Tuesday, December 10, 2013

And The Worry Cracks A Fracture From Your Hip To Your Chest

Every day I have a long To-Do list that I follow - and I'm noticing that most days "blog" is on it, but rarely crossed off. I'll get emails and messages, asking why I haven't posted and if I'm ok. But the truth is, I go through periods where I just don't feel like blogging.

And the beauty of it? I don't have to.

There was a time in my bloggin' life where, if I didn't post at least every second day, I'd get anxiety that I was lagging and not providing enough content. That feeling would nag at me, even when I had nothing of note to write about. It took awhile to get to a point where I no longer cared, and decided only to post when I felt like it - even if no one bothered reading anymore. It didn't matter.

And this is something I worked to adapt into the rest of my life.

A fun by-product of an anxiety disorder is feeling crazy pressure and panic to do things that you think you're supposed to, or that others are expecting, even if they're not necessarily things you truly need to do. There's also a huge feeling of guilt that comes along with it, and that can be a driving force for the anxiety. This was my daily life, and to some extent still is (thanks brain!)... but last year I read an article that made far too much sense, and forced me to sit back and think about everything I was doing purely out of guilt, anxiety, panic and pressure - and what could be erased.

Dogs do what they want. Dogs are happy jerks.
Think of all the things you do every single day. The notable things, the seemingly insignificant things, all of it. Are there items on that list that you dislike, or that you feel negatively toward? For each of those things that you don't like doing, really ask yourself how many of them you absolutely have to do. Chances are, you're doing things & going through motions that you don't need to, just because you feel like you should. (Work stuff notwithstanding - I'm sorry if your bosses are assholes, but you probably have to do what they tell you. Or quit.)

There's a quote that floats around the internet regularly; it's something similar to "walk away from what no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy". Well, I'd implore you to do that for every aspect of your life. Seriously. All of it.

Are you pretending to like sports to make someone like you? Stop pretending - it's useless. Skip a workout because you wanted a nap? Forget the guilt, you deserved that nap. Work out tomorrow. Did you hang out with a friend who constantly puts you you down and makes you feel bad about yourself? Ditch 'em. Real friends don't suck. Do you go out to bars all the time because you think you're supposed to at your age? Stay in. Your couch loves you like no one else.

You get the idea.

In other words - you don't answer to anyone. Audit your daily life. Live by your own needs, wants, & expectations and (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone) to hell with anything else. Get rid of the extra useless crap - you're not the subject of this week's Hoarders episode.

It takes a lot of time to re-evaluate, but it's pretty darn worth it.

(And yes - this entire post was a long-winded written excuse for why I sometimes don't blog. Because hey - I felt like it. So I did it. See how that works?)


Justin Baisden said...

Daisy brought me here.

And you too.

But mainly Daisy.

Kris Goetz said...

I know how it is.

My pigdog brings all the boys to my blog.

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