And the beauty of it? I don't have to.
And this is something I worked to adapt into the rest of my life.
A fun by-product of an anxiety disorder is feeling crazy pressure and panic to do things that you think you're supposed to, or that others are expecting, even if they're not necessarily things you truly need to do. There's also a huge feeling of guilt that comes along with it, and that can be a driving force for the anxiety. This was my daily life, and to some extent still is (thanks brain!)... but last year I read an article that made far too much sense, and forced me to sit back and think about everything I was doing purely out of guilt, anxiety, panic and pressure - and what could be erased.
|Dogs do what they want. Dogs are happy jerks.|
There's a quote that floats around the internet regularly; it's something similar to "walk away from what no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy". Well, I'd implore you to do that for every aspect of your life. Seriously. All of it.
Are you pretending to like sports to make someone like you? Stop pretending - it's useless. Skip a workout because you wanted a nap? Forget the guilt, you deserved that nap. Work out tomorrow. Did you hang out with a friend who constantly puts you you down and makes you feel bad about yourself? Ditch 'em. Real friends don't suck. Do you go out to bars all the time because you think you're supposed to at your age? Stay in. Your couch loves you like no one else.
You get the idea.
In other words - you don't answer to anyone. Audit your daily life. Live by your own needs, wants, & expectations and (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone) to hell with anything else. Get rid of the extra useless crap - you're not the subject of this week's Hoarders episode.
It takes a lot of time to re-evaluate, but it's pretty darn worth it.
(And yes - this entire post was a long-winded written excuse for why I sometimes don't blog. Because hey - I felt like it. So I did it. See how that works?)