my ancient flipphone, T9 (remember T9?!) corrected it to 'Fundar". And voila, it stuck.

And if Fundar doesn't work for you, I'm also likely to refer to it as "been dere, Dundas."

And a workcation? Well, this'll cover that one: 

Language lesson over, back to whatever I was talking about.

Right, so I'm in Fundar. But the night before I came here, we had another Full Card Friday. It was good times as usual. And, if you can't tell from the accompanying photos, I'm not the pool player I once was.

Masuka appears to find my lack of skill hilarious.

If he was laughing at something else, I don't wanna know. (Trust me, neither do you.)

And here's your favouritest DJ, Bob - our superawesome Full Card Fridays at Velvet are every last Friday of every month, so you know where to find me. And if you enjoy mocking me, then I suggest we play pool.

I promise not to hit you with the cue. Maybe.

In the meantime, this Trawnna chick is off to explore this place with Daisy, small-town styles.

Don't forget about the contest happening for all you folks who actually cook and/or eat food.

The power of Fundar compels you.

Friday, July 27, 2012

I Say The Right Things But Act The Wrong Way, I Like It Right Here But I Cannot Stay

The main things I gravitate toward involve beer and music. This is no secret. When those things are put together (possibly with the addition of deep-fried food), I am pretty much at my happiest.

Rye is my runner up to beer, but live music and talented bands are right up on par with my main loves. So this post kinda falls under that category.

Canadian Club recently came out with their Mixed & Ready drinks, which I've tried and they're delicious. (Rye & gingerale = no hangovers. Trial and error.)

To kickoff this new drink, they're calling all indie bands to record a cover and reinvent a Canadian song to win:
  • Three demo songs recorded, mixed and mastered in Toronto
  • $3000 for transit to Toronto or gear

And see? Musicians like the drink too, too! Guitarman Mike is diggin' the rye & cola.

I know quite a few of you guys have bands, are singers, songwriters, etc...  so if you're interested, head over to and check out the songs you can choose to cover. (If you need help deciding, I always have an opinion on tunes. Always.)

For everyone else, those who vote for their favourite cover can win too - the chosen voter wins two Ticketmaster gift cards (valued at $300).

I'm always more than willing to be a concert partner. Remember yer pal, the Rambler, if you win.

Deadline for submissions is August 27th so get on it, folks! And send me your songs if you enter so I can post 'em and get some votes! Good luck!

And speaking of tunes...

Tonight, there will be a lot of this messed up hair due to dancing and/or interpretive headbanging.

Full Card Friday. Velvet Underground. 11pm. See yer butts there!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Out Of Hand & Out Of Season, Out Of Love & Out Of Feeling

I'm lazy. Also, I hate cooking.

But one of the main reasons for that is not knowing what to make, or how to make it. We all know that I'm hugely obsessed with food otherwise. So, Sobey's was kind enough to send me info on a fun new app and create another giveaway to you, my favourite people.

First off, they sent me a mood ring.

Ooh yes, mood rings. Who doesn't remember them from their childhoods? Mine often told me what a bitch I was.

The ring kept going back and forth between "relaxed" and "flirty".

So, for the sake of this Sobey's app, we went with relaxed.

With this app, called Moodie Foodie, you pick out which mood you're feeling. Lazy, relaxed, sad, happy, disappointed, superfreakingawesome... the list is kinda endless.

So, since I went with relaxed, it gave me a list of matching meals and recipes:

Honey Garlic Beef Stir Fry
Honey Parmesan and Rosemary Scones
Carmelized Onion Pear and Brie Flatbread
Mediterranean Chicken Spaghetti

...and so on. I picked the first one, I like 'em easy. And what ya get is something like this.

Recipe, directions, ingredients; everything you need. Even culinary morons like myself can make use of this. Huzzah, we have a miracle! So, I'll be posting a few recipes I tried in the next little while... feel free to make fun of me. That's what I'm here for. That, and eating. (Anyone wanna cook with me? Steph?)

And so, to celebrate this new app and give you guys the chance to get some ingredients and use it yourself, I'm giving away a $50 Sobey's gift card.

All you have to do is download the free app, submit a recipe, and comment below to let me know what it was. If you want to do a guest post that features your recipe, let me know!

Good luck, foodie-folks. Make me something delicious!

Monday, July 23, 2012

A Naive Young Secret For The New Romantics

Monday after a jam-packed weekend (both birthday and non-birthday related), and I'm exhausted.

Zombie Kris is in full effect today.

Guess I got older. It shows.


