Thursday, June 13, 2013

These Broken Arms Won't Hold You Down, These Ruptured Lungs Won't Make A Sound

Over the years, more than a few women have told me that they lived vicariously through me and my blog - especially during the two straight years I managed to stay single. Why? Because they were married with kids. I was an unmarried, childless woman blogging about some random semblance of a social life.

This has always astounded me. Because the truth is, I've always wanted what they have.

Going out way too much in your early twenties is fine. Hell, it's admissible throughout your twenties and beyond for some people. But as you reach your thirties, which I swiftly am, you tend to have a good idea of what you want for yourself, and it can be disheartening when you haven't yet achieved it. I still want a family. Among many other things including world domination and mastering the ukulele, but this post isn't about that.

I value my freedom and independence - I haven't always had them, and they mean a great deal to me. But sometimes when I pass by happy couples with their cute kids, I feel envious. Get a little sad, a little girly, daydream a bit. And the only way to stop those feelings is to tell myself that I'll have those things when it's the right fit. And if it never is... I'll deal with that. Life rarely happens as you plan it, and I learn that more every year. (Ah, the joys of aging.)

While some of my posts through the past six years show a twenty-something chick out having fun, at the core of it all I'm mostly just a homebody. I'm happiest staying home with my favourite person, or keeping low-key. Right now, I do that alone more often than not. I'm not a party girl, and I mainly just go out to see bands or to have a relaxed beer with friends. A hell of a lot less of the 5am cabs home, the hangovers, the blurry fog of bar-hopping. And instead of having a family to come home to, I come home to my (kickass) dog. But I'm often left behind by people who are happily coupled up or still in the "let's get drunk every damn night" phase of their lives that I have no need for. These things happen.

At least I have Daisy; I'm never truly alone. Incredibly lame? Yep, but also true.

All the negatives aside, I make the best out of where I currently I am. I put a lot of time into my business, learning new things, and taking care of myself. Extended "me" time that serves to eventually make me the best version of myself, while answering to no one else. And maybe that's a large part of what these women were envious of. But there is way more to life than focusing on yourself, as much as that is needed.

So for those with the great little families who have lived vicariously through the words of us single chicks... be glad to know that some of us would trade that for exactly what you have. Because the grass really isn't always greener.

What you have is amazing, as you already know.

...but then again, so is the freedom to go to all the live shows I want. So maybe every situation has its positives.


Alyson said...

I'll take live shows whenever I want over babies. But that's just me.

Kris Goetz said...

Well, hopefully one day I can manage both. And you've got the dude already - so you have part of it ;)

Krista Zee said...

I have many great things in life.... however (earmuffs for my tuxedo cat here)---

Kris Goetz said...

Yeah, dogs are awesome. They can be a shit-ton of work, but they're damn loyal!

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Justin Baisden said...

Are you getting the not so subtle nudge from the parents to "find a nice guy and settle down" as yet? I got marriage harassment around 28.

Kris Goetz said...

Always a little bit... my parents want grandkids (and hell, I'd like to give them grandkids). But I'm often in long-term relationships, so it's usually assumed that it'll happen since I want marriage and kids. And then it doesn't happen. So who knows, they may have given up. ;)

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