Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Best To Keep Things In The Shallow End, Cuz I Never Did Learn How To Swim


I am terrified of them.

And I refuse to believe that there are people who genuinely enjoy them

When I was young, I was scared of anything and everything in a mask or costume. I once went to Martin's Fantasy Island and had to hide in a bathroom to avoid people dressed up as Simpsons characters. I've never been to Disneyland - but I bet if I had, Mickey Mouse would've received a punch to his rodent throat.

Luckily I eventually got over my fear of masks and costumes (well, mostly), but the clown thing has stuck. And it always will.

Because those things are evil.

How it was decided that creepy makeup, big coloured wigs, and a need to invade peoples' personal spaces "for a laugh" was somehow a good thing and should become commonplace.... I do not know. There's a reason that "It" is such a famous horror villain - clowns are frightening & unnatural. They must be stopped.

So I ask you, dear people of the internet, are there actually any of you who like clowns? Do they make you happy? And if so, how?

Because honestly, there's only one clown in existence that I dig:

The rest of 'em, I'm fairly certain, are trying to kill me.

And you.


WilHarrison said...

The whole John Wayne Gacy thing ruined it for me.

Kris Goetz said...

Prime example!

TJ said...

I can take 'em or leave 'em. I don't care either way. I get it on a kid level; he makes balloon animals, probably has a horn and falls down and shit but yeah, no affinity for them. I can't see myself ordering one for anything. :D

Kris Goetz said...

Most kids I know are scared of them too. I know I was!

Nick S said...

We just need to accept that all clowns are disguised pedophile satans that want nothing but to destroy us. Then we can be safe.

Mike D. said...

So what brought this post about?

Kris Goetz said...

Had a dream about clowns driving down my street. And I hate clowns & question the sanity of anyone who likes them.

Kris Goetz said...

I couldn't agree more.

Steph . said...

I'm not sure how clowns became a 'kid thing'... I'm pretty sure they were supposed to be a special kind of creepy/funny for adults. Let me ask my friend, Wikipedia.

... and don't forget, you were also afraid of men with mustaches. Probably women, too, since you weren't sexist.

Kris Goetz said...

No no, it wasn't mustaches (because I wasn't scared of Dad), it was beards with mustaches! So mostly the beards. Which is funny, cuz now I prefer facial hair on most dudes.

And I surely wasn't sexist. "She's making me sexist. Bitch."

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