Got an awesome surprise when a whole bunch of cookies were delivered to my door. Let it be known that Masuka may be a dirty, dirty man but he is also a thoughtful and lovely dude.

And to make my day even better, a visit from my little guy.

The night was spent with friends, bands, and beers. Yes, those are some of my very favourite things. Kinda the basis of this whole dang blog, non?

Good times, great people.

Not much more you can ask for on your day o' birth.

 Seas play; I turn slightly fangirl. These things happen.

The next day was a birthday lunch and afternoon hangs with my mom and sister.

By this time I was already exhausted from the night before.

First time at 3 Brewers - awesome spot, love the look of it. Also, I like beer.

Both of these things are important to me. Drunken aesthetics, really.

The next day, Mike and I packed Daisy up and headed to Rockwood for a kickass bbq/party/gathering of awesome people.

 The next photo illustrates what happens when you lose a bet.

To infinity and beyond, eh Buzz?

Luckily, the kids there also dug this get-up. Who wouldn't?

So to continue the countdown of non-sleeping... there was also not much sleep to be had on this night.

But after a brief nap back in Toronto on Sunday, it was time for Refused.

I was a severely exhausted chick by this point, but man did they still blow my mind. Unbelievable. Had I been more awake, I likely would've thrown myself headfirst into the mosh pit with child-like glee.

And all this, ladies and gentleman, is why your ol' pal Kris is currently unable to form full sentences or keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time. The weekend kicked my ass.

So, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go lie down and dream of Swedish musicians in three-piece suits.

Thanks for all the fun, guys. I'm surrounded by the very best people.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I've Got A Tongue Like A Razor, A Sweet Switchblade Knife

As promised, the video blogs have been re-jigged and here is the first of 'em.

In this one we discuss vajazzling, boudoir shoots, the many shameful fans of Nickelback, and some dickbag brings up the possibility of Daisy dying. Uplifting stuff, folks!

6 and a half minutes of your life I'll (probably) never give back. Unless you're lucky, and you bring me cheesecake.

Main background song by Mike Bolt of From The Bridge and Seas.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and so you may not be hearing from me for awhile... we'll just hafta see...

Monday, July 16, 2012

I Got What I Got All Despite You, & I Get What I Get Just To Spite You

This past weekend, I decided to do the opposite of what all my weekends have been for the past couple of months.

I stayed in.

No bars. No boys. No adventures or trips. Just me, my dog, and my work. It was needed.

There was a whole lotta this - couch-surfing with Piggie Smalls nearby. An uneventful and lazy-as-hell couple of days.

That is, until the rain started on Sunday

This is outside of my house.

The storm came and immediately flooded the area.

I've never seen a flood quite that crazy, anywhere I've lived. It's amazing how insane people can get in these situations. For the most part, I watched from the safety of my living room, but I was pretty compelled to dig out some waterwings and go for a dip in this newly made pool outside my front door.

I did not, however.

It's all gone now.

In other completely unrelated news, my 29th birthday is on Thursday. Nothing too monumental this year, but I'll be at Rancho Relaxo (where I've never been) watching some bands if anyone wishes to join. Info here.

It won't be a crazy night for me; I have a date with my mom and sister the next day and would like to be awake and functioning for it.

Friday the 27th is bound to be another story, though.

It's our next Full Card Friday, and I've decided to make it my week-late night of birthday craziness. They're always a good time, and this one is gonna get a wee bit over the top. So come celebrate with me! Click here for guestlist and avoid paying cover.

Enjoy yer Mughnday, ladies 'n gents.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Once You Get Bored, You're Never The Same

Well, after that superfantastical debacle of a Rogers issue, my internet is finally working again.


Functional internet makes me jump awkwardly in an uncoordinated manner. Kinda like this:

So that's one issue solved.

Bell, you're next. Currently, my phone is only able to take pictures, nothing else. And so I do. Usually of dogs. And trees. Or dogs by trees. Or trees that resemble dogs.

In other news, I'll be bringing back a re-vamped version of Ye Olde Video Blogs, complete with awesometastic new theme song and other new shtuff.

I cannot promise that any of the videos will be entertaining (I always add that disclaimer, after all), but at least I'll start posting some again, and those of you who ask why I'm not making videos will be sufficiently video'd. That is a verb now.

And so, if you like asking questions and/or hurling insults, feel free to do so yet again on Formspring, in the blog comments, on Twitter, Facebook, or by messages in bottles. But I prefer my bottles to be full of beer, so please keep that in mind.

Video blog fodder. Y'know I dig it.

To refresh your feeble memories, all past videos are on my YouTube channel: So there.

