Wednesday, February 5, 2014

There Is Always One Addiction That Just Cannot Be Controlled

It's been a long time since we've heard from our friendly neighbourhood pervert, Masuka. He's a busy, busy man. Plus, I haven't posted a video blog in over a year. (Whoops.)

So, since I still talk to him often, I decided it was time to post a more lighthearted entry for once and give the Masuka-lovin' readers something they've been missing. A Masuka question.

So the Olympics are in our midst. If you could make up a sport in something you excel in and compete in the Olympics what would it be? For me, it would be boob judging from 10 paces. I can guess a bra size like no ones business.

- Masuka

I can attest to that, Masuka judges boobs like no other. I've seen it happen. It's like he has a 6th sense for mammories. A unique skill, no question.

As for me... there are actually a few things I think I could kick ass at if they were actual events. Yes, you read that correctly. I have some skills. (Ok, more like "skills", as they're mainly useless.)

My Olympic Events:

1. The Skittle Toss - a solo sport, where one throws Skittles into the air and then promptly catches them in their mouth. Can also be used with M&Ms, Reese's Pieces, and the extracted teeth of your nemesis.

2. The Lyric Switch - when given a popular song, one must sing it and change the lyrics on the spot. Main topics: dogs, food, and awkward situations involving falling down and/or walking into walls.

3. Completely Useless Trivia - if a fact has no actual use to anyone at all, chances are I know it. I'm pretty good at trivia games in general, but the more useless they are, the better. I am a vast vessel of stupid knowledge (musical knowledge aside), and I'm damn proud of it. So this event is pretty self-explanatory.

4. The Dumbass Jingle-Off - players will compete to see who can sing and/or recite the most jingles and ads from 1983 - present. (This would be no contest. Instead of learning multiplication tables as a kid, I was too busy absentmindedly absorbing all advertisements like a cheap sponge. You'll often hear me singing local Niagara jingles from the mid-90's. So useful! So resume-worthy! So attractive to the opposite sex!)

While I can think of many other weird skills I possess, my Kris-lympics are already looking pretty sad (and please note that I left out Tongue Folding in Thirds as an event, just this once). Therefore I'm opening it up to you guys - we already know that Masuka's event involves boob judging. So what would yours be?


Justin Baisden said...

I got my hopes up for a vlog. =(

Kris Goetz said...

I'm sorry! I recorded one a long time ago, but never bothered editing. Gimme some topics, and I'll do one soon! (You're likely the only person who watches them.)

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