Now consider yourselves updated. Weekend mode - friggin' activate!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Detours, Fences, I Get Defensive.

Apparently the internet is essential to things like blogging, emailing, and "being online" See the kinda knowledge I now possess?

So allow me to teach you all the latest things I've learned about this internet-machine, and the company who likes to hold it ransom. But first, I'll start at the beginning and accompany this rant with photos of my weekend... because I said so.

On Friday I went to a wedding. Hottest day of the year (hence my hair), but still super fun.

By this point my internet had been iffy for a week and a half. At random times throughout the day, it would suddenly shut down for hours.

Now, I run my business from home. And it's pretty much 99% internet-based. So losing internet for no reason is unacceptable. And since I don't have access to my phone either right now (yeah, yeah, don't get me started on that one), the only way I could contact Rogers was via their online Live Chat, or borrow a friend's phone.

I did both. Multiple times. And each time, they told me that either my internet was fine, or that it was suddenly fixed and I should not have any troubles again.

They lied, all of 'em.

So I spent my weekend in Dundas, Ontario, where the internet is plentiful and my bitching was minimal.

It was like a mini-vacation, though I still worked. Daisy loved every second of it.

On Monday night, when I got back home, the internet worked. I thought maybe Rogers had fixed their shit and I was in the clear (by 'in the clear', I of course mean receiving the internet that I was paying for).

Ah, so naive.

But Tuesday was another story.

Internet was on and off all morning, so I spoke to a CSR on Live Chat who told me everything was fixed, and she credited me two weeks of internet.

Not a half hour later, the internet shut right down.

After hours of waiting, I headed to a friend's house with Daisy in tow, and used his internet to talk to Rogers.

They made me livid. So I copied our conversations. Allow me to share a few gems with you...

Jon: May I have your email account?
 Kristen Goetz: I don't have one
Jon: May I have the mac rf address located  at the back of your Rogers cable internet modem?
 Kristen Goetz: I'm not at home because the internet does not work there. I had to go somewhere else in order to speak with you.
 Jon: I apologize for that
 Jon: Can you please get back to us once you are home?
  Kristen Goetz: No. I don't have internet there. How am I supposed to chat with you when I don't have internet?
 Jon: If you can not rejoin us while you are at home, you may contact Rogers Phone support at 1 888 764 3771 for further assistance
 Kristen Goetz: I don't have a functioning phone right now, which I've already told you twice.
 Jon: Is there anything else I can assist you with at this time?
 Jon: I am sorry
 Kristen Goetz: Yes, you can help me fix this issue.

 Kristen Goetz: You have all of my info.
 Jon: No I do not
 Kristen Goetz: yes. you do. I just gave it to you.
 Jon: I was unable to lacate your account using the phone number you have provided earlier
 Jon: Thank you for your patience.
 Jon: I was able to pull up your account using your address and name
 Jon: I do see your smc gateway modem is online for last 1 hour and 28 minutes
 Kristen Goetz: Online but not functional
 Kristen Goetz: As I've explained many times to every CSR and tech I've spoken to
 Jon: I am sorry to hear that
 Kristen Goetz: it is not working. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here. I'd be at home, working.
 Jon: Can you please get back to us once you are home
 Kristen Goetz: No!
 Kristen Goetz: I am unable to
Kristen Goetz: are you a robot???
 Jon: I am sorry.
 Kristen Goetz: I have just told you many times that I do not have a phone and my internet does not work
 Kristen Goetz: how the hell am I supposed to contact you from my home?
  Jon: I do see your modem is online
 Kristen Goetz: IT IS NOT WORKING. That's why I'm talking to you.
 Jon: We can not fix the issue if you are not home
 Jon: let me provide you a reference number
Jon: Thank you for your patience.
 Jon: I have documented the account
Jon: Please get back to us once you are home.
 Jon: We will trouble shoot the issue
 Jon: Aside from this, Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Then he disconnected shortly after; the equivalent of hanging up on me. That was just a few snippets of a very long conversation - the whole thing is a big mess, and the dude was rude and unhelpful. In total, I spoke to around 20 CSRs and technicians at Rogers. Although I had already spoken to a tech on the phone last week who said they'd send someone out if it continued to screw up (I just had to ask), they refused to send one out.

Finally... FINALLY, last night I spoke to a tech who was not an asshole, was not unhelpful, and who did not treat me like shit. She checked everything out, determined that there are issues, and is sending a service tech on Friday.

It took two weeks, 20 reps, and lost income for that to happen? Really, Rogers? You're grossly overcharging me for THIS?

Might be time for a switch.

Man, things were a lot less stressful in Dundas. Eh, Daisy?

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